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A somewhat long post. Hope you read it and help. 


I have recently (one and a half years ago, to be precise) become part of a BDSM relationship as the sub to my Mistress. We have known each other for years and dated traditionally for three years before coming to terms with the fact that we are both switches, I being more of a sub and she more of a dom. We live in a non-western country where society is still conservative and non-traditional sex is frowned upon, so it took us time to realize what we really wanted from one another. Now that we have both embraced our true nature, we are certainly happier.

There is one problem, though. Before we officially became the BDSM couple, Mistress had expressed interest in partly cuckolding me, i.e. making me remain chaste (and even using a cock cage) for as long as she wished, while she slept with other guys. I was allowed to sleep with her, or even masturbate, only when she permitted, which was not, of course, very often. She seemed to be really excited over this, and this arrangement stayed in place for ten months or so. After that, Mistress stopped it, saying that she loves me and does not like sleeping with other men. Said that it felt like cheating, and that she was hurting me. Though I said, again and again, that I am okay with the chastity/cuckolding thing, she maintained that she will not go back to it. She kept saying, "It's just not the same with others." Instead, she now has me follow this new lifestyle where she subjects me to shorter periods of chastity and sleeps with me more often, but does so only after rigorous sessions of caning, whipping, wax torture and suchlike.

I am not unhappy with what I am asked to do now. But I do worry if I am holding Mistress back. Her exploration of her dom self through relationships with other men while keeping me chaste/cuckolded was cut short because of her feelings for me, and I could not convince her to continue with it. I can't help but feel that I am getting in the way of her being the dom she wants to be. I tried to say this to her, but she just sushed me. And of course, I cannot really broach the topic again, seeing that it is not a sub's place to tell a dom what to do. But I feel guilty. I think, as I said, I am holding Mistress back. What's more, I think it will bother her eventually as well, and this combination of my guilt and her dissatisfaction will hurt our relationship.


What should I do?


Evaluate if you're still happy within the new dynamic.

Don't try and convince her towards cuckolding and so on. She tried it and decided it wasn't for her by the sounds of it. It comes across as something YOU want.




Actions first then evaluate emotions. Your Mistress isn’t self centred as you say she loves you and doesn’t want to upset your closeness together. Bdsm is a broad church so explore other avenues. You might just discover something even more exciting than cuckolding or on the other hand revisit at a later stage. 
Many submissives go through self doubt but many sub-missives don’t have love and affection as you do. 


I think it’s wise to trust that your Mistress knows best. From the sound of it she loves and cares about you a lot, love doesn’t get in the way of kink. The connection just gets stronger. It doesn’t sound like you are holding her back at all. She has just told you what she wants and what she doesn’t want, its good to follow what she wants. 

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