How does your kinks affect your life

[Dustykat]

My desires or my nightmares I haven’t decided which is the most proficient and if they are connected. But they live in the same house in my brain, so does that make me deranged or sociopath or just a girl with strange desires. I have to live with them and try to resolve why I have them and how to turn them into a positive way of life.  I haven’t always had a positive life but that wasn’t in my control, I was just a child but now I have control and what I do with it matters. I still have strong urges of lust and desires, my needs haven’t changed but how I go about has. I am cautious with who and how I met my future mate. Things are not always what they are sometimes they are far from I what I dream they can turn around into nightmares and miserable so always be careful who you meet out there. How does your kinks affect you ? And what have you done to turn them around?

[BadDesires]

I don't know about anyone else but I find unless my mind is busy with other distractions it auto focuses on kinky fantasies. It can be extremely frustrating especially when I don't have someone to share them with.
In my free time my mind can end up lost down the rabbit hole.
But life needs balance and so I find ways to distract myself from this. Work, family and friends being the obvious form of distraction. My mind also enjoys puzzles, books, movies and games so plenty of ways to keep it occupied.
On the surface I'm a closet kinkster so all of my kink experience is trapped in the mind and my private space.

[Scorpios_Sub]

You know... I understand this... and I'm following this post as I work very similarly so I'd be keen to see the advice people share.

[Dustykat]

6 minutes ago, BadDesires said:

I don't know about anyone else but I find unless my mind is busy with other distractions it auto focuses on kinky fantasies. It can be extremely frustrating especially when I don't have someone to share them with.
In my free time my mind can end up lost down the rabbit hole.
But life needs balance and so I find ways to distract myself from this. Work, family and friends being the obvious form of distraction. My mind also enjoys puzzles, books, movies and games so plenty of ways to keep it occupied.
On the surface I'm a closet kinkster so all of my kink experience is trapped in the mind and my private space.

I understand everyone has their ways mine I write stories it helps letting them out so they don't get bottle out in me 

[Dustykat]

4 minutes ago, Scorpios_Sub said:

You know... I understand this... and I'm following this post as I work very similarly so I'd be keen to see the advice people share.

I happy to see I'm not alone in this 🧚‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

For me its like breathing , something i can not live without. I gave tried many times and it never seems to work. Sometimes it had led me into dangerous situations with partners that i believe had i not walked away could of been worse than threats. I have learned to really get to know people online first and be patient with what i want and who i do it with. That beung said impving to florida from colorado next week and have to start new there so i find myself thinking more about wjat i want and less about the dangers involved.

[Carnelian2]

I have in fact expressed it very similarly to yourself that my kinky side at times could feel like a curse or a heavy stone that I have to carry. I have at various stages of my life tried to put the stone down but only found that I went back to carry it again.
Over the last, maybe 10 years or so, I have accepted that it is part of me just like any other characteristic that I have. Whilst I know what I like and dislike in kink as well as everything else, that part is very much an evolving part that is defined by the people I meet and impulses I get.

I can only talk about what I like today. That defines me today, and helps me evolve into the person I will be tomorrow. Therefore, I try to have positive experiences.
I have to say that, I have been lucky to have had many of those to date, but that may also come with the mindset. Accepting that I have to carry that stone is the first step. It is nice, polished and shiny now and I quite like it :)

[Mr_Nobody]

As I have always thought, we are all like a moon, with a bright face and a dark side.

[DarkArts1066]

Dustykat, you are not a girl with ‘strange’ desires, rather they are desires unique to you (in their combination and order of importance anyway..)

You are no doubt cautious due to past experiences … this is how we learn in everyday life - and kink life also.

My own personal kink journey started when I was young -ish. Probably 8 or 9, when I used to play (innocently I might add..) with a female friend, who wore some kind of rubber Mack. I remember the smell of it, and the feel of it gave me sensations I was unfamiliar with - and at that time had no idea how to respond to (thankfully).
Fast forward to my late ***s, having had the usual round of fumbles as a boy… and then being in a lift on a school trip to the London Stock exchange and the Nat West Tower (as it was back then.) A young woman, smartly dressed in office attire, with the largest breasts I had ever seen gets i. With us schoolboys and my teacher, and she spends 15 seconds squashed up against my shoulder, and chest, before the lift stops and the door opens.
I remember the smell of her, the warmth of her breasts against me, and their softness.
And thus from that day forward, my big breast fetish was born.

