Advice about Dom/sub not in a relationship

[Deleted Member]

Hi,

I am quite new to exploring and learning about BDSM/KINK. Naturally questions abound. 

I am wondering how a Dom/Sub relationship works if you are not in a relationship with each other? Does that exist or are most in a relationship? 

To be honest if I met a sub in real life I would not actually know what to do or say? I'm feeling really out of my depth. 

I'm not very good at dealing with very complex things. It takes me a while to unravel complexity for it to make sense. 

I'd appreciate some knowledge around this topic, so I can learn and ask questions. 

Thank you. 

[Ba****]

A nice question, interested to hear the replies

[ey****]

If you are in a Dom/sub relationship with someone then, err, by definition you *are* in a relationship with them.

I'm guessing if you're saying they're not a romantic partner?  

There's again not all that much different - I mean, maybe you're not having sex with them or living together or even seeing each other daily - but, you might not do those with a romantic partner you've just met either

[Lickingsub]

Well the real joy of BDSM is that it is so multi-faceted that there is something for everybody. If you’re asking are there forms that don’t need the sub and Dom to be in an actual relationship, of course there are. Think about paying for a first session with a pro-domme or all these online training sessions being offered on popular social media channels (so that’s an example of an actual sexual session and a virtual one), in both examples the participants won’t be in a relationship and have very little invested even on an emotional level.

[ge****]

There doesn't *have* to be a "relationship" not in the traditional sense anyway, and it comes down to individual choice as to whether one exists or not - just as some people have transactional sex like one night stands, and hook ups through swinging/dating sites - some may practice their kink transactionally too (although obviously with an added element of trust/safety being required).
.
That said for many a relationship will fundamentally be necessary at some level before even considering taking that step - but even then it doesn't necessarily have to be a traditional relationship as such, but one that is built on trust and respect etc and has a level of commitment.
.
It really is an individual thing and a case of finding those of a like mind.
.
As for the second part of your OP - before you do anything, you need to understand yourself and your interests in BDSM/kink - what is it that interests you? What role do you think you fit and why? What "type" of that role do you think you are? What would you look for in a prospective partner? And more besides.
.
Once you've answered those questions and have a better understanding of yourself, you can then start to learn about the aspects that interest you, by seeking out reading both on-line and in books, by attending munches and kink events, by interacting here and more.
.
Only once you have a fair grasp of all of the above can you really start to look for prospective partners - after all, if you don't understand yourself and your interests, how can you possibly express them to another with a view to practicing them?
.
Sure you might happen across someone and explore mutually and develop that way, but on sites like this the chances of that happening are slim to be honest.
.
It really isn't a case of waking up and deciding "I'm going to be a dominant or submissive" and suddenly you *are* one - it takes a lot of inner soul searching and thought and more.

[Deleted Member]

Ok, so much depends on the couple and their individual wants/needs. Many are happy to explore a dynamic without a romantic connection and some want the opposite. A romantic relationship can still happily include D/s kink based elements if that's what both partners want. There really is no right or wrong way.........only what those ***ps agree on and what suits them best. It can be literally anything you want it to be, with or without any pre set protocols on how one should behave and it all starts with clear, honest communication. It's not complicated really.......what works for one may not work for another but a lot does depend in my experience on the individual connection one makes.

Edited March 8, 2022 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Lickingsub said:

Well the real joy of BDSM is that it is so multi-faceted that there is something for everybody. If you’re asking are there forms that don’t need the sub and Dom to be in an actual relationship, of course there are. Think about paying for a first session with a pro-domme or all these online training sessions being offered on popular social media channels (so that’s an example of an actual sexual session and a virtual one), in both examples the participants won’t be in a relationship and have very little invested even on an emotional level.

Hi. 

Thanks for that. I asked because I was wanting to know the differences and others own experiences 🙂

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, gemini_man said:

There doesn't *have* to be a "relationship" not in the traditional sense anyway, and it comes down to individual choice as to whether one exists or not - just as some people have transactional sex like one night stands, and hook ups through swinging/dating sites - some may practice their kink transactionally too (although obviously with an added element of trust/safety being required).
.
That said for many a relationship will fundamentally be necessary at some level before even considering taking that step - but even then it doesn't necessarily have to be a traditional relationship as such, but one that is built on trust and respect etc and has a level of commitment.
.
It really is an individual thing and a case of finding those of a like mind.
.
As for the second part of your OP - before you do anything, you need to understand yourself and your interests in BDSM/kink - what is it that interests you? What role do you think you fit and why? What "type" of that role do you think you are? What would you look for in a prospective partner? And more besides.
.
Once you've answered those questions and have a better understanding of yourself, you can then start to learn about the aspects that interest you, by seeking out reading both on-line and in books, by attending munches and kink events, by interacting here and more.
.
Only once you have a fair grasp of all of the above can you really start to look for prospective partners - after all, if you don't understand yourself and your interests, how can you possibly express them to another with a view to practicing them?
.
Sure you might happen across someone and explore mutually and develop that way, but on sites like this the chances of that happening are slim to be honest.
.
It really isn't a case of waking up and deciding "I'm going to be a dominant or submissive" and suddenly you *are* one - it takes a lot of inner soul searching and thought and more.

Hello. 

Thanks for your detailed post. I am not ready for anything right now. I am on my own journey. I like the community because it is non judgemental and accepting. I am just learning and discovering. I'm thankful for your post. 🙂

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Donnykinkster said:

Ok, so much depends on the couple and their individual wants/needs. Many are happy to explore a dynamic without a romantic connection and some want the opposite. A romantic relationship can still happily include D/s kink based elements if that's what both partners want. There really is no right or wrong way.........only what those ***ps agree on and what suits them best. It can be literally anything you want it to be, with or without any pre set protocols on how one should behave and it all starts with clear, honest communication. It's not complicated really.......what works for one may not work for another but a lot does depend in my experience on the individual connection one makes.

Hello. 

 

Thank you! I liked your reply. That makes things clearer. I agree that it breaks down to each individual. Communication and honesty. This is good to know different experiences. 

Cheers 👍

[DLDaddy1285]

You need to learn to talk to your partner. Be open and straight forward .