So you want to meet a Domme

[Deleted Member]

Some mirrors are two sided

[ey****]

6 hours ago, FetBrian said:

Some mirrors are two sided

they are

and some are not.

and that, well, it's never the Dommes complaining they can't get interest from men, is it?

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

they are

and some are not.

and that, well, it's never the Dommes complaining they can't get interest from men, is it?

Never, really? I don't have to look far to find a few.

[ge****]

7 minutes ago, FetBrian said:

Never, really? I don't have to look far to find a few.

There's a world of difference though between a Domme stating she can't find the right kind of man that doesn't see her as a kink dispenser and a man stating he can't find a Domme full stop

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, gemini_man said:

There's a world of difference though between a Domme stating she can't find the right kind of man that doesn't see her as a kink dispenser and a man stating he can't find a Domme full stop

I get the scarcity and differences but there seems to be a surplus of primal desire.

[Th****]

50 minutes ago, FetBrian said:

I get the scarcity and differences but there seems to be a surplus of primal desire.

I'm not sure that you actually do understand the difference. 

 

[ey****]

There's Dommes I speak to, or play with, or simply read what they say online

Both "lifestyle" and "professional"

for a lot of the pro dommes, they join dating apps/sites seeking a partner and are always nervy about raising what their job is - while some people would shun them for it, there are those whose instant response is to assume that dating a Pro Domme means, "do/try a load of kinks for free" cos what every person wants is to go out and do their day job then come home and do it all again with a partner unpaid.

But that... doing kinks isn't out of the question, but that they have to tell the other person (transparency/ etc) and so many then stop wanting to do the whole "getting to know you" thing and either shun, cos it's a job they disprove of, or turn conversation to kink 

for others, I mean the grumbles are pretty much the same.  That for example stating they are "lifestyle" makes numbskulls think "they'll do everything a Pro does and not charge me" as if relationships were just like that

like, you wouldn't have a vanilla relationship where a wife gives you sex on demand - or has your tea on the table coming in from work - etc - if you've got nothing else in common or you're not putting into the household bills.

But, some years ago.  I read something which stuck with me which was simply; "more women would be into Femdom if it actually benefited them" and it's true, and I agree.  I don't think the problem is the scarcity, the problem is that too many men make the idea of Female 'Domination' all around the fetishes/kinks they have and want to do with little regard of how this benefits the other person

Perhaps sprinkles of "I want someone with mutual fetishes" or "we have overlapping kinks" as if that's the only thing that matters in making a relationship work.

 

[Th****]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

"more women would be into Femdom if it actually benefited them"

The number of women I've heard say that they've *STOPPED* because of all the nonsense is high. 

[ey****]

4 hours ago, ThaliaV said:

The number of women I've heard say that they've *STOPPED* because of all the nonsense is high. 

absolutely

something I missed from the above actually - there's a handful of ladies locally to me who are switches, are polyamorous, and have a partner who is perceived as Dominant, but the ladies list as submissive online

one told me, that they still get messages from wannabe Dominants, but fewer because they're in a relationship (despite being open to another one) - and that the wannabe Doms are easier to deal with than the pushy subs.  

I do find it quite sad how many people feel they have to suppress part of them online to reduce idiots.  Of course, they do play with subs (including their partners, who are also actually switches) but usually people that got to know them socially ahead of do-me strangers online

[Ve****]

3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

absolutely

something I missed from the above actually - there's a handful of ladies locally to me who are switches, are polyamorous, and have a partner who is perceived as Dominant, but the ladies list as submissive online

one told me, that they still get messages from wannabe Dominants, but fewer because they're in a relationship (despite being open to another one) - and that the wannabe Doms are easier to deal with than the pushy subs.  

I do find it quite sad how many people feel they have to suppress part of them online to reduce idiots.  Of course, they do play with subs (including their partners, who are also actually switches) but usually people that got to know them socially ahead of do-me strangers online

The pushy, demanding subs are the worst. You can simply set boundaries with wannabe Doms, they usually weed themselves out. But those sub! With their constant pleading. Ain’t nobody got time for that. It’s definitely a FemDom turn off.

[Deleted Member]

17 hours ago, ThaliaV said:

I'm not sure that you actually do understand the difference. 

 

Teachers don't get paid enough, so don't blame the students.

[Th****]

1 hour ago, FetBrian said:

Teachers don't get paid enough, so don't blame the students.

Dude, you are a grown man, there's this thing called personal responsibility. Willful ignorance isn't a good look. 

 

[ey****]

7 hours ago, FetBrian said:

Teachers don't get paid enough, so don't blame the students.

luckily you are (allegedly) a full grown ass adult with access to a wealth of information via the internet.  That, if you're actually interested in kink - a great opportunity to be proactive rather than a series of throwaway one-liners 

[MistressWhipplash]

On my main profile on Fetlife.com I have a writing on this subject of guys approach to Dominant women/Mistresses/Tops etc. In short use the manners your mother gave you, don't assume "Mistress" means the other woman.or a fetish service as it doesn't. Nor am I an experience to book. As an experienced Lifestyler (kink within a relationship where I am the Captain) I like to date first. Go out for meals, movies and days out for a few months before I contemplate kink. Why? Because I am the one giving and I am fussy who I do that with.