Today I enjoy most forms of sex and kink…
Or kink and sex, depending on how I feel at the time. I seem to be on a journey, one experience leads me to wonder about athe next - or possibly a variation of that already experienced.

One thing I have discovered, is that I enjoy exploring other peoples kinks and ideas - as they are different to my own, and frequently something I haven’t considered.

I am happy to talk to people about that, and my many other fetishes, but they are many and some are complex …. So I don’t want to bore you all.
(Plus I could probably write a five hundred page book on them and my experiences to date …. And no one has that amount of time online…….!)

[TheBookCollector]

They dont interfere with day to day life, i control my kinks and fetishes they dont control me.

[Dustykat]

4 hours ago, Cynicalone said:

For me its like breathing , something i can not live without. I gave tried many times and it never seems to work. Sometimes it had led me into dangerous situations with partners that i believe had i not walked away could of been worse than threats. I have learned to really get to know people online first and be patient with what i want and who i do it with. That beung said impving to florida from colorado next week and have to start new there so i find myself thinking more about wjat i want and less about the dangers involved.

I understand I’m the same but time is our friend 

[Dustykat]

3 hours ago, Carnelian2 said:

I have in fact expressed it very similarly to yourself that my kinky side at times could feel like a curse or a heavy stone that I have to carry. I have at various stages of my life tried to put the stone down but only found that I went back to carry it again.
Over the last, maybe 10 years or so, I have accepted that it is part of me just like any other characteristic that I have. Whilst I know what I like and dislike in kink as well as everything else, that part is very much an evolving part that is defined by the people I meet and impulses I get.

I can only talk about what I like today. That defines me today, and helps me evolve into the person I will be tomorrow. Therefore, I try to have positive experiences.
I have to say that, I have been lucky to have had many of those to date, but that may also come with the mindset. Accepting that I have to carry that stone is the first step. It is nice, polished and shiny now and I quite like it

I’m just starting to accept who I am and learning to control my needs🧚🏻‍♀️

[Dustykat]

3 hours ago, Mr_Nobody said:

As I have always thought, we are all like a moon, with a bright face and a dark side.

Yes I think like you do but some of us are really dark 🧚🏻‍♀️

[Dustykat]

2 hours ago, DarkArts1066 said:

Dustykat, you are not a girl with ‘strange’ desires, rather they are desires unique to you (in their combination and order of importance anyway..)

You are no doubt cautious due to past experiences … this is how we learn in everyday life - and kink life also.

My own personal kink journey started when I was young -ish. Probably 8 or 9, when I used to play (innocently I might add..) with a female friend, who wore some kind of rubber Mack. I remember the smell of it, and the feel of it gave me sensations I was unfamiliar with - and at that time had no idea how to respond to (thankfully).
Fast forward to my late ***s, having had the usual round of fumbles as a boy… and then being in a lift on a school trip to the London Stock exchange and the Nat West Tower (as it was back then.) A young woman, smartly dressed in office attire, with the largest breasts I had ever seen gets i. With us schoolboys and my teacher, and she spends 15 seconds squashed up against my shoulder, and chest, before the lift stops and the door opens.
I remember the smell of her, the warmth of her breasts against me, and their softness.
And thus from that day forward, my big breast fetish was born.

Today I enjoy most forms of sex and kink…
Or kink and sex, depending on how I feel at the time. I seem to be on a journey, one experience leads me to wonder about athe next - or possibly a variation of that already experienced.

One thing I have discovered, is that I enjoy exploring other peoples kinks and ideas - as they are different to my own, and frequently something I haven’t considered.

I am happy to talk to people about that, and my many other fetishes, but they are many and some are complex …. So I don’t want to bore you all.
(Plus I could probably write a five hundred page book on them and my experiences to date …. And no one has that amount of time online…….!)

It’s funny how it starts and what it does to us 🧚🏻‍♀️

[Dustykat]

1 hour ago, TheBookCollector said:

They dont interfere with day to day life, i control my kinks and fetishes they dont control me.

