Consent. Closure. No means NO!!! Slight trigger warning.

[CopperKnob]

5 minutes ago, Finally_Jen said:

CK os spot on and so is feral. 

 

No even if a giggle was from nerves.. means no  

Me pushing him away

Taking steps backwards

Me telling him to stop and behave himself

That i dont see him in that way

that i have a boyfriend 

 

All of it was a polite way of rejetion

Because that's what and who i am. 

 

I would also like to point out he didnt physically hurt me until i did push him away with *** with a booming no and found help.

It was only after i did this that he put his hands around my neck. 

Before it was intimate and sexual with the groping

The neck squeeze was tense tight and aggressive. 

 

Imagine i harmed him. He could have really harmed me.

Would it bw preferable for me to bw crying with a black eye or u conscious on the floor before help finds me??? 

Or for me to be polite and get away un***hed to seek aid.

 

Any form of no. Verbal. Physical. All matters. 

My words and body language was NO. 

The youre my friend i dont see you that way was no. 

The i have a boyfriend.. in the hope hel realise im unavailable anyway ... not a fucking challenge.. is a no.

The arm kept taut against his body to keep him at a distance...the pint to my face as i turn away.

 

All a fucking NO.

 

There is no excuse for me being put through that. 

If he had of listened to the first polite no maybe i wouldn't have been left traumatised.  Angry scared and upset. 

I wouldnt have had a hand placed tight against my neck. 

It would have been forgotten about and the evening went on fine. But no. He made his choice to keep trying me.

 

Why?? Did he think i was weak? Maybe.

Did he think he would get away with it or that id cave? Maybe.

Did he think because i was dating his friend that he was entitled? Maybe.

 

Did he think because he was drunk it was alright because why not? Maybe

 

 

 

Doesnt make any of it fucking right.

🧡

[Ju****]

May i know what was so bad to be said publicly that wound up in your inbox?

 

The realisation  that more than myself read it as blaming. 

 

It felt extremely gaslighting. The theme of this is wjat you shoulda woulda coulda. I challenge that and he basically accuses me of trolling and reading wrong.  I knew exactly what he meant and il never agree that i could have done more. The first No should have been enough. 

No. 

[Chloebear]

3 hours ago, DarkArts1066 said:

I’ve been a PPO for 27 years now, and the advice you have given about kneeing him is massively flawed. Whilst I agree 100% with reporting, and securing CCTV as soon as possible, (we all know what happens to that if the club wants to protect its integrity) There were other avenues available to secure safety.
I would never advise countering an *** with another *** - unless there is a ‘threat to life’ - and then it needs to be on a single strike basis - otherwise you’ll be the one getting nicked.
Reasonable - Proportionate - Justified.

Given that “Ginger” is 6’4”, and was aggressive in his approach (the neck hold in particular) any physical resistance would likely have been futile, and exacerbated the situation.
If you’ve ever actually tried to accurately knee a guy in the cluster, you’ll know how difficult it is to get it right.

This guy is a sexual predator. That’s not my best guess - it’s profiling, with 27 years worth of experience. I used to work for a while in the fashion industry, looking after fashion models for fashion houses - so I understand what sexual predators look like, and their behaviours.

I know the moment has probably passed now Jen, but - God forbid that something like that should ever happen again, please report immediately - and rationally, to anyone and everyone who will listen. Door Staff, Owner, Police, Licensing. And any else who might be able to help. Witnesses are important too.
Stay safe.

I have to say I agree about not kneeing him. For the reasons I said before, echoed here, and also just logistically. Kneeing a guy in the nuts as a woman, with the height difference, is actually really difficult. If you’re in heels you might be taller but still, it’s very tricky to land a knee in the nuts in heels on someone (unless they’re consenting…. Which is another story).

Sadly, I learned this from personal experience… my fight or flight is all fight. On two separate attacks I’ve tried to knee them. One caught my leg between his and told me he ‘liked that baby’, the other dodged it and I can’t even type what he said because it still makes me uncomfortable. The *** after failing on both sky rocketed. (I reported the first up the road to police, he was arrested. The second - karma caught up with him some years later, but I didn’t report because I was 20 and didn’t have the experience yet to understand it wasn’t my fault, which is what I was told by a ‘friend’ at the party).

