Kink vs fetish, where do you draw the line?

[Mi****]

People use these two words like they mean the same thing and I don't think they do.

For me a kink is something you enjoy but don't need. Take it away and sex still works, just less fun. A fetish is something you need or you're not finishing. Take it away and the engine doesn't spark, well for me at least...

And a fetish doesn't have to be feet, or an object, or even a body part. Mine is her reactions. The face she makes, her belly when the breathing s***ds up, watching her slowly come undone. Nothing gets me there faster, and without it I just don't get there at all. I love a brat, but the bratting is the kink, fun and optional. Watching her unwind is the part I actually need.

So where do you draw the line? Or are the two words just the same thing at this point?

[Ba****]

Kink = Want 🤪
Fetish = Need 😈

[Pr****]

I agree with your assessment, though some people might not. Opinions are like butts, we all have one.

[Deleted Member]

Fetish is an object. Kink is an act.

Foot fetish
Latex fetish
Shoe fetish

Bondage kink
Pegging kink
Submissive kink

[To****]

I get what you mean, but I think the “need it to finish = fetish” definition is a bit too strict. You can have a fetish without being completely unable to orgasm without it

For me, the difference is more about how central it is to your arousal. A kink adds something to the experience, while a fetish can become a much deeper part of what turns you on

And I agree, it doesn’t have to be an object or body part. It can be a reaction, a feeling, or even a dynamic between two people

I guess the interesting part is where “I really enjoy this” becomes “this is a big part of what I need to feel aroused”

[to****]

For me a kink which I personally like is bondeage cuffed up and used by my man friend whomever I'm with a fetish is dressing like a woman for a man to enjoy for me anyway obviously we're all different

[th****]

5 hours ago, Deelulu said:

Fetish is an object. Kink is an act.

Foot fetish
Latex fetish
Shoe fetish

Bondage kink
Pegging kink
Submissive kink

Well put

[Sa****]

I honestly can't figure out the difference tbh

[Sa****]

7 hours ago, Deelulu said:

Fetish is an object. Kink is an act.

Foot fetish
Latex fetish
Shoe fetish

Bondage kink
Pegging kink
Submissive kink

Then I guess I don't have any kinks

[Sa****]

I guess I don't really care if it's a kink or fetish. Whenever people on here ask my kinks,I simply just tell them what I enjoy and let them decide what to call it. So I might be just listing fetishes but I realIy don't care what it's called. I know what I enjoy and that's all that personally matters to me

[ey****]

So, yeah. People tend to use them interchangeably

Is there a difference, yep. But part of the reason they became interchangeable is over time the term/scope fetsih diluted anyway. And actually some things which are kinks can be argued to be fetishes and vice versa.

Traditionally for something to be a fetish it had to (a) be a non-sexual item - so shoes, leather, feet (b) something the person with the fetish either could not orgasm, or could not get aroused, without

It sounds overly strict, but that was the definitation and yes it was a kinda outlier of people who were (and probably still are) in this situation

Over time... it kinda softened a little bit to encompass anything which was non-sexual which could cause or heighten arousal/orgasm and that does encompass a lot more people.

A kink, traditionally, was an intimate behaviour or activity outside of societal norms.   Phew. That's a mouthful.  So bondage got brought up, and yes that is a good example of a kink.

However... if someone could only get aroused when in bondage, or being in bondage heightened their orgasm is that, ummm... that then becomes a fetish

I mean feet, foot fetish is a fairly common fetish - but some people aren't into feet as a fetish but still might do footplay (cos it is a good form of foreplay) so does that then make it a kink?

And then let us not forget about anyone who argues that (for them) BDSM is non-sexual.  That means anything they do is a kink - intimate behaviour/activity - but not around arousal or orgasm

So part the reason they become so interchangeable is (1) the change of language over time (2) that the self same activity might be a fetish for one person, but a kink for someone else

 

Mind, by either definition - an unfortunate bad news - given it is both a sexual item and within societal norms... "Pussy Eating" is neither a fetish nor a kink  

[Sa****]

3 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

So, yeah. People tend to use them interchangeably

Is there a difference, yep. But part of the reason they became interchangeable is over time the term/scope fetsih diluted anyway. And actually some things which are kinks can be argued to be fetishes and vice versa.

Traditionally for something to be a fetish it had to (a) be a non-sexual item - so shoes, leather, feet (b) something the person with the fetish either could not orgasm, or could not get aroused, without

It sounds overly strict, but that was the definitation and yes it was a kinda outlier of people who were (and probably still are) in this situation

Over time... it kinda softened a little bit to encompass anything which was non-sexual which could cause or heighten arousal/orgasm and that does encompass a lot more people.

A kink, traditionally, was an intimate behaviour or activity outside of societal norms.   Phew. That's a mouthful.  So bondage got brought up, and yes that is a good example of a kink.

However... if someone could only get aroused when in bondage, or being in bondage heightened their orgasm is that, ummm... that then becomes a fetish

I mean feet, foot fetish is a fairly common fetish - but some people aren't into feet as a fetish but still might do footplay (cos it is a good form of foreplay) so does that then make it a kink?

And then let us not forget about anyone who argues that (for them) BDSM is non-sexual.  That means anything they do is a kink - intimate behaviour/activity - but not around arousal or orgasm

So part the reason they become so interchangeable is (1) the change of language over time (2) that the self same activity might be a fetish for one person, but a kink for someone else

 

Mind, by either definition - an unfortunate bad news - given it is both a sexual item and within societal norms... "Pussy Eating" is neither a fetish nor a kink  

I don't follow this at all 😭

[Sa****]

5 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

So, yeah. People tend to use them interchangeably

Is there a difference, yep. But part of the reason they became interchangeable is over time the term/scope fetsih diluted anyway. And actually some things which are kinks can be argued to be fetishes and vice versa.

