Wearing a collar without a dom as a sub?

[river77jones]

Hi everyone! How are you all?

(this could be a stupid question sorry)

I am a new sub in the community and have a lot to learn haha. I am also currently without a dom, and I was wondering if I could wear a collar (e.g. O-ring collar) to represent that I am in the community and generally just for myself. I don't intend to be over the top with or super in your face about it, just nice and simple. I also don't want to offend people by wearing one if I don't have a dom.

Is it ok if I wear one, should I wait until I have found and consented with the right partner or is their a alternative style I can do?

[E-dUbBs]

To my view collars are not always exclusively about ownership eg I have play collars for my sub too though she does have” a collar “
In my view often things are overthought
If it’s not hurting anyone, do what makes you happy etc

[Philip2004]

You are entitled to wear one if you want to, it's a fashion statement after all, if when you have a Dom, Domme, they give you theirs that makes it special to you both, so don't worry.

[ey****]

Short answer : wear the collar

Longer answer :

While there is symbolism in the Dominant placing a collar on you and saying "you're mine" it's not the only way to enjoy something

Many people wear collars either for fashion, to signify they are submissive, or, "self collaring" 

A lot of styles don't really mean anything. 

[Deleted Member]

I have a ***r I like to wear because it makes me feel nice. As others have said it's personal choice.

For me a collar signifies ownership, j have a cheap costume colkar I wore once or twice to events, but it feels alien because it has not been put their by a Dom

Go for it....live for today 😁

[Deleted Member]

Wear what you 😁

[Charms]

Wear what you like. If ot makes you happy wear it. Your not hurting any 1 at all.  There is no rule that says you can not wear 1.

I personally have a neckles that I wear every day that master gave me. To every 1 it just looks like a neckles.  But master an I know what it represents.  But I also have a collar that I wear at kink events or when master an I are playing

[li****]

As many have stated it's up to you and whatever you feel comfortable with wearing. You can wear a collar as an every day piece, or to go with any outfit. Collaring in D/s is something that is personal to you and your Dom/me either the Dom/me will chose for you or you will choose one or both together. 

 

I have many collars, one for when me and Sir have a play session so that's just a lovely little necklace type collar with a purple stone in the middle, our rope collar for when we do shibari, and my collar which has spikes on it which is the one I wear to events and clubs etc. I'm not collared 24/7 and that's my and my Sir's choice as I don't need to collared 24/7 to know that I am already his, but it's down to you and what you feel comfortable with, within your dynamic.

[4R****]

I have two questions for you...... Do you understand the meaning of the collar and how much reverence a Dominant puts into collaring a submissive? Do you understand what that collar symbolises and how hurt a Dominant would be if you treated the collar as anything less than the epitome of your dynamic? 

Respecting the fact that you've said you are new to the lifestyle, I understand that you may not be able to answer those questions. I don't know you and do not judge but I do speak my mind. 

Many have said "wear what you want" and in line with my belief that the only way to live this lifestyle is "your way" I agree with this position. But I'm an old school Dom that has been around a relatively long time and I do hold traditional values in my beliefs and in the way I do things. So whilst the "Do it your way" does hold true, something to consider is the setting in which you are wearing a collar as an unowned submissive.

If you are wearing a collar as a general daywear piece of jewellery when you are out and about or around the house or whatever then it won't make much difference.

But if in every picture you post of yourself you are wearing the collar or if you attend a lifestyle events, be it a munch, informal or moreso a formal gathering wearing a collar then others would naturally assume that you are collared and according to traditional protocols others would (or should) avoid engaging with you until they have first engaged with your Dominant (the one you don't have) and he has given consent for them to engage with you. And so if you are seeking a Dominant then this could be counter productive for you. 

Some will still approach anyway, regardless of whether or not they believe you are collared. But then you have to consider what type of Dominant you are seeking. Do you want a more traditional Dom who has learned and studied and understands the traditional protocols and values of the roots of BDSM and respects the meaning of someone wearing a collar? Or do you want one that has no respect and runs ruffshod over everything that the traditions of the lifestyle stand for because they are only interested in the kinky stuff?

The choice, as they say, is yours! ;)

 

[Deleted Member]

Interesting topic, I have a few collars they are mainly for looks over function in my case, I'm a switch by nature so I don't really fall in to Dom or sub. I do understand the meaning of what a collar signifies in the D,s lifestyle. With that in mind I feel the D-ring could be an important part in identifying if someone is owned or not by adding something to it like a jewel for not owned or small padlock for owned . This is just my own thoughts on this, and have done this to my own collars, also it makes them personal to me. Traditions do change over time, that happens with everything, but it is important to know the history of it.

[ey****]

8 hours ago, SirArchA said:

But if in every picture you post of yourself you are wearing the collar or if you attend a lifestyle events, be it a munch, informal or moreso a formal gathering wearing a collar then others would naturally assume that you are collared and according to traditional protocols others would (or should) avoid engaging with you until they have first engaged with your Dominant (the one you don't have) and he has given consent for them to engage with you. And so if you are seeking a Dominant then this could be counter productive for you. 

