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An Introduction to BDSM - Arch Style


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Posted
Well, it might have been helpful if you'd posted this 18mths ago! 😂

I think its useful to use the ***ting metaphor, when thinking about dynamics/scenes, the stype draws the outline, the dtype adds the colour
Posted
I love this. Thank you 🙏🏻
Posted

Well said and beautifully written.

Posted

Wow!!!!!! This is just wow!!!!! Thank you so much for writing this. I hope this gets pinned on here because newbies could really do with reading this and like @CopperKnob I could have done with reading this years ago when I first started out! 

Posted

I did read things like this 18 months ago and I still ended up with an ***r. 🤷‍♀️ Sometimes they’re extremely clever and hard to spot. No one should blame themselves if they don’t manage to. 
 

Thanks for this, Arch. I hope it gets pinned. 

Posted

Thank you for writing this! Very eloquently written and many members would benefit from reading it :fire:

Posted
I very much enjoyed reading your essay, and appreciate the time that you spent in its collation and presentation. From regularly reading how some other members comment and present themselves, they show that they haven't the depth of understanding that is needed, and that you portray.
Like others have said, this article/thread should be read by everyone who comes to visit the site, to give themselves the checks and balances across the subject, and very much serves as a basis and starting point to develop themselves through reading and exploring, with all the notes on warnings being near the surface of their thinking.
Thank you again for the time and effort you've taken to clearly show the character that you are, and of how you, as a dominant, behave and conduct yourself. So many others should learn a great deal from your words.
Posted
34 minutes ago, CumbriaLeather said:

I very much enjoyed reading your essay, and appreciate the time that you spent in its collation and presentation. From regularly reading how some other members comment and present themselves, they show that they haven't the depth of understanding that is needed, and that you portray.
Like others have said, this article/thread should be read by everyone who comes to visit the site, to give themselves the checks and balances across the subject, and very much serves as a basis and starting point to develop themselves through reading and exploring, with all the notes on warnings being near the surface of their thinking.
Thank you again for the time and effort you've taken to clearly show the character that you are, and of how you, as a dominant, behave and conduct yourself. So many others should learn a great deal from your words.

I have pinned this forum post to the top of the forum, so all newbies will see it when they join!

Posted

Thank you for this post.  I had an experience recently that turned me in very much but the mistress did not follow any of the healthy guidelines that where outlined in the top of this thread.  I knew it was not right but I went along with it because I wanted to be submissive more than I even knew about.  She ended our relationship with shame and tried to black mail me over some pictures and videos she demanded I do prior to meeting.  I have known about the community for over a decade and also knew enough that I was shocked by 50 shades of Grey and thought it broke a lot of the healthy Guidelines.  Even still I fell in to the trap and was seduced by someone pretending to be in the community. 

To be honest I cam on here to explore why it turned me on and if there would be a healthy way to live out my Kinks.  What would I have to do as a loving person to have this be nurturing and releasing to a partner. 

 I know as a newbie I am not that desirable because I lack experience.  I am also mostly vanilla and I am not into the extreme kinds of BDSM.  I love to please in Vanilla so I think that is why I got so turned on and carried away foolishly into a bad situation recently with a mistress.   I went into sub space so much I couldn't think for days after.  I told her I was struggling and was even having a hard time eating.  I  did not know how much it would take me away.  I hope I can find a real Mistress that would follow the guidelines posted on here.  

Thank you again for this thread!!   It helps me to understand I could experience these Kinks someday in a healthy way that makes more sense.  If you have any advice for me or comments I would appreciate it.   Thank you for understanding.   

Posted
6 hours ago, Lockfairy said:

I did read things like this 18 months ago and I still ended up with an ***r. 🤷‍♀️ Sometimes they’re extremely clever and hard to spot. No one should blame themselves if they don’t manage to. 
 

Thanks for this, Arch. I hope it gets pinned. 

I am sorry to hear you had a bad experience too.   I know your frustrations as well...  Thank you for this post.   

