Helping An Inexperienced Dom As A Sub

[te****]

Recently I’ve (f/brat/sub) started seeing a guy who is interested in exploring dynamics, specifically being a dom. I’m just very unsure on how to help him along this process since I’ve ever been with experienced doms. Any advice on how to help the both of us?

[No****]

I had the same issue before and I think I did a pretty good job considering he is not a proud rigger /Dom. I think I will be able to help if you would like 😊

[Deleted Member]

My recommendation would be for him to either learn from another experienced Dom in person or to put in hours of research online - there's a big difference between kink and bdsm :)

My main bit of advice would be to watch your brat behaviour as if he's learning and you fight back it could create doubts in him. It's actually very common.

[Deleted Member]

Show him if you can. If you can find a video of a scene that you'd like to do that would likely help him a lot.

[Matttster]

Research, especially anything physical he intends on doing. You both should research physical aspects to make sure you are doing it safely. Things like rope play, wax, impact, breath play, etc. Be sure he understands safe words and limits/boundaries.

Communicate. Tell him what turns you on, what you like. Discuss your limits sand boundaries. Then just explore. Every dynamic is different and is built on experiences. Have a talk about the type of things you like, have a session, then talk about what was good and bad.

Regarding safe words, they can be helpful to him. I tend to keep it simple, red, yellow, green. Red obviously is stop immediately. But yellow and green can be helpful for him. As in yellow is pushing it “I can’t take much more” and green is good “I love this”. Note that as the Dom, especially with you having some brat, green does not mean “give me more”. That can be too much like topping from the bottom. But it can be a way of communicating to him what is turning you on/satisfying you. Then he can use that to control you ;)

[typhoon2]

Get him to attend events. Watch others at play or participate in workshops, stealing good ideas and adapting them to your personal dynamics. Online reserarch is all very well but nothing beats seeing ideas in action. Talking (respectfully and once all play and aftercare are concluded) with participants is a great way to understand the whys as well as the whats and hows, but again be prepared to adapt techniques to suit what you both want.

[Mi****]

He needs to get a mentor, an experienced Dom that’s into the lifestyle. As a sub I personally don’t like to tell a Dom how to act. It takes away the authority for me. I like to be lead as a sub, mentally and physically 😏

[Deleted Member]

All sounds like a waste of time. Pseudo practitioners are the worst.

[Deleted Member]

You are in the position of topping from the bottom. Could cause issues for both of you or cause future confusion. Safe sexploration.

[ki****]

Events or workshops either in person or online would take the responsibility off your shoulders to teach him and probably offer him more professional or expert advice 🙂 I love @kimiinch , she’s a Dom and BDSM educator

[Gu****]

Well at least there was one useful response.

[Deleted Member]

Kick him in the Jim Jams. It’s time for you to be the dominate one and nothing says I love you like a flying karate kick to the groin.