sp**** Posted March 10, 2022 Posted March 10, 2022 I've always believed that the relationship between a Dom and sub was a transaction, you are both bringing something to the relationship. With any relationship, there is give and take. I've always been a Romantic Dominance type, I give both Love and respect to my partner, and she gives herself to me for my comfort and pleasure. It's been said that the Masochist wants to experience greater sensation from a Sadist, but feel it as love; and the Sadist wants to give greater sensations, but make it feel like love...if that makes any sense. And I do have to love my partner before I can relate to her in such an intimate way.. and let's face it, BDSM is an intimate relationship, just in play or as an romantic relationship.
Deleted Member Posted March 14, 2022 Author Posted March 14, 2022 I actually signed up for Fet today after Googling to see if asexuality and BDSM overlap. I'm not sure I identify as ace, but I do identify as kinky. And actively so (when I had the right partner) back when I had a sex drive. It's encouraging to see so many people who don't automatically equate kink with sex.
fl**** Posted March 17, 2022 Posted March 17, 2022 100% agree with this. I used to do acupuncture but it only did so much for me. I now do needling and have been doing pulls and holy cow do I hit head space with it. There is no sexual piece to it at all, it’s the***utic to me and my top gets a great feeling from doing a job well done. She actually ask’s me if we can scene on a regular basis.
Mx**** Posted March 21, 2022 Posted March 21, 2022 Sex can be a negotiated and consensual part of BDSM, but it isn't inherent. I have been a Player in LeatherRealm in San Diego Pride, and none of those interactions were sexual at all. I educated, negotiated and flogged/spanked around 20-30 people over two days. Had any of it been sexual for me, I would not have been a safe person for folks to try stuff out on. Be honest and clear about what your wants and needs are in a scene or dynamic.
4n**** Posted March 26, 2022 Posted March 26, 2022 Well I don’t, I enjoy horrifying the regular people too much
Deleted Member Posted March 31, 2022 Author Posted March 31, 2022 YEESSSSS!!!! And people don’t want to build thrust relationships anymore. It’s just “u need to do this cuz I’m that”
Du**** Posted March 31, 2022 Posted March 31, 2022 Thats why i dont belong to bdsm community. All Doms especially the very experienced ones are emotionally flat, cold. Not sure if its because they shut themselves down due to high promiscuity, or seek bdsm to deal with their emotional flatness. So they can feel some emotion. ...and many men here carry a childhood trauma co they shut themselves emotionally. Its a turn off for me as i am artist, i work with emotions i need to give and receive them, thats what feeds me. Otherwise i can get a dildo and do it myself its the same thing. If men want to maintain woman, especially sub, a loyal sub, they have to make emotional connection. Dont come to me if you dull fuck lol.
ra**** Posted April 6, 2022 Posted April 6, 2022 So for myself BDSM is a means to integrate the sexually pleasurable into my consciousness without feeling shame or guilt. A way to not only explore myself or to test my own limits, but also aid in a partners as well as creating that unique bond an trust that only comes from such lifestyle an to transmute specific emotions into something productive for the relationship. For example if I'm angry at my partner for some reason, instead of having an argument that leads to regretful actions an statements to express my own hurt in a a defensive way, I could use that anger to dominate my partner in a way I know she likes. That's beneficial because after the dopamine has been released in the human brain, it's proven that we think more clearly; were grounded an therefore can make better decisions based on how we really feel. It's an act of pleasure, a means of expressing passion, desire, creativity, bonding, an connection. Sex is an ambiguous interaction an different people can have multiple experiences with it an place different values, meanings, an interpretations on it. It's a fantastically complicated mess an it that mess we break away from the social conditioning from cultural values, outside judgements an proscriptions from religious an governmental groups an start to align with our own thoughts an beliefs in order to feel more at peace within ourselves an share that experience with our partner. I think there's starting to become a division in this community as it becomes more normalized as a means to better oneself compared to a way for those who have not dealt with trauma/mental health issues to act out in a sexual way in order to cope. BDSM is a complex set of behaviors that can be expressions of people's health an impulses to grow or be expressions of people's brokenness an internal conflict or suffering. In order to know which someone is, you have to know what BDSM means to that person, how it effects their life. Erotic desire, expectations, an excitement need space in which to grow. Differentiation, a sense of separateness an mystery, creates a dynamic in which desire can build upon an then ultimately bringing partners together in a way that is electrifying, exciting, an orgasmic for an intensely connected sexual experience. The neurotransmitters in our brains release different things in different situations an in order to feel that physical rush, we push our minds an spirits into experiences of vulnerability, shame, or exposure in order to grow. It pushes or challenges ourselves by performing uncomfortable situations with the goal of growth an transcendence rooted in consciously healing/exploring ourselves. It's a sexual freedom that broadens our own perspectives while enriching oneself/partnership. Not to mention that in order to have an effective BDSM partnership, communication an emotional intelligence is critical. So it teaches us how to hone those skills. Apps such as these are a good place to meet up with the people who share that lifestyle. I'm personally not very fond of on the surface/superficial desire for just sex. BDSM is to me, something special to have with someone who has a profound impact on my life in a meaningful way. So to say BDSM is just about sex, in my opinion is ignorance. An I've only just began my BDSM journey an naturally dominant, I don't see why others who've had years of experience still can't seem to grasp that. So much more can be said, but I have already written so much an have no idea if it's a waste of time to be sharing my thoughts. Thanks for reading ☠️
Pr**** Posted April 7, 2022 Posted April 7, 2022 Bdsm is erotic for sure, but it doesn't have to be anything to do with it sex at all
to**** Posted April 9, 2022 Posted April 9, 2022 I think BDSM is different for different people. Experienced Doms are not always cold and calculating or unfeeling - and kink play is not inherently sexual although it *can* be depending on your negotiations around your particular type of play. I have experienced both sexual and non sexual kink play and my share of experienced Doms with a heart of gold who actually know how to feel and communicate. If you can’t feel, you aren’t intuitive nor in sync with your sub so just because you’ve been a Dom for a long time doesn’t necessarily mean you’re good at Domming…..
Deleted Member Posted April 20, 2022 Author Posted April 20, 2022 It’s a mental play imo. A connection between 2 or more, where you both express yourself in the most “honest” and “purest” way. For this to be, you have to trust each other in way.. and have that mental connection, to find the purest desires and feelings from each other, and express them openly honestly. I also see it as “absolute freedom”.
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