Which is also something for @koray to consider. In an adrenaline situation, it’s difficult to predict your reactions unless you’re trained. Freeze is a common reaction to a sexual ***, and freeze can mean simply that you don’t believe what is happening, so you just continue as normally as possible. For women, the pressure to be polite is ridiculous. You end up apologising to people for outrageous things… until you’ve been in that situation it’s quite hard to imagine.

[CopperKnob]

7 minutes ago, Finally_Jen said:

May i know what was so bad to be said publicly that wound up in your inbox?

 

The realisation  that more than myself read it as blaming. 

 

It felt extremely gaslighting. The theme of this is wjat you shoulda woulda coulda. I challenge that and he basically accuses me of trolling and reading wrong.  I knew exactly what he meant and il never agree that i could have done more. The first No should have been enough. 

No. 

Essentially more of the same as their initial comment. Plus calling me out for my assumption that they likely haven't experienced sexual ***. It appears that they are of the mindset that if those who experience sexual *** have self defence skills and use them everything will be fine.
Nothing more than silliness really but it earned him a block.
I see no one trolling them in the comments. I do see people providing them a different perspective as well as a first person perspective. Nothing more than that.

[Ju****]

8 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Essentially more of the same as their initial comment. Plus calling me out for my assumption that they likely haven't experienced sexual ***. It appears that they are of the mindset that if those who experience sexual *** have self defence skills and use them everything will be fine.
Nothing more than silliness really but it earned him a block.
I see no one trolling them in the comments. I do see people providing them a different perspective as well as a first person perspective. Nothing more than that.

Such a shame. 

I cannot and will.not resort to ***. I wont allow possible danger to my life and health. 

As chloe (sadly, hugs) pointed out.. some.people seem to like when women fight back as much as them submitting with ***

Some can be inpredictable and *** as he was and me lashing at him.. could have been much much worse.  

Il always choose to back away 

I would only ever fight for my ***. 

[Th****]

the information is not flawed, and this was a male that is clearly aggressive to women, I would never advise any female in that type of situation, having stated no, and backed off, and placed a shield between them, not to protect herself. She was in a large social gathering, so the act of defending herself, and  shouting " I SAID NO" at the top of her voice, would have been noticed by the people around her, and im sure many of the guys around her would have come to her aid. As Principle Protection Officer or as the rest of call ourselves bodyguards, the first lesson you would have learned would have been the law regarding the use of ***, *** is not always physical intervention, but the use of *** is on a linear scale, No, No and backing away, No and placing an object between you, No and trying to push them away, this shows a linear scale of events, the last option being a good knee in the balls followed by a very loud NO.

All *** used must be reasonable and practicable thats the law.

At no time was Jen at fault, this was an aggressive male, that wanted what he wanted. This is considered in the bodyguarding world as a dangerous predator, Jen was lucky to have managed to escape to another friend, but his persistence to then squeeze jens neck as a means of a warning, and lets be straight that was him issuing a warning to shut up and say nothing, gives a profile that is very dangerous to women, next time the woman may not be so lucky and receive a serious ***, or even worse.

I personally know Jen and know that if this has shaken her enough to say something, she was frightened by this guys actions. Jen is very strong and can and will stand up for herself, and where like her I dont condone ***, sometimes a good sharp reminder that your actions are not wanted or welcome needs to happen.

 

 

[Ju****]

7 minutes ago, TheBodyguard said:

the information is not flawed, and this was a male that is clearly aggressive to women, I would never advise any female in that type of situation, having stated no, and backed off, and placed a shield between them, not to protect herself. She was in a large social gathering, so the act of defending herself, and  shouting " I SAID NO" at the top of her voice, would have been noticed by the people around her, and im sure many of the guys around her would have come to her aid. As Principle Protection Officer or as the rest of call ourselves bodyguards, the first lesson you would have learned would have been the law regarding the use of ***, *** is not always physical intervention, but the use of *** is on a linear scale, No, No and backing away, No and placing an object between you, No and trying to push them away, this shows a linear scale of events, the last option being a good knee in the balls followed by a very loud NO.

All *** used must be reasonable and practicable thats the law.

At no time was Jen at fault, this was an aggressive male, that wanted what he wanted. This is considered in the bodyguarding world as a dangerous predator, Jen was lucky to have managed to escape to another friend, but his persistence to then squeeze jens neck as a means of a warning, and lets be straight that was him issuing a warning to shut up and say nothing, gives a profile that is very dangerous to women, next time the woman may not be so lucky and receive a serious ***, or even worse.

