Deleted Member Posted January 7, 2022 Posted January 7, 2022 Hey I'm gently tiptoeing back in to the world of Dating/non-kink related Dating Apps. Modern dating is all pretty new to me & i'm kinda naive. How does everyone broach dating & BDSM? The type of guys I am attracted to personality wise, frequently turn out to be Subs... which is not my kink. I realise it isn't the same for everyone, but BDSM for me is inherently sexual. I'm Demi-sexual & monogamous so playing with a guy I don't have feelings for, doesn't float my boat (believe me, i've tried ). How & when is ideal to broach the subject, without coming across as weird or sex crazed? I feel guilty for it being such an important thing! I was in a relationship with a Sub (that wasn't willing to Switch once in a while) for yeeeears, and vowed never again. When I get feelings for a guy I turn in to a little bit of a Nympho, so dating a straight-laced Sub, as an (admittedly slightly bratty) Sub myself, was my personal version of hell. I certainly couldn't go through the same again. I realise this is highly ironic (perhaps Moronic), but I tend to prefer regular dating, as opposed to kink focused dating, hence the issue. I love to drown in the way someones brain works and breathe them in, rather than talk sex all the time, the latter of which tends to happen with guys I meet on FL etc. Any tips? Thank youuuuuu A perplexed paradoxical sub! (Couldn't think of a 3rd P!) x
Matttster Posted January 8, 2022 Posted January 8, 2022 I wish I had tips for you. I have a number of submissive friends in a similar situation. I have had some that decide to ignore their submissiveness, and for some this works. But for some subs, being submissive is part of what/who they are and being in a vanilla relationship will never quite fulfill them. I think you need to determine how important being submissive is to you and where you need it. Then do not settle. I would say that it is important to be open, clear and honest about what you are looking for. If meeting someone through a vanilla method, maybe wait for a second date. But talk about it early. Don’t wait until you fall for the person before discussing your interests. No sense falling for someone to learn they cannot fulfill your “needs”. I would suggest trying both vanilla and kink related methods. As noted above, if meeting via vanilla method, discuss your kinks early. When using kink apps, be clear what you are looking for. My guess on your brief discussion is that you want a relationship with some kink in the bedroom. So not really looking for a “Dom”, rather someone who can take charge in the bedroom at times. Start attending munches, or if you are in an area where there are other activities with courses that intrigue you, attend those courses. So if you have an interest in being a top bunny, attend done rope work courses. The more places you look, the better the chance of finding who you are looking for. It will involve more weeding. Good luck!!
ey**** Posted January 8, 2022 Posted January 8, 2022 I've seen some people say they have had more luck on regular dating apps - but that has often been ladies looking for male subs, rather than the other way around I think partially a lot ties here on what you would like out of this partner - there are assorted key phrases people use on dating profiles out in Nilla land - so things like "I like a man who knows how to take control" could be such a flag that those who know, know.
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