What do subs desire from their dom?

[Ca****]

I'm working on a contract to make with my sub, I'm wondering what to include..

[ey****]

I think, without wishing to state the obvious

if you're working on a contract and want to know what she desires...

you make the contract together - based on what you both want and expect from each other 

[Ma****]

They way I do it with my subs is to take index cards and write categories (ie limits, must dos, things to try, safewords/signals, scheduling etc) then each writes their own. Afterwards combine and negotiate both sets into the contract

[Deleted Member]

At least the agreements you made together, at least I assume you made them. Examples that can help you with the drafting are plentiful on the web.

[Ca****]

I meant like games and types of rewards and punishments

[ey****]

2 minutes ago, CaptainMagic said:

I meant like games and types of rewards and punishments

returns to the first point

subs are not a hivemind and something which is a reward for one will be a punishment for another

talk to your sub 

[Ma****]

13 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

returns to the first point

subs are not a hivemind and something which is a reward for one will be a punishment for another

talk to your sub 

Rewards and punishments along with ways to earn them should be included

[Leisa]

Like everyone has already stated, this should be something that you collaborate with your sub on.

[Ca****]

22 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

returns to the first point

subs are not a hivemind and something which is a reward for one will be a punishment for another

talk to your sub 

Looking for ideas , we are actually doing it together

[ey****]

3 minutes ago, CaptainMagic said:

Looking for ideas , we are actually doing it together

OK

Reward = something she likes

this could be an orgasm, her favourite fetish, ice cream, so on

Punishment = something she doesn't like but is within her limits

I cannot give any examples because I don't know what she likes, what her limits are, so on.    

 

Punishments are also not necessary in every dynamic.  If you're unsure you don't have to include them.  Everything can be about mutual fun. 

[Ca****]

Got it, thanks

[ey****]

Like - it's not that I'm trying to be unhelpful

but, this is conversations with your sub

what would she like as a reward? are you happy to do that? does your dynamic need rewards? what triggers the reward?

what would be a punishment? is she happy to receive that? is it actually a punishment? does your dynamic even need punishments? what triggers the punishment?

[Ma****]

3 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

OK

Reward = something she likes

this could be an orgasm, her favourite fetish, ice cream, so on

Punishment = something she doesn't like but is within her limits

I cannot give any examples because I don't know what she likes, what her limits are, so on.    

 

Punishments are also not necessary in every dynamic.  If you're unsure you don't have to include them.  Everything can be about mutual fun. 

I also usually include a smaller reward for withstanding a punishment that's not especially cared for

[Deleted Member]

Because it is hardwired into your nature.
Because you know your Master will crave you.
Because it releases stress.
Because you love the guidance, structure, protocols, boundaries.
Because it boosts confidence.
Because you love the training.
Because it's very transparent clear on paper.
Because you love getting fucked rough.
Because you love receiving sexual experiments.
Because you love it when being spanked.
Because you love it being put on your place.
Because you need the structure and rules in order to feel fulfilled.
Because you love the protocols.
Because you have someone to care for and be valuable to.
Because you crave the intensity of M/s interactions.
Because the feeling of ownership makes me feel safe and free.
Because you need someone who craves you and wants you just as much as you do them and you have not found that in the vanilla world.
Because you feel the need to be held accountable for your actions,
in a way that only a M/s relationship can provide.
You love having a person who will take you down dark paths of desire.
You crave that moment when you can finally let go and fully submit and your mind finally quiets
Sometimes you just need the feelings of hands on your throat or buried in your hair and the
whisper of "You are Mine" in your ear
Because *** is an incredible turn on and you have yet
to meet a vanilla who understands why you want it.
Because it works.

[AKA_Copper]

Ask 100 subs the same question and you'll get 100+ different answers

[Ca****]

30 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Like - it's not that I'm trying to be unhelpful

but, this is conversations with your sub

what would she like as a reward? are you happy to do that? does your dynamic need rewards? what triggers the reward?

what would be a punishment? is she happy to receive that? is it actually a punishment? does your dynamic even need punishments? what triggers the punishment?

Actually, this is really helpful because I wasn't sure of what questions I should be asking in the first place, so.. thanks

[Deleted Member]

I have reviewed 2 or 3 draft contracts and typical clauses cover total control of the sub almost to the point of civil ownership. Such clauses as Dom owning the rights to the subs income and savings, the right of the Dom to the subs organs in need of a transplant ( in later life should the need arise) lifetime ownership, the right of the Dom to dictate when and how often the sub can visit [ if not living g in the doms residence], the cost of travel at the subs expense and so on.
Exactly how a court would deem such a contract would be interesting, as these types of clauses bring about issues of human rights.

[Deleted Member]

Truth, empathy, communication, trust, loyalty

[de****]

I desire, safety, security, transparency, romance. Also, move at pace I’m comfortable with. Definitely security

[de****]

Is this a dom/sub serious relationship? Like romance and love involved or nah

[Deleted Member]

Contracts are I'm sorry but a bit of a joke. I. Terms of their station within the law.
Personally if both parties can uphold the agreements then they are fine building blocks.
As far as asking what to put in. You need to know and then discuss with your 'other' on those . Matters. No one else can I out or influence.

[Ro****]

Depends on the sub ask her what she wants tell her what you want and meet in the middle

[Deleted Member]

Going into a full time contract straight away can be tough on both of you, full power exchange is tiring for the Dom as much as it is for the Sub.
.
When you make the contract, and sign it, do so for a set time, say 3 months. Then come out of the contract, speak with your sub about what worked and what didn’t, and try again for a longer time, say 6 months.
.
Include “porch time” in your dynamic, the Sub will need some space to air grievances that a 24/7 dynamic cannot give, and porch time is a good option.
.
As for things to include: What the sub eats, wears, drinks, daily chores, exercise, rewards, punishments, financial limits, methods for interacting with friends and family, daily tasks to serve you, reason to break the rules, ie accident, fire etc.
.
If the sub starts to rely on you completely for everything remember to have instructions to help them cope with disasters. If you have a heart attack and she calls an ambulance, what does she do while you are in hospital, who does she speak to for support. Make sure you have processes in place for her.

[Deleted Member]

Clarity.

[Na****]

Saturday at 09:56 PM, chocolateandchains said:

I have reviewed 2 or 3 draft contracts and typical clauses cover total control of the sub almost to the point of civil ownership. Such clauses as Dom owning the rights to the subs income and savings, the right of the Dom to the subs organs in need of a transplant ( in later life should the need arise) lifetime ownership, the right of the Dom to dictate when and how often the sub can visit [ if not living g in the doms residence], the cost of travel at the subs expense and so on.
Exactly how a court would deem such a contract would be interesting, as these types of clauses bring about issues of human rights.

A guy I talked to had a sub that had to ask to use the restroom. He controlled all of her finances. Wasn’t allowed to speak in public unless given permission by him (for instance, a restaurant waiter asking if she needed more water). What she ate. Where she went. Which is why it’s so important to talk about these before you get into a D/s relationship, because I wasn’t about to give up all that 😅 We just weren’t a match.