Your lucky cause I don’t have that luxurious my kinks are often in the way 🧚🏻‍♀️

[Mo****]

Dustykat, I am very much like you in that my kinks are always there just under the surface, bubbling away waiting for the opportunity to come out, but alas, with no permanent partner in my life, they never get to come out and be enjoyed.

[Dustykat]

MosseyBoy we understand each  other and I always enjoy hearing your comments 🧚‍♀️

[RAMB]

My kinks still need to be explored have only been able to find out how to find people to explore them with and still learning to explore the fet network to search for people

[Dustykat]

4 minutes ago, RAMB said:

My kinks still need to be explored have only been able to find out how to find people to explore them with and still learning to explore the fet network to search for people

I understand that we all go through that stage and you will find what works for you 🧚🏻‍♀️

[makemedoit]

For me, I'm only just coming to realise they are an important part of what makes my personality. Its always been there, in the background shaping my relationships. Coming to terms with them and (almost) proud of who I am. Still not brave enough to not hide them away though.

[Dustykat]

13 minutes ago, makemedoit said:

For me, I'm only just coming to realise they are an important part of what makes my personality. Its always been there, in the background shaping my relationships. Coming to terms with them and (almost) proud of who I am. Still not brave enough to not hide them away though.

Why hide them it's part of you, be proud of who you are I know I am and are positive way of life.🧚🏻‍♀️

[ge****]

I think, once I came to terms with them, which probably wasn't until my 30s when I was able to understand them for what they are, and with the help of the Internet, see I wasn't alone in having them, that I have mostly embraced my kinks and sexuality generally for what it is - so in that respect it doesn't affect me greatly.

Does it mean I am constantly looking to satisfy those kinks, or get angsty when I can't? Actually it doesn't, and possibly the opposite, as for me, to satisfy my inner desires it has to be with someone I am comfortable with sharing them with, and when it comes to my submissive side, someone who I *feel* submissive to, so I can't just give myself to anyone, and the number of people where I have truly felt that way with has been minimal, and I refuse to compromise that just to satisfy those desires.

Sure I get those cravings where I need a firm hand etc, but like most cravings they pass with time, so I'm able to suppress them until such time as I find the right person to explore them with.

[Dustykat]

2 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

I think, once I came to terms with them, which probably wasn't until my 30s when I was able to understand them for what they are, and with the help of the Internet, see I wasn't alone in having them, that I have mostly embraced my kinks and sexuality generally for what it is - so in that respect it doesn't affect me greatly.

Does it mean I am constantly looking to satisfy those kinks, or get angsty when I can't? Actually it doesn't, and possibly the opposite, as for me, to satisfy my inner desires it has to be with someone I am comfortable with sharing them with, and when it comes to my submissive side, someone who I *feel* submissive to, so I can't just give myself to anyone, and the number of people where I have truly felt that way with has been minimal, and I refuse to compromise that just to satisfy those desires.

Sure I get those cravings where I need a firm hand etc, but like most cravings they pass with time, so I'm able to suppress them until such time as I find the right person to explore them with.

I can empathize with you since I’m submissive too but with a lot more baggage not compromising is understandable but you found a way to be positive and I find we all should be able to embrace our deferences with out shame 🧚🏻‍♀️

[makemedoit]

49 minutes ago, Dustykat said:

Why hide them it's part of you, be proud of who you are I know I am and are positive way of life.🧚🏻‍♀️

I tm think as its only a percentage of me. We don't live out daily lives defined by our sexual prefs, I don't want it to be what people know me for if that makes sense? I think in work it would tarnish my reputation just because its taboo. And family wouldn't approve. So I'm stuck in the shadows 😳

[Dustykat]

27 minutes ago, makemedoit said:

I tm think as its only a percentage of me. We don't live out daily lives defined by our sexual prefs, I don't want it to be what people know me for if that makes sense? I think in work it would tarnish my reputation just because its taboo. And family wouldn't approve. So I'm stuck in the shadows 😳

We all have parts of us that we protect from others, which quite understandable 🧚🏻‍♀️