Switches: How did you find out you were a switch?

[SapphicScientist]

How did you find out you were a switch? Which identity came first or was it both at once?

Content warning Sexual talk

Note:
I'm not trying to hype myself up,
I'm pointing out highs and lows to demonstrate the mixed messages I've recieved from my experiences, and my method of coming to the conclusions I have

For me

At first, I thought i was just a normal, perhaps babyish or unknowledable kid, I thought the best plan was finding mentors, but upon surveying my prospects

And being introduced to fellow *** and teachers. I realized I had a lot more to give as a facilitor than a follower. I thought this would change quickly, but year after year, while I had some friends who would sometimes offer some structure, leadership, advice

It still didn't fulfill my craving, teachers would comment when they saw me helping guide students who asked with classwork to assure me the other kids would catch up eventually. Up until I dropped out due to illness in 10th grade

Unprompted people would use terms like natural leader, old soul, future president, all that jazz without even trying and even at the end of interections when they had nothing to gain or times when complimenting me was labeled uncool, (what was weird to me was the wishy washy inconsistency of respect, electing me with their words and actions occasionally to take it away without constructive feedback, hearing i was too hard on myself when considering others needs above my own and that i wasnt careful enough. I wanted to be careful, just wasn't sure how I didn't care where in the social hierarchy I was, just that I had a few nice friends and civil acquaintances, and to maximize my helpfulness)

my social style was more similar to the 30 year olds I'd hear and interact with than my fellow classmates,

In most group settings, upon surveying my teams abilities, I was often more qualified to come up with a plan (like being the only space nerd for a space project), so I would attempt assertiveness while still trying to respect folks desires and boundaries. It felt better than any of the other options when I used different strategies for similar scenarios.

my friends often placed me in a quasi platonic hint of romance dom role. The more I acted that way up till a sometimes hard to discern point, the more positive engagement I received, they'd set up questions and scenarios for me to act that way, which I enjoyed,

But when I fell in romantic love I felt this desire to be of service. While I sometimes find domming a fun game up to a point in the intesity of my emotions. Ive noticed a trend of When I'm feeling very very riled up I usually don't want to play controlling or make orders, just be moaning and still.

I haven't been able to take the risks to get my self and others feedback find who my specific domsona is, or rather, the less practical, more playful side (my dutiful caretaker domsona is a tool that eases interections with myself and friends) so I'm often just trying to find out who my subs dream dom is, and doing what I feel comfortable with out of that menu of choices

But I could see levels of communication, practice, and trust at which I would feel more space to be dominant. Its weird knowing there's a person inside you that you aren't yet.

I don't think I completely understand my subsonas but their inner world is clearer to me, and I'm not as afraid they might hurt someone so I feel more comfortable bringing higher levels of them into my actions

[Do****]

Well, I just always wanted to try everything… but still haven’t experience with a good dom.

[nu****]

Hmmm, interesting question 😃

I attribute the discovery of being a switch to my inquisitive and empathetic nature. I've recognized my kinkiness very early, while still being a child. And when I started exploring my kinks and incorporating them into childhood games (many times unknowingly, especially in the early times), like playing Pirates or Cowboys and Indians and tying our victims up, not only did I discover I like to be the one who ties or imprisons the victim, but I also enjoyed to be the victim, because I wanted to know what it is like.
So, for me it evolved naturally, while having fun with other kids.

Edited May 24, 2022 by nullstein

[Ju****]

Got to the second line... then stopped reading.

I do not believe 'switching' is an identity. Nor is 'Dominant' or 'Submissive'.
It's a role. And it doesn't define me. Just what i like and what works for me.

That's my only answer.

[ey****]

In short, by looking in my pants when I play or watch stuff 

[Deleted Member]

It really just depends on the partner, the dynamic, and the vibe at the time. Agreeing with others here, it’s a role and not an identity. It just depends on the circumstances.

[ca****]

I've switched from slave to master in a session because the Dom idea of suppression was not powerful enough to conclude session
Different Doms Diffrent practice

[Vi****]

Agree with Jen and Eyem it's just a role, I like to be in the moment and see what develops. Sometimes I'll want to take the lead other times I don't. 

