When Fantasy Gets Real

[Af****]

A fantasy becoming possible is often the moment it becomes frightening.

In your head, you control everything.

You choose the scene.
You choose the intensity.
You choose when it stops.

Then another person enters the equation.

Suddenly the question isn’t “Do I want this?”

It’s:

“Do I trust this person with the version of me that wants this?”

That’s a completely different question.

I’m starting to think a lot of supposedly “extreme” desires aren’t difficult because of what happens physically. They’re difficult because they require handing someone information about you that cannot really be taken back.

Once someone knows where your mind goes when you stop editing yourself, they know something unusually private.

Maybe that’s why people can spend years fantasizing about something, finally meet someone capable of making it real…

…and panic.

So I’m curious:

What made the difference between a fantasy you kept safely in your head and one you finally trusted someone enough to explore?

Public answer, private story, half-finished thought, all equally welcome.

[el****]

Hi. It’s really good and complex question. I feel it’s when the desire of the fantasy becomes so intense that it can’t be ignored anymore.
In my experience it’s never going to be what your mind expects it to be. As you said when another person enters said fantasy. It’s not in your control anymore in your mind. The fantasy is not a fantasy any more it is something totally different. It may well be an enjoyable experience but it will never match what your fantasy was exactly as you where in control of it in your mind in the first place.

[Deleted Member]

When concent to your fantasy is the fantasy talk about them and define what you really want or think you want

[Ro****]

The point about trust is spot on. It changes the focus entirely from the desire itself to the person you're sharing it with. Emotional safety becomes way more important than physical compatibility. Panic is just a natural defense mechanism when that level of privacy is threatened. Which is why I always only share things like this with those I feel safe being *** with.

[Ro****]

Sometimes a fantasy is better to keep being a fantasy because once is done, there is no fantasy anymore. And most of the times, the fantasy was better than the real experience.

[th****]

My husband most definitely I never trusted a partner enough to open up and to shy to even explore my own fantasy myself he's really allowed me to open up and feel ok Abt my kinks and fantasies and the best part I trust him enough to do it with him bc our bond

[Gw****]

I haven't personally found someone I trust enough to explore it with, maybe one day..

[th****]

You most definitely will

[Shilo66]

For myself, it was because they understood why I was asking the questions I was asking. They understood why I needed certain reassurances to not only cover myself but also for my safety as well as theirs, and, crucially,  they were not phased by any of it. 

In fact, they asked similar questions of me for themselves, and, the right type of questions too.   

Those that made me feel like we were on a similar level in terms of our individual expectations and desires, because they weren't afraid to ask, answer, question, or discuss, were the ones I met up with, and, had some very enjoyable encounters.

I cannot stress / emphasise enough to men, as well as women, the power and importance of vetting, vetting, vetting, and then, following your gut instinct and NOT ignoring what you know, sense or feel isn't right. 

If they can't give a plausible reason or explanation why something is off... then walk away / ghost / block / delete... Because, at the end of the day, it's YOUR safety, health, and liberty, that's at stake!!!  

 

Edited August 16 by Shilo66

[jinxed]

First it was the wonderful openness and playfulness of my first Dom that made me tell him some extreme fantasies so that we subsequently could live them out. With the second one it was pure and simple indifference to being alive that gave me the courage to open up about and then going to rather dark and dangerous places. Somehow I survived and am still intact. So I'll have to keep going it seems. 

[Le****]

For me, it’s when the fantasy became its own world. Seems like a dangerous line of reasoning, but follow with me on this.
It started with a fantasy on total power exchange (TPE). It was safe as a fantasy, I always dreamt on the pros, never the cons. The fun part! And then it spiraled into “well, what if?” What would happen if I did make this fantasy a reality? What would actually change? Is it something I could keep up? After I had that little thought train, that “fantasy” became a consistent daydream. I was thinking about it all the time. Not even just the pro’s, I was speculating everything. The fantasy was something I escaped to outside of the sexual or even intimate aspect. Because I realized it was totally possible now, and it became something I longed for even in the quiet moments with someone.
All that to say, you are well and truly fucked when you start thinking about grocery trips with someone and get a dopey smile on your face. 😂😂😂