See - there's bits I agree with and bits which are ***fully wide of the mark.

So - yeah, wearing a collar at a munch or event *may* lead people to think you are collared.  But, so what? 

There's different lines of how this could progress.  Mostly is that seeing you have a collar most people would see this as a mark you are unavailable - so - would therefore not hit on you. Fucking winning.    Some might subscribe to the whole "can't speak without permission" thing, but in context - if this is a munch then such protocol doesn't belong in a munch.

Events have different degrees of protocol - but - honestly, you see someone with a collar, it's fucking obvious they're alone - even if you subscribe to the uberly Domliest of rules that their Dominant MIGHT have there would be nothing to stop an approach which begins "Do I need the permission of your Dominant to speak with you?"

The whole not speaking without permission only applies in designated protocol settings.  Taking someone to a social event and then expecting them to adhere to high protocol is a dick move.

[RosesHaveThorns75]

Collars espically with studs on & O-rings are signs of being into certain subcultures too generally music's 🤔🔥🔥can't imagine heavy metal fans goths or punks asking "permission" to wear risqué  leather Articals I'm someone who'd wear a collar as I'm pagan and itd mean "religious commitment"  & sex and religion go together like a hat & feather!! And also just kinky 😯 but that's the thing it has multi-cultural aspects at depending on enviroments & connections!! Back in the day lots of thrash metal bands wore studdded collars which meant "heavy metal slave" and "band member"  and social rebellion dark & primative religions it really added to the vibe(s) 💀🔥🔥💀 you can't wear them for that long if you wear a lot of neck chains and they can wear out if your active/sporty so it kinda represents restriction & control too......he he

[RAMB]

I am considered a switch and brand new in most but i wear a chain and lock just to signify in the bdsm life style,and only those that are in it will know what it is unless you tell them thats the way i look at it?i could also be wrong.?

[TheBookCollector]

Wearing a collar doesnt signify if you are in the lifestyle.or not, it used to be a punk thing, and.i think its adopted by goths as well.

Also most owned subs will not wear something so obvious, i know.many.that have day colars that are look like nothing more than a bracelet or necklace, its only when you.look closely you notice the fixed clasp.

That said i used to see a 55+ year old gentleman on the northern line wearing a full padlocked collar on his way home.

Its upto everyine what they wear, although i do find it amusing when i see a dom/me wearing a collar.

[TheBookCollector]

13 hours ago, RAMB said:

I am considered a switch and brand new in most but i wear a chain and lock just to signify in the bdsm life style,and only those that are in it will know what it is unless you tell them thats the way i look at it?i could also be wrong.?

Thats a fallacy, a.lot of goths wear similar types of jewelry, and the chances are they are not involved in the lifestyle.

Even wearing a triskelion pendant is subjective as its meaning predates any BDSM association and is found in designs from ancient greece to celtic scriblings, the Isle of Man symbol is a triskelion.

Similar to the swastika having little to do with the nazis except for a brief period the 1930s-1946 as it was used as a spiritual symbol in Indian religions 1000 years before the Nazis where a factor, its also used in dozens of other euraisan cultures.

[Deleted Member]

Most of my ***rs could easily double as a collar and are sometimes assumed to be a collar. I say wear whatever makes you happy. I'm not a collared sub but I love my jewelry so for me it makes me happy to match my jewelry with my outfit. 

[Submissive-Scott]

I am also new to the Sub lifestyle with my wife being the Dom. Recently she placed a collar on me to signify that she now owns me. it is very special to me. 

You collar whether it comes from a Dom or has a different meaning coming from yourself is still perfectly fine. 

[Spex65]

This is good to know means I can wear my collar without having a mistress

[Deleted Member]

Well for me I only wear what my Dom or Master gives me, cause it has been given to me with meaning and if I accept it's has meaning too and anyone know better. Cause for me that collar means the world it's as important as a ring it's trust and commitment but I'm old school so what do I know🍭🧚‍♀️

[ey****]

I think there is a lot that varies on era.  

The whole concept of collaring and being presented and different types of collar and so on - has circa 50 years history.  That like other pre-internet coded things (and ***age girls wore collars in the 1950s to show if they were available for boys to approach) it let people know you were into kink and possibly an idea of your status - whether you were owned, or available.   

So submissives wearing collars without a Dominant, all told, has more history than ONLY wearing a collar that has been presented by a Dominant.

But equally. Even if you choose to collar yourself - this doesn't make being later collared by a Dominant any more nor less special, nor does it affect how special it was, or wasn't to someone else.

[RAMB]

Mine is just a chain and a lock just signify that i am in the life style not to mean i have a dom so it should not bother people and not have a ring to sig anything else should not be a bother