I personally know Jen and know that if this has shaken her enough to say something, she was frightened by this guys actions. Jen is very strong and can and will stand up for herself, and where like her I dont condone ***, sometimes a good sharp reminder that your actions are not wanted or welcome needs to happen.

 

 

Yes you know me. 

 

But you will know while i am strong i still wont resort to *** and physicals. 

I just couldnt even if i wanted to in that moment anyway. I froze.  I was scared and im.not afraid to admit that. 

 

Yes he gave me the warning squeeze and as i said it came after i stood up to him. 

Imagine i stood up to him whilst alone. And unable to reach anyone else it could have been worse. 

 

The bar are looking into it now so im communicating with them. 

But i know its not my fault and i couldn't have done more than the No i repeatedly said. Still doesnt excuse his behaviour. 

 

I will say it again.. we were in a very loud club. There was two women to the north east of us... but he stood between me and them

The shouting i did to get him finally off me...no one even heard. It was so loud. 

But i appreciate all the comments here besides Koray and his "you could havr done more" crap.

So thanks everyone 

[Vi****]

1 hour ago, Koray said:

There are so many thing I wanted to point out about the faulty instinctions of how to handle someone pushing boundaries. Mainly because of the physical power gap between aggressor and their target. There is a common misconception of avoiding conflict by not being rude will be safer than to increasing the tension to making it crystal clear you want someone back off. Regardless of size and circumstance, it is better to give intimidating reactions than none confrontational, passive reactions they could courage to push further.


"He leaned in again.. mouth and all open. I stood back and laughed again a bit more nervously this time. "
-Don't ever try to not making looking awkward or being polite to someone pushing boundaries.

"At this stage i then said sorry Ginger i have a boyfriend. "
You don't need to have a boyfriend for him to back off when you have been already rejected his advange just a second ago. Just say "I said NO!". Be firm and stood up your ground. Do not come up with that if you really have a friend. You don't need to be. 

"He said well where is he. I said at home. "
None of your concern! Do not perputuate any questioning you are not supposed to need to. Having boyfriend as the reason of turning down an advance will only lead to find encourage to pushing it further. As if they think you find them attractive and would have say but it is only because you are not available rather than clearly not interested. It can fed up the delusion. 

"I began pushing him away saying no again a further 3 times and backing away." 
Don't just tell. At first you reject in a formal way, at second advance say "I SAID NO!!!".
Be loud and it will not only make it clear to not only him but also make it clear to anyone around.

"Kiss me kiss me kiss me over and over. "
As you show no reaction that could lead him to being intimated of going further. No consequence, no public shaming. Nothing happens other than hearing "no" in a ton of voice no one else hear. 

"I tried to grab a passing womans eye as she passed but she was focussed where she was walking and didnt look at me."
Never count on strangers takin hint and presumed to be in a unfrontional stage. People are not always paying attention to their surrodinging. Use your voice, be loud as much as you can while saying "NO! GET AWAY!!". To the point of screaming if it still keeps going. That will lead everyone stare off and he will be dumb founded and getting embrassed in a spotlight.

"Him still trying and i kept saying no over and over."
As he is still being able to keep going for no consequences. Not because he does not know he is making you comfortable but just there is no consequence no matter what he does. Portraying you as an easy target that lead no consequence regardless of how much discomfort he does cause. 

"Now hes like 6ft 4 very vert heavy built man and very wide and heavy. I felt trapped and every no i said from here on out... he groped my ass and thighs pulling me in."
Regardless of his size or who it is, it will escalate if it lead no emotion other than *** and panic. You are not doing any good by avoiding conflict for your safety. Avoiding conflict as a reaction to physical *** is rather making them more tended to escalate, not the other way around. There needs to be penalty. A consequence of any sort making them freak out. Preferably something unpredictable. Whether it is playing crazy, making a sudden loud noise or anything make them dumb founded without physically engaging.

"Next thing Ginger walks over and stands on one side me (left) and puts his hand around the back of my neck and squeezes it very hard for 10 seconds."
It just level up as it expected without any penalty with previous physical ***s. Not to mention the confirmion that he know what he is doing not because of not taking the hint but just because the lack of consequence gave him the impression that he can get away with your none confrontational reactions. Portraying you as a some sort of safe prey.

"So she told him to bugger off so we could 'girl talk'."
That is what puts him off. Not trying to brush it off. Being told to fuck off. Not being told no over and over again without any consequences.

