Introductions.

[je****]

See this why dating sucks you get told one thing just for it to be outdated and before you catch up they're back to the old way

[je****]

The problem isn't low effort messages but unreachable expectations literally take it from the guys view there is absolutely nothing he can do that is a safe opening other then hey or hi any mention of bio Information has a high chance of coming of creepy a pick-up line often makes you scum and keeping it casual ensures you go nowhere with the conversation

[en****]

💯

[st****]

Big facts✅️

[da****]

2 hours ago, jess411 said:

The problem isn't low effort messages but unreachable expectations literally take it from the guys view there is absolutely nothing he can do that is a safe opening other then hey or hi any mention of bio Information has a high chance of coming of creepy a pick-up line often makes you scum and keeping it casual ensures you go nowhere with the conversation

Mention of bio shows that you don’t just see me as an object but a person. Talk about my bio, not just look at my pics

[ey****]

2 hours ago, jess411 said:

The problem isn't low effort messages but unreachable expectations literally take it from the guys view there is absolutely nothing he can do that is a safe opening other then hey or hi any mention of bio Information has a high chance of coming of creepy a pick-up line often makes you scum and keeping it casual ensures you go nowhere with the conversation

I think a little.  There's a lot where acceptance is part of the solution.  In the sense of, accepting there is no such thing as the perfect first message and, no matter how good it is, or good we *think* it is - that there is no certainty the other person would be interested.

This doesn't mean it doesn't suck that you saw someone thought "oh, wow, they're attractive and we have a lot in common" and they just don't go anywhere. But like, getting frustrated ends up just affecting things down a line

A lady once gave me simple advice - keep it brief but make it count. Another lady once told me she reads no opening messages more than 250 words (I don't think she physically counts them - but basically that an opening message doesn't need more than 2 paragraphs.  It probably doesn't need more than one paragraph) 

I think sometimes people reference something on the profile "to prove they read it" but they haven't really kinda read it. Like what when you read the profile helped make you think you'd be compatible.  

[Al****]

Sometimes people who are expecting “meaningful” and in depth conversations, reply to a well constructed message in a very minimalist manner, like : “good” or “thanks”.
Works both ways. 🤷‍♂️

[mi****]

Stick in there! Be active on the app, post pics and comment. Be honest with your intentions.
I am very lucky work my perfect toast from here. 😈💖

[Sv****]

My profile: “I don’t speak German”
75% of messages: “hallo wie geht's ich mag deiner profile"
🫠

[jo****]

I think the cumulative effort behind sending 50, 100, or 150 messages is often misunderstood. This usually isn’t mass-spamming “hey” to 150 women in one night, but making individual attempts over weeks or months: reading profiles, finding genuine points of interest, and reaching out—only to receive no response.
After enough unanswered messages, it’s understandable that someone’s opening might become simpler. Repeatedly putting effort into introductions that disappear into a void is exhausting. That doesn’t necessarily mean he’s careless or copy-pasting the same line to everyone.
So if you find someone interesting despite a basic “hey” or “how are you?”, give the conversation one real chance before dismissing it. Reply once and see what develops. A simple opening is not a verdict on someone’s personality; sometimes it’s just the worn-down first step of a person who has learned not to spend a paragraph on someone who may never answer. You might be passing over a genuinely interesting person because you judged the doorway instead of seeing what was behind it.

[Cl****]

I couldn't have said it better myself. You nailed it with that. Some of us have busy lives and get tired of typing well thought out opening messages. They never get opened. So sending 100 great openers and 100 simple "hey what's up" openers fet essentially the same result. If youre a man or a woman and someone takes the time to message you. Open it! How much effort does it take to read the message. We take all this time writing them and your either too entitled, self absorbed or just lazy to read it?!! I'm over it. It's a waste of time. With little to no pay off. Like I said I get plenty of action in reality. This is for me personally self degrading and pathetic. No offense to anyone reading in talking about me personally

[Re****]

Wait is this a dating site??? I thought it was a hook up site.
Im not on here looking for love. We may get hit up all the time, but only 1 put of the 100 is even worth our time.
Im 53 I do not have time to dilly dally. Are we gonna do this or not.

[ey****]

5 hours ago, johnnypro1 said:

I think the cumulative effort behind sending 50, 100, or 150 messages is often misunderstood. This usually isn’t mass-spamming “hey” to 150 women in one night, but making individual attempts over weeks or months: reading profiles, finding genuine points of interest, and reaching out—only to receive no response.
After enough unanswered messages, it’s understandable that someone’s opening might become simpler.

I can sympathise but then also kinda feel.  That however many people someone is messaging over whatever period of time - if it starts to get that rejections (be it a reply that is 'no' or goes nowhere, a "thanks but no thanks" and hit the ignore, or simply no response) has a negative effect on morale, wellbeing, mood, etc. then take some form of break

If it leads to a drop in your effort, then that in turn is going to reduce the chances of things going anywhere - which can cause a spiral on the previous

 

[Pa****]

I’ve tried many different intros. I think I’m going to lead with something new for a while and see what happens.

“Show me your butthole so we can be friends.”