[Deleted Member]

On 2/17/2022 at 4:37 AM, ***lessKitten said:

I've seen these kind of posts so many times, and they can be okay for newcomers that are willing to learn, but the wider audience this post is targeting (the clowns that repeatedly embarass themselves) are unfortunately the kind of people to not take the time to read a lengthy post like this.
And to be honest, while there's plenty good to this post, I also see plenty that I wouldn't say is accurate or even correct.
I don't like to put value on a group of people, I prefer to look at each person as an individual, but if one were to assign value to a group of people it should probably be valued based on supply and demand. There's many more sub women than there are dom women, making the Domme more rare, and also just as many sub men looking for a domme as what there are Dom men looking for a sub woman, so how one could say a female sub is above a female Dom in a pecking order is beyond me 🤷🏻‍♂️
The do not DM part isn't accurate either. There's nothing wrong with sliding into ones messages if done in a respectable way. Like...
don't immediately beg,
don't message someone who's in a relationship if their profile says on here for "networking" or "friends".
As a man, don't message a woman who's stating only interested in women.
Don't use generic copy paste text, try to make the message custom to the profile you're messaging, show that you've actually read and understood the profile, and would be interested in getting to know more about that person.

There's more in the post that I don't 100% agree with, but this reply is already long enough! Besides people here would probably rather see sheep just following the masses than someone speaking out about something that's wrong or misguided 🤷🏻‍♂️

Yeah, I don’t think the people who need the post would read it

[Ae****]

This is the only mildly interesting thing about such posts. It's more about the exchange of mutually agreed views between the poster and those who respond than it is about the pretext of the subject. A regular desire to be reaffirmed in their own views, because of course, the perpetrators-of-week would never really be welcome in discussions where it's so unwelcoming. True efforts to change minds would aproach such people with kindness, as that's the best way to sway minds. Anything else is always more about the speaker's own need to be heard than the stated desire to actually teach or convince others.

[ey****]

On 3/28/2024 at 5:46 AM, YourBitch-8522 said:

Yeah, I don’t think the people who need the post would read it

So, I disagree.

Obviously, there are those who are unwilling to take on board advice, read things, etc. And they will either skip over things like this, or argue that people should yield to their unsuccessful way then to follow advice from those who either are the type of person they want to meet; or, are meeting the type of people they want to meet.

But then there's everyone else

Everyone who is getting what they seek. Or getting somewhere. Or so on - this wasn't luck alone.  And they learnt something from somewhere and there's every chance it was posts like this.

So I think the people who do need it *are* reading and it's helping their own learning.  They shouldn't be mistaken for those who are stuck in their rut. 

[mad-potato72]

I have a question? Why do some of these dommes have to make things so poetic and complicated? I guess if you're not on their wavelength you're not going get their attention.

[mad-potato72]

It's like you dial but don't even hear ring tone, goes straight to voicemail.

[mad-potato72]

Not naming anyone just saying

[ge****]

9 hours ago, mrrob72 said:

I have a question? Why do some of these dommes have to make things so poetic and complicated? I guess if you're not on their wavelength you're not going get their attention.

Or perhaps it's not them that make it complicated rather you perceive it to be so because they don't respond? When actually the problem may lie a lot closer to home with your own profile, or style of approach etc.
.
Most Dommes I have interacted with here and on other sites are anything but complicated - it's just finding the one that is a good match, and equally sees you as a good match which is the key.
.
And to solve that key you can only give the best presentation of yourself, accept you won't be for everyone, and wait for the right "mutual" match to come along - same as with any relationship whether it be kink or vanilla.

[mad-potato72]

I updated my profile I always try to be honest. I've been told people gravitate to me which shocked me. You really have to meet someone in person to really pass judgement. But I get what you're saying

[ge****]

11 minutes ago, mrrob72 said:

I updated my profile I always try to be honest. I've been told people gravitate to me which shocked me. You really have to meet someone in person to really pass judgement. But I get what you're saying

Thing is on sites like this you have to come across as being someone they want to meet in person to get to meet them in person. So you have to show the best version of you here regardless - or take that step and attend munches or kink events for the in person thing.
.
Nice you updated your profile - if I may provide some constructive criticism, it still reads very much about what you want and almost like a tick list of things you want done to you. The status update won't help you any either.
.
The key to a profile is finding a balance between listing what you hope to find here and showing a little of your character and that you've really thought about things.

[mad-potato72]

Constructive criticism always welcome. Thanks

[ey****]

11 hours ago, mrrob72 said:

I have a question? Why do some of these dommes have to make things so poetic and complicated? I guess if you're not on their wavelength you're not going get their attention.

I don't think Dommes make think complicated

but there is a lot in kink which is complicated, hard work, requires patience, and so on.  So if you think the Dommes are complicated... mate... tip of the iceberg