Traditionally for something to be a fetish it had to (a) be a non-sexual item - so shoes, leather, feet (b) something the person with the fetish either could not orgasm, or could not get aroused, without

It sounds overly strict, but that was the definitation and yes it was a kinda outlier of people who were (and probably still are) in this situation

Over time... it kinda softened a little bit to encompass anything which was non-sexual which could cause or heighten arousal/orgasm and that does encompass a lot more people.

A kink, traditionally, was an intimate behaviour or activity outside of societal norms.   Phew. That's a mouthful.  So bondage got brought up, and yes that is a good example of a kink.

However... if someone could only get aroused when in bondage, or being in bondage heightened their orgasm is that, ummm... that then becomes a fetish

I mean feet, foot fetish is a fairly common fetish - but some people aren't into feet as a fetish but still might do footplay (cos it is a good form of foreplay) so does that then make it a kink?

And then let us not forget about anyone who argues that (for them) BDSM is non-sexual.  That means anything they do is a kink - intimate behaviour/activity - but not around arousal or orgasm

So part the reason they become so interchangeable is (1) the change of language over time (2) that the self same activity might be a fetish for one person, but a kink for someone else

 

Mind, by either definition - an unfortunate bad news - given it is both a sexual item and within societal norms... "Pussy Eating" is neither a fetish nor a kink  

I once had to look up 6 definitions in one post u wrote. It's very unfortunate because something tells me that ur very insightful,I on the other hand just simply don't really ever understand anything u write on here. It's all just way above my head it seems 😔

[ey****]

8 minutes ago, SassyGRUNGEgiRL26 said:

 

I once had to look up 6 definitions in one post u wrote. It's very unfortunate because something tells me that ur very insightful,I on the other hand just simply don't really ever understand anything u write on here. It's all just way above my head it seems 😔

I guess at it's simplest version

Fetish = something non-sexual which heightens your arousal or orgasm

Kink = an intimate behaviour which goes outside of 'societal normals'  (which isn't necessarily about arousal orgasm) 

Societal Norms = kissing, cuddling, sex, most foreplay, oral, masturbation

The problem: what is a fetish for one person (i.e. it heightens their arousal/orgasm) might be a kink for someone else. So the terms start to get used interchangeably or seem to be.

[Sa****]

5 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I guess at it's simplest version

Fetish = something non-sexual which heightens your arousal or orgasm

Kink = an intimate behaviour which goes outside of 'societal normals'  (which isn't necessarily about arousal orgasm) 

Societal Norms = kissing, cuddling, sex, most foreplay, oral, masturbation

The problem: what is a fetish for one person (i.e. it heightens their arousal/orgasm) might be a kink for someone else. So the terms start to get used interchangeably or seem to be.

What if the fetish is a sexual object?

[ey****]

7 minutes ago, SassyGRUNGEgiRL26 said:

 

What if the fetish is a sexual object?

then it's not a fetish

[Sa****]

2 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

then it's not a fetish

Oh guess I don't have any of either kinks or fetishes. That's interesting because I'm oftentimes told that I'm extremely kinky 🤷

[ey****]

1 minute ago, SassyGRUNGEgiRL26 said:

 

Oh guess I don't have any of either kinks or fetishes. That's interesting because I'm oftentimes told that I'm extremely kinky 🤷

I guess it depends on what you do that makes others say this

[Sa****]

1 minute ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I guess it depends on what you do that makes others say this

I've just mentioned to a few people that shatbari suspension looks like so much fun.

[ey****]

Just now, SassyGRUNGEgiRL26 said:

 

I've just mentioned to a few people that shatbari suspension looks like so much fun.

Shabari suspension (and any form of rope bondage) is a very good example of a kink

it is an intimate activity and goes outside of societal norms. 

[Sa****]

5 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Shabari suspension (and any form of rope bondage) is a very good example of a kink

it is an intimate activity and goes outside of societal norms. 

I'm not sure If we can agree on rope being a kink. I thought u said it had to be non sexual. I can't think of any real reasons for rope other than tiring someone up

[ey****]

2 minutes ago, SassyGRUNGEgiRL26 said:

 

I'm not sure If we can agree on rope being a kink. I thought u said it had to be non sexual. I can't think of any real reasons for rope other than tiring someone up

Tying boats up   Holding tents down. Very common in mountaineering.  Bundling tools.   

We have a length of rope picked up to help with felling a large tree in the garden. 

[Sa****]

3 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Tying boats up   Holding tents down. Very common in mountaineering.  Bundling tools.   

We have a length of rope picked up to help with felling a large tree in the garden. 

I just can't seem to understand how rope is outside of normal. Maybe if ur conservative and all u ever end up doing is missionary all ur life,then probably yes.

[Sa****]

4 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Tying boats up   Holding tents down. Very common in mountaineering.  Bundling tools.   

We have a length of rope picked up to help with felling a large tree in the garden. 

Can't say that I've used it for any of these reasons

[ey****]

8 minutes ago, SassyGRUNGEgiRL26 said:

 

I just can't seem to understand how rope is outside of normal. Maybe if ur conservative and all u ever end up doing is missionary all ur life,then probably yes.

there's a lot of stuff within kink/fetish that seems quite widespread - but yeah, your average married couple doesn't go home and partake in rope bondage. However common rope may be, or may appear to be.   Rope is not a sexual object.