Introductions.

[jo****]

Just a POV on the whole “I’m tired of getting ‘hey,’ ‘hi,’ and ‘how are you?’ "low effort" messages” thing:
I understand why it gets old. If your inbox is constantly full, seeing the same three introductions probably becomes mind-numbing.
But consider the experience from the other side.
A lot of men are sending messages into what basically feels like a void. You can reach out to 50, 100, even 150 people and maybe get a couple of genuine responses that, more often than not, lead nowher. After enough of that, how much time and creativity do you realistically expect someone to invest into crafting the perfect personalized introduction for every stranger who will most likely never answer?
And honestly, what exactly is the “correct” opening anymore?

“Hey, how are you?” — Too boring.

A long thoughtful introduction — Trying too hard.

Something sexual — Too aggressive.

Something confident — Cocky.

Something cautious — No confidence.

“Hey beautiful” — Generic.

“Bitch, what are you doing tonight?” — Well...probably don't do that. 😂

There is almost no universally “right” way to introduce yourself to a stranger.
So sometimes “Hi, how are you?” isn't low effort. Sometimes it's literally just someone knocking on the door to see if you're interested in opening it.
If you look at their profile and think they might actually be interesting, call them on it playfully:
“That’s all I get? 😂 Give me something better than ‘hey.’”
Then see what happens.
Maybe they immediately become interesting. Maybe they still can't hold a conversation and you move along.
I just don't think we should judge someone's entire personality, effort, or intentions by the first three words they use to introduce themselves.
Sometimes “Hi, how are you?” is exactly what it has always been:
Common courtesy, basic respect, and an invitation to start a conversation.
The interesting part is supposed to come after you both say hello.

[Ti****]

I appreciate you posting this. However, the majority of women i modern Western, English speaking societies are self-centered and have no empthy\sympathy for men. Or even other women. This might be a waste of time.

[RW****]

This is just a hookup app. I hope no one is looking for their long lost love on here. Like you said it’s a void so I have my own way of cutting straight to it. No one on here is worth wooing.

[Re****]

Maybe we stop doing the contacting and just wait for them to come to us? I figure they'll get bored of the same three messages and start looking for substance. I would love to be approached and appreciated the way we've been trying.

[cl****]

Nah I'm going to try the bitch what are you doing for a little bit and see what happens 😂😂

[JM****]

My POV
Some people are Bots . Unless you videchat with them right away. That way it clears up misunderstanding. You can see the intellectual connection between two people.
I really wish this place would have livestreams people so we can interact.

[ar****]

Imagine actually getting messages last two weren’t even interested lol

[de****]

That is common and why hinge is an absolute failure. Most apps, do not tell.you when the last time someone was on and will pimp 4 month old abandoned profiles. CREEPY ass Feeld does that, unless you pay them *** and click the button. Theres way to many one pic no bio abandoned 4 month ago profiles on this very app, but women still want princess treatment despite not earning it one bit.

[to****]

I think some people genuinely expect you to just… completely take them off their feet with no effort required on their part whatsoever. I compare it to watching a television program that is fact heavy.. the subject interests you! but you CANNOT bring yourself to focus on it or think about it or appreciate what it being said. At this point you say “turn on the mind numbing crap” and you turn it on and promptly stop thinking. This is the issue with people.. they want to enjoy that television program and learn more about what they love, but they are wired for laziness and can’t bring themselves to put forth an ounce of effort.

[sa****]

If you arent willing to put in genuine effort, dont be suprised when you get left on read, and throwing a tantrum about it isnt going to help

[n3****]

I go out n back on how much effort to put into a first message sometimes. I dont like to just say hey or whats up,, I try to ask questions or make comments on what she wrote in her description. 1, because Im usually truly interested, but 2, to show that I took the time to read the profile and not just there because the ass pic. Most of the time now I go straight to the description (if there is one) before even start scrolling the pics. My clumsiness on the phones keyboard is usually what keeps my openers kinda brief. I also take note of what was said in the profile in general and try not to go beyond the vibe they’re putting out. Some are sweet n thoughtful so I stay on the same page and write the same way (all while being honest btw),,, some are graphic and detailed of what nasty acts thay want done to them so I will be more open about what I write while still trying not to go beyond just acknowledging my interest in what they want done. i just try to match the vibe wo going to far, but I do *** me trying to be respectful, could come off as lack of confidence sometimes. But Id prefer to possibly miss out on a good time than be thought of as a creep. Its definitely a balancing act I think. But then again,,, it may just be ugly mug that turns em off and have nothing to do with my messages. 🥴😆😆😆

[Ne****]

100% agree. Im about to give up on apps and buy a hooker.

