What Makes Online Dating Hard for Men and Women?

[Deleted Member]

Here's my prognosis:

 

Women:

• more harassment
• but also greater bulk of correspondence to filter out incompatible vs compatible prospective partners 
• opportunity to delete/block/ignore incompatible prospects
• option to change gender to male, then you don't get messaged by a lot (if any) men. this just means you have to go round male profiles yourself and initiate conversations
• not required to create thoughtful innovative first messages to profiles that are blank or that have a lot of words but don't really "speak" a lot about a person.
• get to participate in forum discussions and share gynocentric opinions that centre around the herd mindset of culturally sensitive mainstream narratives and everyone will adore you
• get to vent your frustration about all the male losers online and everyone will pat you on the back for it

 

Men:

• have to deal with larger bulk of scammers
• have to contain extreme frustration from very low bulk of correspondence to filter out incompatible vs compatible prospects
• hardly anybody to delete/block/ignore anyway
• changing your profile gender to female doesn't give you an opportunity to message more women and get new correspondence
• required to create thoughtful innovative first messages to a large bulk of profiles that are blank or have lots of words but don't really "speak" a lot about a person
• might have to participate in forum discussions to find new women but only if your opinion belongs to the herd (culturally sensitive mainstream narratives) otherwise everyone will resent you anyway
• have to contain extreme frustration about silly opinions about you're not supposed to message someone with an ordinary simple, introduction like you would in real life and let your profile do the talking 

[ey****]

I'm not sure I agree with some of your conclusions - but - I will add some from a purely male perspective and purely what I find difficult

1) Very rare does a woman make the first move

2) When they do make the first move (or reply to a message); trying to establish if they are being polite, just wanting a conversation, or interested. 

3) Not wanting to be pushy to then push someone away, or go intense too quick. But not wanting to be too lax incase she thinks you're not interested

4) When left on read. Is she busy, no longer interested, or forgot to reply?

5) When is it OK to prod a conversation that seems to have become stuck on read?

6) Trying to work out if my situation makes me seem too easy or too difficult (I am married but poly.  My main interest is local play partners, but, actually, I have spent most of the last 5 years travelling to meet people.  So for the right person I would totally travel.  Which then becomes a case of - what someone be happy with seeing someone who only travels to see them ad hoc?)

7) Ooh, someone new and local - do I welcome them or wait? Welcoming them might see them being bombarded by too many people but waiting might seem too Blaise

[ey****]

I think as a further - not so much from the dating aspect, but

men's pictures for example receive a lot fewer 'loves' - generally I believe this is a little down to that men tend not to like other men's pictures, but women will like other womens - whilst also I'm sure many women have seen a picture they thought was nice and hit love and then immediate got a DM hitting on them.  So, tend to be a bit more reserved.  

That said, obviously this can suck when you put up a photo when you've felt good about yourself, especially if there's esteem issues and it's sat on one pity-love (some of this is a bit more common on another website)

But on this one; men don't win the picture contests on this site.

[Ar****]

1 hour ago, BlushingFlush said:

required to create thoughtful innovative first messages to a large bulk of profiles that are blank

The butthurt seems strong with this post. I want to be sorry for the bad experiences which have made you this way, only it seems I'm too tired to attempt that level of empathy today.

 

But more than anything, what on earth would incline you to WANT to write a message to a profile which is blank, never mind feel "required" to? Open question to anybody who is/does, this is a mindset I'm curious to understand. 

[Deleted Member]

I'm not trying to be mean but at some point we need to stop overthinking why we're not getting what we want and go do something else.

[BigPolly]

43 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

men's pictures for example receive a lot fewer 'loves' - generally I believe this is a little down to that men tend not to like other men's pictures, but women will like other womens - whilst also I'm sure many women have seen a picture they thought was nice and hit love and then immediate got a DM hitting on them.  So, tend to be a bit more reserved.  

Woahhh ok, I didn’t realise women did this, I thought it was just me 🙈

[qu****]

Unfortunately in a lot of cases, and I stress I'm not saying all, but in the case of men the main profile photo seems to be the initial source of attraction, irrelevant to what's contained in a profile, this was bourne out a couple of years ago in America where, a couple of dating sites took down all photos creating a blind date scenario, the result was more people met, admittedly they found few went onto develope relationships but those that did were in the main those who wouldn't of been interested if they'd seen an initial photo, makes you wonder...

[ey****]

14 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

, but in the case of men the main profile photo seems to be the initial source of attraction

I won't say main

but it is definitely something that has been proven to be a first impression

and this is something which can be really difficult because if a man doesn't wish to show a face pic - that - there's often a slight lack of appealing alternatives.  

