Bdsm isn’t just about sex!

[Deleted Member]

How does everyone view the sexual aspect towards their bdsm relationship? I personally don’t like making that the only emphasis in the relationship.
I feel like people see this as just sex so much they lose the fact of what true bdsm dynamics are about .

[Do****]

Definitely. I guess initially the sexual aspect is possibly the lure? But certainly for me now I'm no newbie, that space mentally between Dom and sub is where the power and satisfaction lies. Deeply intimate at best... when mental and physical align.... then we're cooking.

[br****]

Very well put I wrote a small paragraph about this in my profile. Intercourse is simply one of the physical dynamics in a rich world of juxtaposed sensations that are designed to heighten the experience of a range of feelings love, desire, need, control and freedom

[br****]

Pleasure cannot truly exist without ***, or so it seems when administer the two in equal and opposite measures

[br****]

Then there are the deeper psychological aspects of delay, anticipation and *** ( only when consented)

That further broaden the range of senses. Why do nonBDSM couples limit themselves so much

[Ch****]

There are some people that are bedroom only so for them it is purely sexual.(by bedroom only i dont mean sexual activity is only in the actual bedroom, i mean their dynamic is sex focused, be it on the bed, kitchen table or down the park lol)
Personally the sexual side is a smaller part for me as i need things out the bedroom, eventually a 24/7 lifestyle.
Its finding people that see the difference thats hard, when speaking to someone who is 'bedroom only' some dont understand what the point is if its not for sexual needs.
So i dont date those people, stick to lifestyle folk x x

Edited March 6, 2022 by Cheekysub247

[ey****]

Dynamics should be based on what are important to you.   There's no "true" way.

Some people place a large emphasis on sex and that is OK - others, have dynamics where there is no sex at all - or, the denial of sex.

And some have a balance.

I think this is important to understand sometimes - and of course it sucks when someone comes to you with a large emphasis on sex when to you this isn't what it's about - but, it just means you're not compatible 

[br****]

You don’t have to be in the bedroom or even be touching each other to achieve an orgasm

[br****]

So whoever is stuck in the bedroom pick up some remote toys and get out of the house

[sc****]

For me, the sexual aspect is the icing on the cake!
The daily non sexual side to BDSM is a major part of the solid foundations that make our relationship so good. It's an expression of our core personalitys. I could temporarily go without the sexual side of things.... I couldn't go without the non sexual side of things at all!

Edited March 6, 2022 by scarllett

[br****]

Maybe you need to find out what it means to you, as others have mentioned it’s many things for many people.

Keep talking to people within the community and eventually your path will emerge

[br****]

Perhaps this is one such experience… you have my attention

[sc****]

A good bdsm relationship should fulfill parts of us that haven’t been, making us more complete and confident.
There should be safety and comfort and unconditional love there.
A great friendship that is open an comfortable, where there’s no *** of being put down or looked down on or treated anything but a whole person should exist from start to finish.
It should be giving and unselfish, a partner should be willing to step out of the way when their partner has outgrown them, so that they can move on to something that will allow them to grow.

In so many ways my relationships in the bdsm world have gotten so much more intense than marriage.
Because I know that the relationship is only going to last for a few short years, I put every bit of me into it.
In marriage, it’s a more relaxed burn, with the opportunity to stand still when necessary.

[ki****]

Sex is only the very final component and often is not part of the bdsm experience, I often feel like it’s separate but a component none the less.

[Deleted Member]

Totally agree! I’ve have some bdsm experiences with no sex! Still a Virgin as well!

[Fi****]

The distention between “sex” and BDSM is kind of false. It gives the impression it is one or the other, and BDSM can not be seen as sex, as far as satisfaction is concerned. How much intercase participants want in their interaction is up to them, and a matter of finding compatibility. It can add to the experience, or distract from it, depending on what people find interesting.

[Deleted Member]

As is the case in every kind of relationship, sex is a part of the attraction. And ultimately only a result of a much deeper connection.
With the BDSM relationship we’ve pushed many aspects quite far in most cases, but Trust and respect must be what is established and fortified to an incredibly deep level. Once Trust is established we’re more comfortable in letting go of our inhibitions.

[Deleted Member]

Sex is a component of the lifestyle but it’s the subtle aspects of it that are appealing to me. The tiny acts of control and submission. Helping and Seeing someone grow in confidence

[Deleted Member]

People can practice a dynamic to any degree they wish without judgement or moral superiority for individuals. Just like sports. People are allowed to play them in a serious fashion or just for fun and sexual dynamics or no different. There’s no “true” aspect to it. Let people do what they want to any degree they wish. It’s your duty to find someone who wants the same degree of a dynamic as yourself.

[Deleted Member]

The dynamics is something I need to learn more about cause yeah it's not just about the sex. Mental and physical elements are definitely important. I wouldn't "get with" anyone unless I am well aware of those things. Being completely messed up mentally is not something I'd want to go through. Been there and done that. Not keen on it ever again. 

[suball]

I am very new to bdsm and trying very hard how to behave appropriately. This question of dynamics seems to be quite important. Can anyone please expand on what had been said above.

[ki****]

People often mistake that being a dom is all about self gratification

That’s completely the reverse. The sub is always the focus of attention and the dom ministers to their needs. The sub straits that the dom will know already what they want and require from the interaction. So In truth the play is led by the dom but at the unspoken instruction of the sub. The subs pleasure comes from the service provided by the dom who does all the work.

[suball]

So if the dom does all the work for the subs pleasure how does the sub reward his/her dom

[Li****]

The reward is having someone submit to you, I'm thinking? For me it's giving someone control which involves trust, you are giving over your power ☺️ that's exciting and I'm talking from a sub side. Must be gratifying having someone else's power.

[ey****]

21 hours ago, kinkywetlovingsinger said:

That’s completely the reverse. The sub is always the focus of attention and the dom ministers to their needs. The sub straits that the dom will know already what they want and require from the interaction. So In truth the play is led by the dom but at the unspoken instruction of the sub. The subs pleasure comes from the service provided by the dom who does all the work.

it's not always that way.

The Dominant tends to lead the play - but that doesn't always/entirely have to be for the subs pleasure.

Obviously folk playing together - both should leave a scene happy, or be happy in an ongoing relationship - but there's a lot of facets to Domination and kink in general.   Everything is not all one way.