[Re****]

9 hours ago, RedVelvet454509 said:

Wait is this a dating site??? I thought it was a hook up site.
Im not on here looking for love. We may get hit up all the time, but only 1 put of the 100 is even worth our time.
Im 53 I do not have time to dilly dally. Are we gonna do this or not.

Out of the 100**

[je****]

I get what the girls are saying you want to be complimented and built up in the interactions yet mention eyes, hair, smile (thought 50/50) are often creepy comments or give off f**k boy energy all thats left is hi how was your day and pray something is mentioned for you to build off

[si****]

All you have to do is be chill and personal. I’ve had better conversations that have come from men telling me I have beautiful hair. It’s not that difficult

[fi****]

Yep this is what I always say. Same applies to making a bio, it ***ts a fake picture of me. I like to fish, watch sports etc.. but it doesnt ***t a picture of me i havent fished in 2 weeks.

I could write a paragraph for an introductory message and itll just sound weird and fake.

Ive even resported to sexual messages if the girl seems like a mashochist on her profile and it works better than thought but its hard to find anything

[Ve****]

I agree Johnny. I got a match on another app. I sent a first message. Hello, how are you. She replied "I am fine, how about you". I replied. "I am doing good too."

That concluded the interaction. She never replied again and in the past. Trying to continue the conversation is usually a waste of time. Getting past "hey" or an initial greeting is so difficult. So many women are completely apathetic.

I am honestly done. I have written short novels trying to get to know someone who only replied with 1 word replies. For a 3 paragraph message. Ultimately she said I was boring and wasn't putting in much effort or something similar. She never asked me anything.

Getting even a one word reply was like pulling rooster teeth. I hate to say it.. but after experimenting. Contacting a man on apps is like talking to a genuine human and I am not interested in dating a man.

Messaging woman as a man. Trying to carry on a conversation with them. It's like talking to an emotionless wall, that occasionally bounces back the same question you asked it first.
They won't talk, and apparently none of them lead interesting lives. I now feel nothing but apathy about getting matches on any app. It's not like they message first. I am still expected to carry the conversation, make an amazing first impression. Not compliment physical appearance. I am supposed to read minds and compliment their personality. Even though they won't talk so I can discover their personality. 😂

[De****]

Saturday at 01:48 PM, jaxnorth said:

But you think your profile is interesting? There's a lot of words there but 4/5 of it is you ranting about what you don't want. That's not interesting that's not giving us a glimpse at how great you are it's telling us that you're already scolding people you haven't met

Lol I get plenty of messages from the kind of guys I'm looking for who have read it and understand this thing called boundaries, which you clearly don't. You're not the kind of guy I'm looking for, so your criticism is completely irrelevant to me. Thanks, though😂

[De****]

Saturday at 02:55 PM, Legionis said:

The whole problem with the "listen to women" thing you put forward is that each woman wants different things, tells you the wrong things half the time because she doesn't even know what the hell she wants, and then when you point at the confusion you get a snarky attack comment like what you just posted. We REALLY don't want someone like that replying to us, so most of us are happy to be saved the trouble. I've fucked my share of high maintenance crazy, I'm never disappointed to get passed up by it.

I'm not confused at all. I just know a misogynist when I see one🙂

[De****]

Saturday at 09:56 PM, boundfun19 said:

So being perfectly polite gets you blocked when the woman initiates contact? Make it make sense.

Yeah...that has nothing to do with me or anything I said. Nice try

[Ba****]

3 hours ago, Demeter333 said:

Lol I get plenty of messages from the kind of guys I'm looking for who have read it and understand this thing called boundaries, which you clearly don't. You're not the kind of guy I'm looking for, so your criticism is completely irrelevant to me. Thanks, though😂

Nice

But back to the intended topic of discussion
Are you among the „don’t ‚hey‘ at me“-crowd, do they skip greetings entirely and do you respond more to their photo, profile description or actually directly to the messages you got??

[De****]

23 minutes ago, Barthold said:

Nice

But back to the intended topic of discussion
Are you among the „don’t ‚hey‘ at me“-crowd, do they skip greetings entirely and do you respond more to their photo, profile description or actually directly to the messages you got??

I, personally, don't see anything wrong with a "hey" or simple greeting, as I don't believe it automatically means one is generally low-effort. If, however, that's paired with their bio having little to nothing about what they're looking for or I can see no effort is put into the profile, I'm more likely to assume they're low-effort in general or messaging any and everyone probably just on here looking for anything to stick it in and won't find them worth getting excited over. Regardless of how they look. I almost always look at the profiles of those who message me. Sending d**k pics or telling me what they want to do to me that I've made clear in my bio that I don't want is warrants an immediate block. I can obviously only speak for myself, but I'm much more likely to get excited and respond to someone who's made it clear that they've read my profile and want the same things I do. It's a great place to start IMO. I hope this answers your questions.

[C3****]

You guys remember bumble?? Back in the day, women hat to write the first message there. Was the entire point of it. But the women on the app complained so long about it, that they removed the feature. Tells you all you need to know…. And now they are back at the classic „don’t hey me“ 🤣🤣🤣