Mb**** Posted September 18 Agreed, ladies don't take it personal, if the conversation takes off, you will have the opportunity to see who the person is, just have to get past the opening line!
C3**** Posted September 18 Preach!! Especially when they have some bland profile with almost no info in it….
Deleted Member Posted September 18 I agree with this 💯.An approach, I use more often than not is "how has life treated you lately" or "how do you see life through your eyes". Depending on what your looking for here, and actually want to engage with another person. That way it shows interest in who they are from the start and may drive engagement moving forward. Communication is the vehicle that gets us places here, sometimes we just dont know what vehicle to dive or the route to our destination. I appreciate your insight and honesty 🤌
Firepit Posted September 18 I don't even bother now. Just sending soanks which I've no idea even work. There are bot accounts galore now and a lot of simply ogle-centric accounts frankly.
Inbrunst Posted September 18 Of course you are right and deserves every visibility but this was never about being right. Women just want it their way and their way is stupid for one or the other reason. We have a lot of double standards in this world so unless you can be an activist, which I promote it is more about how you can manoeuvre around the drama. In this case I say focus on the ones who have integrity and genuine interest and respect and find a way coping with the fact that there are not that many of that sort who have evolved beyond transactional affection.
bl**** Posted September 19 What else am I supposed to say when the profile is completely blank, accept for, "don't just say hey"?
chefhands Posted September 19 I can appreciate were you are coming from. I Would love to hear some Female perspective here? If the bio and profile effort isn't put in intially it's even harder to speak to anything more than, Hi, or How are you? or something about their appearance.
Si**** Posted September 19 I believe you might be onto something—-but judging from the complete lack of responses to your topic, I would venture to guess the ladies don’t agree…
Ki**** Posted September 19 I may be one of the odd ones out on this (though I hope I'm not) but I don't care how many people message with a "hey, how are you?" I see it exactly as mentioned. It's an invitation to start a conversation. I have giggled at some jokes sent or have appreciatied the thoughtful message based on my profile but I have talked for long time with a simple hey, how are you message just as I've talked very little with the big thought message cause for me it's just how the conversations have gone. In my opinion, I don't even try to talk to anyone that has stipulations for conversations. Anything real and worth pursuing should be able to have small conversations and big deep ones too. Wish you luck in finding someone who fits you!
Karasu_Tegu Posted September 19 I refer to it a the Blue Whale approach to dating, they Filter Feed. It's sad.
Li**** Posted September 19 Personally, I don't mind a simple "hello, how are you? " and then maybe even a small reference to something I wrote in my profile. For me, it's getting the greeting and then I go looking at the profile bio and absolutely nothing of the bare basics of what I'm looking for is there. I'm looking for an LTR and their profile says they're looking for NSA or just a fun time. So then I don't answer or if I do answer with a "hey, I see you're only looking for x, but I'm looking for y" and then 9/10 times I get a snarky reply that's totally unnecessary. 🤷🏽♀️ We're all looking for something. Most women have a clear statement about what they want right up front without wasting anyone's time with sending a message. Sometimes reading a bio that matches what you're looking for and sending them a message verses 20 messages sent to people just based on their profile picture gets you further than getting 20 non responses. Just my 2 cents.
CL**** Posted September 19 💯 I'm with ya on that. I'll try and craft something if someone checks off all my boxes but some women put nothing beyond a picture as unique stuff on the profile and still write 'don't just send 'hey'' on their profiles. Gotta give me something to work with if you want a unique hello but that being said it is just an opening. If you look at my profile after 'hi' and don't want to reach out, Ok fine I can't do anything about that but if you like what you see then maybe as the song suggests Take A Chance On Me
PL**** Posted September 19 I agree with you. However, if someone makes reference to one of my posts or responses in my profile and the profile itself, then I am far more likely to show interest because they read my profile first. I do not think it important to judge someone on those first few words, especially if they show they made an effort.
Pr**** Posted September 19 It's fatigue overall, not saying this to excuse the behavior when done out of rudeness. There are a lot of men and women that if they are responded to take that as an automatic "we're in a relationship." So many have to be cautious about who they open the door to, as many don't like to hurt anyone's feelings. Most people who are considered conventionally attractive get bombarded by outrageous amounts of messages, sometimes messages that if the bio were read, they would know were a waste of time. I say this because I've learned from groups I take part in, it can be exhausting to respond to all these message s a day while also living their lives outside the app, sometimes your message may be lost in the pile. This is just one of the realities of social media and online life in general. Sometimes it's best just to post pictures, occasionally update your bio and let those interested in you find you. I don't say this out of rudeness; it just is what it is.
Deleted Member Posted September 19 Yeah it’s hard, and everything you said has a really compelling argument. With this reality, we have to do our best to not take it personally. It’s not up to us to manage how they interpret our openers, let alone respond. But there are a couple things we can do before/during messaging: - check her message activity, if you see a lot of received and few responses, red flag. - bio check: does she show her personality? Does it look like her vibe is intentional in being here, or does she say “don’t do x…” or something that sounds standoffish? The latter is a red flag. - no bio, red flag. - does she respond but doesn’t reciprocate your energy? red flag. I’m not saying that she needs to be overjoyed to talk with you, but if the conversation feels one sided, etc., red flag. Unfortunately, most women here are looking for validation, not connection.. Bottom line, when you start discerning who and how you approach, you start building an ‘ick’ towards that kind of behavior and it becomes easier. Good luck brotha 👍
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