I think there is potential to be a lot of different results if, as you say, no one has a photo.  

[Deleted Member]

47 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

But more than anything, what on earth would incline you to WANT to write a message to a profile which is blank, never mind feel "required" to? Open question to anybody who is/does, this is a mindset I'm curious to understand. 

There just isn't anything to say on the vast majority of profiles. You've got to message somebody.

 

 

[ge****]

45 minutes ago, BroodyJudy said:

I'm not trying to be mean but at some point we need to stop overthinking why we're not getting what we want and go do something else.

Agree absolutely - it's almost a pointless and fruitless task trying to figure out and one that usually ends up in the same circular arguments without any real conclusion being drawn - and the reason for that is there is no real and definitive answer.

Attraction, whether it be on-line or real world, is a very subjective thing, that is pretty unique to each and every individual - there are no "rules", there are no "requirements" (other than remaining considerate, polite and respectful etc) - sure there are guidelines which will stand most people in good stead, but at the same time offer no guarantees. It's about finding the right approach and the right people and not much else.

No-one has it easier or harder than the next person - we each face our own difficulties and it's up to each of us as individuals to make the best of it that we can, and if we don't it's no-one else's fault.

I've always believed it's best to focus on our own experiences on sires like this, and to focus on those that *are* a good match, rather than worrying about those that aren't or why others have no interest in me. It's certainly made my experience a lot better.

[li****]

All this guy does is piss and moan about anything and everything to do with this site. It's becoming very boring and monotonous! You don't like what the site has to offer then go somewhere else. 

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, lil-monster said:

All this guy does is piss and moan about anything and everything to do with this site. It's becoming very boring and monotonous! You don't like what the site has to offer then go somewhere else. 

I'm not talking about anything that's exclusive to this site. It's a general phenomena even outside this site.

[li****]

20 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

I'm not talking about anything that's exclusive to this site. It's a general phenomena even outside this site.

👍 Then what you doing in this lifestyle if all you do is piss and moan about it and have nothing good or productive to say?? 

Edited September 26, 2021 by lil-monster

[qu****]

Unfortunately these things do happen, but yes, not so much here, as for sites away from here, yes it's more common, but that isn't here, and in reality all that matters is here as it's the site we choose to join, and yes to stay if you're happy overall with it, is it perfect, no, but it is a damn sight better then others. Yes at times other sites may be mentioned but usually just as a comparison. The thing that makes it hard is that writing in black and white appears hard, and an intention meant doesn't always appear the way it sounds in your head. Just think yourself lucky you don't have to try and explain a hidden health problem to the DWP via a loaded questionnaire

[Je****]

Erm............................ uh...........................

 

 

Nope.

[sassy_erika]

I don’t agree.

Women have to deal with equally as many fakes, flakes, scammers & liars on any dating platform as men.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, lil-monster said:

👍 Then what you doing in this lifestyle if all you do is piss and moan about it and have nothing good or productive to say?? 

I'm talking about dating in general.

 

[li****]

1 hour ago, BlushingFlush said:

I'm talking about dating in general.

 

🙄 Then clearly you are bitter about past relationships 

[Deleted Member]

Just now, lil-monster said:

🙄 Then clearly you are bitter about past relationships 

You'd think so but no.

[Deleted Member]

Please for the love of god can we stop with these boring, repetitive and divisive threads? 🤯

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, Dragonflylover said:

Please for the love of god can we stop with these boring, repetitive and divisive threads? 🤯

Personally, I find a thread about why women have dating harder because of harassment boring, repetitive and divisive but no-one else gives a toss. It's only when you present the other side of the coin people suddenly care.

[li****]

1 hour ago, Dragonflylover said:

Please for the love of god can we stop with these boring, repetitive and divisive threads? 🤯

He's a troll he won't stop!! And we keep feeding him. He's never happy it seems, he'll bore on about dating in general and say he isn't bitter about online dating or past relationships!!! It's getting pathetic and boring now I don't even think he knows what he wants as dating in general and this site clearly don't seem to be doing anything for him and yet he wonders why  🤷‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🙄

[li****]

1 hour ago, BlushingFlush said:

Personally, I find a thread about why women have dating harder because of harassment boring, repetitive and divisive but no-one else gives a toss. It's only when you present the other side of the coin people suddenly care.

Because people are actually giving you advice but because it's a different opinion to yours you get defensive and argue!!!! Hence why people are getting bored of your topics.

[Deleted Member]

Just now, lil-monster said:

Because people are actually giving you advice but because it's a different opinion to yours you get defensive and argue!!!! Hence why people are getting bored of your topics.

I don't want advice.

[li****]

2 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

I don't want advice.

🙄