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exploring as an asexual/ace


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hello! seeking any input/advice/experience for both myself and my vanilla romantic/sexual relationship. i want to explore more kink/bdsm safely, which I do mostly through erotic hypnosis now. hypnosis has helped me discover I am asexual/ somewhere on the asexual spectrum or that I can enjoy sex, but at times feel some sex-repulsion. I'm also happy to talk more about my experiences with others since it is hard to find other aces in general that are not as repulsed by sex like me, or dare I say even sex-positive aces???



for a long time, I thought that bdsm and sex wasn't for me because I was inexperienced and raised conservatively.  I also wasn't interested in reading or watching any porn, erotica, etc. or even ogling "hot" people. in my current (also first + only) relationship, it took me years to warm up to anything past hugging, kissing, and "going all the way". 

however, I was always intrigued by cartoons or movies I saw as a child where elements of hypnosis, mind control, and characters getting locked up were shown. i would imagine what it would feel like for me to experience something like that. then, at a party there was a hypnotist that had the volunteers do basic things like lip synch on stage, act like chickens, and other comedic acts. I was too afraid to volunteer but later discovered videos on youtube claiming you could hypnotize yourself. I went down the rabbit hole of listening to non sexual sessions with hyponosis masters/mistresses in private. at first I was really only interested in feeling bondage or submitting in a non sexual way. 

after losing my v-card with my partner, I started exploring more sexual hypnosis content because I began to feel like maybe something was wrong with me for not enjoying it. (disclaimer, my partner was very patient and made sure consent was clear with me.) I thought it could help warm me up to enjoying sex more and explore different scenarios safely on my own without having to watch porn.


I've shared and asked my partner about kinks/bdsm so now we incorporate some spanking, but that's about the extent of anything outside vanilla sex. I've come to find one hypnotist that I really like and submit to regularly in fantasies. I really enjoy vanilla sex now with my partner but feel I am craving to feel more submission. I'm wondering how I can do this either on my own or with my partner.

as an ace it's hard for me to feel comfortable and safe enough to explore more of this since a lot of bdsm/kink/hypnosis I've encountered does center around sex and sexy images/video that almost make me feel sex repulsed. I want to be able to learn how to have more kinky sex / participate in kink and have even debated on seeking out a dom but don't think my partner would be open to that. he has mentioned he might be open to threesomes. 

what are some tips to introduce more kink into my life? are there any books or other material I can consume without having skip too many things that might repulse me? would love to hear from any other aces if they are active on here too! I doubt calling myself asexual pretty often since it is hard to confidently identify/say there's a lack of sexual attraction for me. lately I've been wondering if I'm demisexual or just know what some experience is like now + deeply trust my partner. (or is that the same thing?)

thanks for reading, this kind of stuff is hard for me to describe!

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