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Dom and his feelings


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How do I know my dom has feelings for me beyond sex? It’s still early days but he says a lot of things a vanilla guy would say - like he is so attracted to all parts of me and wants to spend time with me and that we’re so compatible. We talk about all kinds of things too. We have a huge connection. Are there any tell tale signs?
I'd say you have the answer right there in the things he tells you and the sense of a huge connection - just because he's a Dom doesn't mean he expresses his feelings any differently
As cliche as it sounds you need to trust your gut. But I'd ask some kink related questions without hinting the answer and see what they say

Unfortunately, there will always be guys and lasses that see us as a bit of fun or something different, and will lie in order to look like they're what we want
If it's still early days then it's hard to say.
Good things to look for are if they remember certain details. Though that isn't fool proof because some people are more forgetful than others without ill intent.
Spending time to get to know you on a personal level is another good one, especially if they like to regularly talk to you about things outside of sexuality.
At the end of the day, every dynamic is different. And as you said, it's still early days, so you'll just have to wait and see.

I think you've already highlighted the key things.  Kinksters are like 'normal' people too (sometimes) :-)

I think the best way to tell would be to listen to words and actions.
Stick with me, because all this is a lump of things, not something to take piece by piece.

The first thing I probably give up is about connection.
At some point early on, I’ll get happy over the fact that the woman I’m seeing has a great personality that meshes with mine, we have a great time together no matter what we’re doing, even if the days grow long.
The sex has been top shelf, and runs the gamut from hot, breaking things sex to tangled together in emotion sex.
I’ll find I like texting her, and I don’t even mind talking to her on the phone at length.
I’ll screw up and make a big, dumb, overjoyed comment like “it’s so easy being with you”, or “we just think and do alike, it’s so crazy ” which normally turns into a quiz on why.
That’s when I spill all the sorts of things you mentioned he’s told you. The “why he likes you” things.

Directly after this is a swing point for me, because I’ll then take time to let the emotion simmer off, look at things objectively, and see if I’m falling for the person or the affection.
If I’m not sure, I’ll tap the brakes a bit, spread our interactions out some, and see if it’s infatuation or something significant.
I find that out two ways.
Does this high stay high and do my thoughts continue to be centered around the relationship, and does the woman remain confident and unmoved as I bring space into the equation?

In my experience, a lot of ladies let the insecurities start flying at this point.
If that happens, it tends to naturally begin erasing my excitement.
If the trend continues after I’ve shared what it is that I’m doing, then I know it’s time to get down the road.
If the woman is supportive and sees that I’m so into her that I’m putting myself through all this adult shit to be certain of my feelings and avoid a flash romance, that usually throws the hook in me.
I know I’m safe to go ahead and just fall madly in love with her.

Thanks for the topic.
I’ve never really looked at my line of thinking and actions as they relate to this little time period in a new relationship.
The things you mentioned guided how I shared. I had a lot more thoughts, but I wanted to stay in a straight line as I explained it so you at least knew how one guy thinks.

All that was to say this:
Jesus, woman. Don’t make the poor guy draw a chart. I’d be confident taking Vegas odds and betting my last ten bucks that he’s super into you.
If you want him outta there real quick, slip up and tell him he says vanilla guy things. 😉

No, there’s not. If he knows what he’s doing part of his role is to make you into the best submissive you can be. Often subs have self-confidence issues and praise and compliments from your Dom are an effective way of improving how you feel about yourself - if you believe you’re sexy, you will be sexy. It could just be that he’s doing the above or it could be that he is developing an emotional attachment. To me it sounds like he knows what he’s doing in the role, in which case he will be encouraging open and honest communication from you, so the best thing you can do to find out is to ask.
Difficult to say as i dont know either party, as even 'normal' people can have hidden agendas and tell you what you want to hear.

Sometimes all you can do is try and be objective and not get sucked in too deep.

Just be aware of red flags and keep an eye out for them occuring.
Short answer: Biologically, this is normal behavior for at least 18 months. It’s called lust which is often confused with real feelings of love.
Long answer: In the book “Getting the love you want”, researchers looked at brain signals of couples who had just met, and those who have been in love for years. They found that different parts of the brain trigger the same receptors that inhibit strong emotions. Except one of them is driven by the biological need to procreate, while the other is long term affiliation and deep gratitude. Additionally, they found that couples who are quick to lust for each other do so because they have a subconscious need that needs to be met. For instance, if their parent was distant, they choose a partner that may also be distant, because subconsciously their mind believes if they get someone similar, they can maybe break through and finally get that attention they finally wanted from the distant individual. The problem is, that doesn’t happen, because that other partner also chose them for their own subconscious needs to be met, and this is why couples who are quick to get into relationships, realize that at about the 1.5 to 2 year mark, their relationship has become really difficult.
Thanks heaps peeps. A few things to look out for there. I appreciate the honest thoughts!!
There are a lot of girls who say they are submissive but real submission is not possible without trust and connection. Doing things for your dom is one thing but building trust and connection is like giving away your soul willingly. once you reach that level with your dom he all have feelings for you as much as you have feelings for him
NRE is a real thing which can blur the logical side for either of you. That being said, everything he's saying, is what I'd expect from a good dom who cares about his sub. Just keep your mind open and watch out for red flags.
I think it’s best to have open candid conversations with your play partner. Feelings should always be discussed and not assumed. Talk to him about it. 🤍
It’s hard to say because everyone is different, but if he wants to spend time with you doing things unrelated to sex that’s a pretty good sign. If you share common interests and have good conversations that’s a positive sign too. You can also just ask him. Open communication is good.
Communication is key. If in question or in doubt you should absolutely bring it up. All cards should be out. It’s the only way the two of you can create that trust worthy chemistry.
Why look for signs and clues, openly ask and talk about it with your Dom.

Put in your big person pants and have a honest conversation about your feelings and what their feelings are. It’s a tough conversation normally, but you know why it will always make a good healthy relationship stronger in the end. If you can’t have that conversation then that’s a problem.

I had similar concerns with my current partner. It almost tore us apart. I asked him about it one day and he was so thrown back by it. He didn’t understand why I would ever feel that way because he knew how much he felt for me. Your dom might not know that he’s not showing you the affection you need. Talking to him is the most straightforward solution if you want to see how he feels about you and remedy the issue.
If your asking him for 20 mins of his time for a Serious conversation and he blows you off to play some video games because it’s his only day off. Then you better off taking a break and recheck the ground rules of the relationship or partnership. It depends on the dom and his Personally. He may be just Role-playing or saying what he really feels about you. Bottom line is you need to Communicate and keep it real.
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