Females v males

[Lombardo43]

Why do you think males still do most of the messaging and chasing to get conversations going.I would have thought the BDSM world may have been different but it doesn't seem to be. I speak personally obviously as no girl has ever messaged me first. Is it the same for others, do men do most of the messaging? Do you girls think it's equal or do you wait to be messaged?

[Deleted Member]

I have found that only one girl came to me, and that was only to ask advice about her dominant. Otherwise all conversations were started by myself. I would have thought that the subs at least would want to actively find someone

[BigPolly]

I disagree however people are here for many different reasons, it isn’t all about dating. There are many here like myself who are also happy to just chat & make friends or ask/give advice so the need to approach someone isn’t always there. As a sub, personally I would rarely approach/Chase a Dom/Domme as I personally feel that is not my place to approach but wait to be chosen however each sub is different. Some people are on here solely to find someone or for meets so they are possibly more proactive. Also in the bdsm world some people are looking for very specific details so it’s a bit like finding a needle in a haystack & many profiles may not meet requirements, that’s not a personal thing that’s just how this world is.

[Deleted Member]

ibe recently chased someone tbh.

[Fa****]

As a sub i find it really hard to send the first message, even after chatting and being told to start conversations i still struggle

Edited May 28, 2018 by Fairylight

[ey****]

I've got a mixed bag in my inbox of men and women who've initiated conversation.  (in many cases, men who didn't read my profile) 

For assorted reasons there's more occasions where someone made the first contact to me, than I did to them.  

I think women are more selective about who they message than men generally are.  

[Noneofyourb-4293]

That was wicked.. I really enjoyed that??? Well done x

[Deleted Member]

As a sub I don't message first but that's just me. I myself am quite shy like fairylight and even find it hard getting in to a conversation with a Dom until I feel comfortable.

[3S****]

I've used sites that were easy for me to do the chasing as most of the guys had pics and profiles. I think over time, as you try out new sites and find less guys willing to put their info out there (as tends to be the case on BDSM sites) then it gets to a point where searching becomes a chore.

 

Seeing as a lot of guys tend to approach women also it does seem the case that you don't really need to look either. I'd say i mostly get approached by non-suitable guys on BDSM sites anyway, so i know if i wait for guys to message i'll get nowhere. As it is i'm only looking for friends now anyway and not very proactive in doing that either.

Edited May 28, 2018 by 3SumQueen
spelling

[Deleted Member]

Some of it might be because of membership types, some can't initiate conversation.. a lot will be down to the quality of the profile, as already said, an empty profile isn't going  to appeal to many, and too much info can bewilder, so as with most things it's down to communication..often what's missing says a lot too.

Speaking as a Dominant, there's the risk of being seen as predatory when approaching prospective submissive partners too..particularly newbies..and some of us like to be seduced rather than chase..its all very messy really, no one size fits all answer.

I believe there's a gender split too..more guys than gals, mix in roles, relationship goals, geographical location, kink compatibility and everything else, it's a minor miracle that anyone ever mails anyone!

[ey****]

I find it interesting (and kinda ties in with what I was expecting) we have female subs saying they don't feel it's their place to approach Dominants and female Dominants saying they don't wish to be predatory and prefer to be seduced.

There's loads of weird things in kink could be done with being broken down.  I've seen F-Dominants being told they appear desperate if they contact subs and f-subs say they appear needy if they contact Dominants (not on here, but, wider kink)

It's funny, you know - I was half joking with someone recently who I met up with and played with - I had been interested in Her for a while but a little nervous to say anything, She had been interested in me also but hadn't wanted to be seen to be desperate.  End result. It took too long for either of us to do anything.

 

[chezka]

Some of us want to be seduced and teased