New Daddy Dom

[AaronBlack]

Hello fellow Doms/Dommes and to their littles/slaves/property 

I'm hoping an experienced Dom or sub would be able to help me out with a few questions. 

I'll keep them as short as possible. 

I'm a switch, I don't like to be; but it is what it is. I have recently gotten into an in the works 24/7 DDLG relationship. My submissive is also a switch, however is quite bratty and even bitchy at tones. Myself as a Daddy am a bit to lenient on her when she speaks to me with disrespect, and even when it comes to banter she's a bit hard-core. Now I'm not here to cry. 

 

I'm asking how I can be more dominant without being domineering. E.g I tell her to do something and she refuses, I'll scold her and she carries on pushing boundaries either name calling or trying to get me to switch. I struggle because I care about her and I am a bit of a softy with discipline. Sometimes she acts out due to stress and things, at the same time I'm Daddy right? I make the rules I have the last say. 

 

Really struggling to find a balance because I'm not my mentor who had an unflinching resolve, I still feel like I'm taking baby steps of being a good Dom. 

 

Any help? Please and thank you.

 

Aaron Black

[Seeknwifencucks]

Sounds like she’s going thru something just tell her that you’re here when she wants to talk and sometimes sending them into subspace where their minds shut down and quiet down may help her to rethink and clarify things

[cd****]

You need to set clear boundaries and structure. Your little needs to know her actions have repercussions and they need not be physical. Also, don’t forget to reward good behaviour and praise.
I use a structure of spank/paddle/flogger/crop -> pleasure denial (my submissives aren’t allowed to touch themselves or orgasm without my permission, as I own their bodies) -> public exposure or humiliation -> ultimately dissolution of the contract if they’re persist through discipline. You could consider using an app like obedience to track punishment and rewards as well. Hope this helps.

[ey****]

Like in a lot of these situations.   The first step is to have a conversation with her.

Tell her what you're struggling with and ask for suggestions on how to respond.   

Because if you're unsure of the best thing to do; then you could end up doing something which crosses a line (she's getting too bratty and you strike her - without consent that's assault) 

And acting out due to stress; the solution might not be discipline but to calm and reassure.

[Pet_6]

If you guys have a pre arranged agreement on discipline I would advise you go that route. Behavior like that is tough but what is tougher is not doing much about it. You should also feel free to have a serious conversation, go over the dynamic and ask what she is trying to do?

[Pet_6]

My masters have always been effective in their punishing, and as a brat myself, one slowly learns….

[AaronBlack]

You are all legends

[AaronBlack]

I think I'm okay on the praise side. I work with a lot more positive reinforcement, however there have been times (she put the phone down in my ear) where I was most certainly to lenient or even nice.

[CopperKnob]

"I make the rules I have the last say." Uhm, nope 😂

Put the D/s aside. You're in a relationship regardless as to the context of the relationship.

Behind every behaviour is a feeling, behind every feeling is a need and when we meet the need rather than focus on the behaviour we begin to deal with the cause not the symptom.

Rather than react to the behaviour, figure out why it's present. That means having a conversation rather than reacting to the behaviour to be able to understand it. Once you understand it, you'll BOTH come to an agreement as to how to move forwards.

That's how both consent and any relationship works.

[Ad****]

Don’t forget the value of positive reinforcement. Reward good behaviour as much as punishing bad, especially with littles this is important I think. And not all discipline needs to be physical. If she pushes it too far, maybe walk away/disengage for a period, or make it clear it won’t be tolerated. I will walk away/just ignore it when the brattiness gets too much. I love the brattiness tbh, and my little never pushes it too far, but sometimes I’m not in the mood for it. But the brattiness is hugely important to her and so I’m tolerant - but I agree that can sometimes mean we’re a little too soft 😉

[Ad****]

Sorry I didn’t see all the earlier comments. Lots of great advice here!

[AaronBlack]

The support I've received from you guys has been awesome.

A lot of good info here. And most certainly retaining as much of this as possible.

[Ma****]

Remember that bratting also requires consent just like anything else. You have the right to tell them "i dont consent to being bratred at right now". And if they dont stop, you have a much bigger problem in that this person clearly doesnt respect consent and boundaries.

Id also reccomend implimenting a "meta talk" rule. So that either of you can call for a meta talk and essentially pause the dynamic and have an open discussion with no roles or rules in the way to prevent fully open communication. And you can ask them "why is it that no matter what i do, you just push and push?

The difference between a brat and an asshole is that a brat WANTS to "lose". An asshole is just going to sit there and keep saying "no, make me" no matter what you do.

[Bi****]

I would warn/talk to her to make her understand that she appears to be asking for savagery. I'd try to make sure that she understands that her actions appear to be a call for very harsh treatment, and I'd try to clarify whether she's simply "trying" you, or if she's expecting you to "lose it" on her. This may just be a hard push for you to step into your role in an intense but controlled way. You can't or shouldn't lose control or punish out of actual anger...but she may be asking, daring you to be more aggressive. But you NEED to confirm whether that's the case. If it isn't....if you warning her is met with more resistance or no information, excitement, or indication of stimulation, then it may not be a fruitful partnership. I find some brats problematic in that they're essentially trying to control the Dom into punishing them on demand, which runs counter to the dynamic in some ways. In those instances, I call it out...or, if it's too persistent or hard to manage, I disengage. This shouldn't be uncomfortable or challenging to the point that it's unpleasant. You guys should be complementary, not adverse.

[ri****]

Communication is super important maybe she wants some rough discipline. I get that’s hard, as a brat myself I generally respond way better to like… Deprivation style punishments over anything else. Like orgasm denial or heavy teasing.

[Su****]

Sounds like you may need to have a talk with her bud. While you're the Dom, you're still partners. Once you talk and find out what she's needing etc etc. It sounds like you also may be more of a SoftDom, find out her behavior and maybe take a more mental route? I've also found brats that show out more when they're stressed can benefit from holding a coin to the wall with their nose. Like a "time out" thing but they have to focus on the coin and have time to calm down, or readjust their heads pace.