[Gi****]

It’s quite silly because effort messages get ignored all the time and low effort messages sometimes get a response.

[Ne****]

100% agree. I'm about to quit dating apps and buy the milk for awhile.

[da****]

The same people who have that in their profile always seem to be the ones most guilty of the offense from my experience.

[Ch****]

"Hi...you take beautiful pictures of rivers and I'd love to see more beard". You left out the "show you read a profile and are responding to something specifically to break the ice" approach. We'll respectfully disagree with the "hey how are you" line....still not fans.

[to****]

Another issue with this particular problem is just the way human societal norms are. It is expected for the man to do anything and everything to impress and increase his chances of success.. it is the male’s job to be noticed and selected by the female as we see almost universally in nature. So what you have is a bunch of guys saying outrageous and sexual things to be noticed, and the woman doing the selection is probably going to rarely if ever choose the person that has her best interests in mind (nature doesn’t have this problem). What to do about all this? I don’t know that there’s anything that can be done.

I’ve put in plenty of effort and got not a word of response or even acknowledgment of effort. I got pretty tired of that, so I refuse to do it anymore. Not responding to a “hey what’s up?” that’s no skin off my back. If you consistently do more than that merely hoping that most of it won’t be in vain, good for you! But that is probably compounding the issue even further.. making women even more expectant of massive effort to even get the time of day for them.

I’m content to be ignored with my low effort hello and only start turning on the charm only after I have been dignified with a response.

[Ba****]

Adding to that the message preview is just about long enough to fit a short greeting but using a normal one is boring, using a creative one is weird and skipping it is rude(this last one i agree with)

[Do****]

For real though I spent so much time trying to make my introduction unique but like you said after you do that 50 times and no response it gets old yes I can come up with different stuff just show me a little effort first just my opinion

[Ra****]

I 💯 % agree. They make it so puzzling to start a conversation because every approach is a problem.

[Fr****]

I can understand some of your points. But maybe reaching out to 150 or whatever high number of females profiles isn't a good approach in the first place at all. By doing that you're not trying to make meaningful and matching connections, you're trying to get any connections, expecting to get fast results now for what you need, no matter who's on the other side. As i said, i can understand the difficulty based on the pure and simple mathematics behind an unbalanced amount of female and male profiles on dating platforms, but by allowing yourself patience and focus on fewer but well chosen and articulated contact attempts, you're probably avoiding a lot of unnecessary stress and disappointment in the long run. Don't expect immediate and fast results, just let dating be part of your life, not the center of it.

[Lovelybbygirl91]

It's an interesting perspective. Personally I like to invest in people so low effort copy and paste "Heys" don't appeal to me. I have a character threshold to weed out people who are not interested in actually talking but rather fishing for someone who will bite.

I'm obviously just one person though and can't speak for anyone else. But I do recognize this is frustrating for anyone into women. Women in a general sense want to be pursued and typically don't pursue guys even if they find them attractive. As someone into women I have the same experience where they just don't respond. But also it's not clear how many people are active on here.

I do find it interesting that men will reach out to any women despite not being compatible or having vastly different interests. When talking with other women we could literally compare inboxes and it's the same people reaching out to all of us. So there's nothing really special about it or interesting especially if they say the same thing regardless of what it is.

I had someone ask me what my favorite dinosaur was and we've talked daily so idk maybe start there 😂

I may not be the norm on here though but I really enjoy getting to know people so someone who isn't interested in equally getting to know me and is just looking to jerk off is not really worth my time.

All that to say "Hey, how are you?" is fine but maybe instead go with a more personal question to you. Like vetting someone out in an interview.

So what comes to mind is say someone likes edging you could be like, if I were setting the pace tonight, would you want a slow, controlled tease, or something fast and overwhelming? Just makes you stop and think, stands out among the others and starts a conversation with something more than.. I'm good, and you... type responses. (If anyone tries this let me know how it goes 😂)

[BigAndScary]

Your frustration doesn't take into account the fact that you aren't entitled to anyone here for anything. You can be the sweetest peach in the world and some people just don't like peaches.

[be****]

I start off with low effort, bevause I feel effort is earned mutually. I used to put a lot of thought and energy but those messages rarely get responded to. Once I get a response, then I give as much attention and effort as I receive. Probably why im not doing well on here, but oh well.

[Zi****]

"Wanna do *** and dance naked around a bonfire deep in the woods?" Gets people to notice you.