Ideally I would like to have a relationship with another switch.  Oherwise if the other isn't into experimenting and trying different roles, ultimately one of us will loose out. 

Edited May 24, 2022 by Vic1077

[Sw****]

Agree with most of the comments here saying it's just a role. Both my late wife and I were switch's and trust me when I say when both people in the relationship are the same it ands for interesting play time. It also helped that both my late wife and I are also bi so that added even more fun to the mix in the bedroom.

[Deleted Member]

always a dom, i was woth a girl that was a switch but didnt explore her dom side yet, i felt her masculin energies and it drew out my feminin energies..later i was meditatimg and uncovered these fantasies..sneaky how they were hidden

[tr****]

I feel as though everyone has a Dom and sub side to them, it just depends on who you’re with, what side shows through. People can be more dominant or more submissive however matched with different people in I’d assume one roll would take over. I’ve been asked before what if I met another switch, what would happen, to which I responded that we would naturally decide who takes what role.

[Charms]

I realise I was sub it was my thing.

But when a dom tried to tell me what to do I was like hell no. I pinned him to the wall. Little 5 foot me. He was  very tall  an worked out. I said there was no way he would ever top me. I don't know I can just tell if some one isn't dominant enough for me and I switch . It's happened a few times.

 

But it also depends on if I want to actually serve the person . We're as master just as a look or a tone of voice and I know to behave. But I also love serving him.

Because the reward when he pulls me in his arms and calls me his baby qnd I'm a good girl is hot 

[br****]

I used to think I was fully just a sub but I dated this girl who was also a sub for 1 year and really wanted to make her happy so I tried to be a dom and I ended up loving it

[Os****]

I never knew I had any sub/Dom side before I was actually told so by one of the girls. I never felt any desire to cause *** or to degrade intentionally my partners, but was/am active and... Not sure if it is a correct word, let it be leading side. As time passed, I found it enjoyable to let the things go as well, serve&please, though I still stick more to be a leading side. Finding a way to be both at the same time is really intriguing for me right now:)

[cu****]

So I realized I was a sub with men and then when it came to women/non binary I was comfy do both roles

[So****]

I discovered switch by rewarding my partner and fulfilling thier fantasies. I was surprised by the level of love I felt in submission

[Deleted Member]

The definition of switch is kind of muddied I think.

I definitely want to take the controlling role often but I don't mind switching sometimes. The way I see it I'm doing something involving sex with a woman I'm in a relationship with which she enjoys.

Not my itch but I'm happy help her fulfill her kink occasionally 🤗.

Maybe I'm not a true switch since it's not my fetish.

[al****]

First I thought I was just a Dom, then I realized that I liked the things I wanted to do to other people. I explored sub space and little space and found I'm more of a sub but still a switch. All in all, power exchanges are hot! 🥵

[Ob****]

My step sis used to spit in my mouth and sit on my face. Real story. Always liked being sub. Anyway, I dated some girl who was a real piece of shit (phys ***d me) and then I discovered my dominant side. I like to communicate before hand now

[gr****]

An x showed me that I was a verse the power swap can be very freeing embrace yourself like no one else ever will

[de****]

I'm the same way small things but I'm trying to find out if I'm that way on everything

[sa****]

Sub=helps me deal with the sexual *** I experienced as a young man.
Dom=helps the caregiver in me

[Ca****]

Sunday at 12:35 PM, sailorandmermaid said:

Sub=helps me deal with the sexual *** I experienced as a young man.
Dom=helps the caregiver in me

Exactly!

[En****]

I’m just starting to experiment with this and I didn’t realize that you could have “subsonas” and “domsonas” as a switch. I took a quiz and apparently I’m 100% a switch and 91% non-monogamous (my wife didn’t like that being 74% vanilla and 24% non-monogamous).

Has that helped your sexual experiences going into that sub/dom persona as a switch?

[Deleted Member]

June 19, sailorandmermaid said:

Sub=helps me deal with the sexual *** I experienced as a young man.
Dom=helps the caregiver in me

This is perfect said.