Posted (edited)
22 minutes ago, Sensualdevotion said:

Thank you for this post.  I had an experience recently that turned me in very much but the mistress did not follow any of the healthy guidelines that where outlined in the top of this thread.  I knew it was not right but I went along with it because I wanted to be submissive more than I even knew about.  She ended our relationship with shame and tried to black mail me over some pictures and videos she demanded I do prior to meeting.  I have known about the community for over a decade and also knew enough that I was shocked by 50 shades of Grey and thought it broke a lot of the healthy Guidelines.  Even still I fell in to the trap and was seduced by someone pretending to be in the community. 

To be honest I cam on here to explore why it turned me on and if there would be a healthy way to live out my Kinks.  What would I have to do as a loving person to have this be nurturing and releasing to a partner. 

 I know as a newbie I am not that desirable because I lack experience.  I am also mostly vanilla and I am not into the extreme kinds of BDSM.  I love to please in Vanilla so I think that is why I got so turned on and carried away foolishly into a bad situation recently with a mistress.   I went into sub space so much I couldn't think for days after.  I told her I was struggling and was even having a hard time eating.  I  did not know how much it would take me away.  I hope I can find a real Mistress that would follow the guidelines posted on here.  

Thank you again for this thread!!   It helps me to understand I could experience these Kinks someday in a healthy way that makes more sense.  If you have any advice for me or comments I would appreciate it.   Thank you for understanding.   

Thanks for your comments. Please don't ever think that inexperience makes you less desirable because that is far from the truth. Whilst there are people who will only play with those who are experienced, there are just as many (if not many more) that are only too willing to take on an inexperienced submissive, a blank canvas so to speak. You do you, and the right person for you will come along when the time is right.

Edited by SirArchA
Posted

Wit woo look at you getting pinned 😈👏 class writing Informative and to the point 👌

Posted
Thankyou, that was an interesting read x
Posted

Definitely very informative 👍👍👍👍👍

Posted

Great read, v thought provoking, now is the time to take the plunge and hopefully meet a like minded partner….that seem to be the hard bit!!!

Posted
Be careful......Coffee meet first x
Posted

Thank you so much for this brilliant written post, so much great information and advice. All who join should definitely read this. 

Newtothis1969
Posted

Thank you SirArchA for this very informative post :)

I have just recently joined this site to hopefully understand and learn more about BDSM

Since meeting my partner 7 months ago on a 'normal' (whatever that is :grin:) dating site, I have found that I enjoy the odd kinky session as both a submissive and dominate, sometimes we switch though to be honest I think I prefer to be the submissive. I'm coming to the conclusion though that I must communicate more with him about how I'm feeling and what I'm wanting and not wanting each time we get together as I sometimes just go along with things cause I want him to enjoy himself and to please him when sometimes I actually just want a loving vanilla session :worried: 

So yes communication and permission/consent is the key :)

 

Posted
Well written. I only have one quibble. Just as bdsm may not involve sex, it also may not involve d/s. There are also variants such as submissive tops (service tops), dominant bottoms, and a lot of other flavors. :).
Posted
34 minutes ago, Cee-gee said:

There are also variants such as submissive tops (service tops), dominant bottoms, and a lot of other flavors. :).

You're right, but the whole point is to keep it simple for those who are just starting out.
A 'service top' is a "Top" - a 'Dominant bottom' is a "Bottom" for the purpose of this post - it doesn't need to be more complicated than that.

Posted
3 hours ago, Cee-gee said:

Well written. I only have one quibble. Just as bdsm may not involve sex, it also may not involve d/s. There are also variants such as submissive tops (service tops), dominant bottoms, and a lot of other flavors. :).

I often take BDSM as a bit of a catch-all 
In itself there are three separate initialisms Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and submission, Sadomasochism 

Someone participating doesn't need to be into all 3.    

But also.  If someone is service topping, then they are still partaking in Dominance.  They may also be partaking in Discipline. Or satisfying a masochist.    Which would all tie in

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