Nothing encouraging,  nothing intimidating. Just being told no, not going to do anything. If it was something decent, he would not have done what he do in the first place. Being confrontational giving the impression of being scared and panicked.  Which will only perpetuate. You rather better not show the *** and panick by straight ahead showing that you are not afraid of conflict by being loud and making a scene.

There had been actual cases where the potential targets of the serial killers and sex offenders happen to be in the bad mood and told them to fuck off after being creeped out by their tres passing or stalking. Only to realise it was someone on parole moeved on to another target during the same night they got intimated by their reaction. Same applies for burglaries. You are more likely to die by obeying and none confronting than confronting with an aggressor. Show no *** and be more clear. Don't give away that you are being scarred of them by not confronting when they are doing something ridiculous as it will make it super obvious and they will find courage to going further without consequence.

Show no *** and be more clear!!!!! I'm furious at your response, it all reads of implying that jen was in the wrong, why should she do this and that etc. She said no over and over again that should be enough!!! Imctoo mad to reply to the rest of your drivel.

[Deleted Member]

"it all reads of implying that jen was in the wrong"
Are you kidding me?

[Vi****]

5 minutes ago, Koray said:

"it all reads of implying that jen was in the wrong"
Are you kidding me?

No I am not kidding you, re read your post!

[Deleted Member]

I have been following this post since it started and leaving it to Chloe to comment on it as she is much better with the words than i am. But I feel I need to say that it really is a shame that these days people really don’t have a clue that No is the biggest word in any language and has the biggest meaning out of almost anything. It has such a meaning that even within this world we all live in of Kink and BDSM, we take this word with such high regard that it is the only word that we will take specific time, regard, and respect that we talk in great length of coming up with alternative words to mean the same thing. But even upon hear our partners, lovers, submissive, or even Dom/me say No, we check in and confirm. As a community we hold consent in such high regard that it is, or at least should be at the forefront of everything we do. Unfortunately both males and females out with our community do not believe in such standards as we do.

This guy is one example of someone who has no respect for a word, let alone the person he is forcing himself on. As soon as Jen uttered the word or even, shook a head or took a step away he should have stopped, apologised and walked away. But that’s an ideal world and we don’t live in an ideal world unfortunately, as so many poor people such as Jen and Chloe have both experienced.

I agree that Jen was in no way in the wrong with ginger, you said no, you back off, you created space and stated you weren’t interested, you did the correct thing. It should never have taken so many times to
Say no, for him to stop. He is definitely a predator that needs to be held accountable for what he has done. And I understand why you didn’t, but I wish you had grabbed the nearest bouncer or guy walking past in order to protect yourself and avoid any escalation from this guy who is obviously intimidating you, and not taking no for an answer. Only for your own safety!

The comments from others about react with aggression or even ***, hell no! Even if you had connected with a knee, or scared him by shouting. It could have triggered his fight or flight response and going by his size and attitude, I’m sorry to say it would more than likely been fight causing him to *** you to be quiet, and by the neck grab when you did speak to someone, he already tried to shut you up or continue trying to keep you near him. The only way he stopped was by a second party telling him to leave.

This guy in my opinion. And going by his actions, has done this before, he had no *** in not stopping, even when another woman was involved, had it been another guy, or better a bouncer, he may have stopped, or worst case turned his fight response towards them, giving you a chance to escape. And I *** it won’t be the last time he tries to do this with another female, and hopefully they have someone near them to help as you did.

I’m not a violent person in the slightest, and am also from a background of security, stewarding and public facing positions where I occasionally need to step
In and handle difficult situations. I am lucky to have experience I can fall back on to help with situations that not everyone has, and this opinion is only based on experience and training. I also understand that you may not have that experience, and also the shock and *** of being the person this is targeted towards can cause the reaction of freeze and go silence, I have done it myself. But please, for the fact of passing on advice and also as I know you from on here and want you and everyone else to be safe, if anything ever happens similar, grab the nearest bouncer, grab the nearest guy, step to the side, never step back and corner yourself. Don’t get aggressive or try and fight them off, get the nearest help you can see. Stay safe Jen, you and everyone else around us. And thankfully, the community we live in, most people have more respect than scum like Ginger

[Vi****]

.

Edited August 1, 2022 by Vic1077

[Ju****]

25 minutes ago, OneKnottyBoy said:

I have been following this post since it started and leaving it to Chloe to comment on it as she is much better with the words than i am. But I feel I need to say that it really is a shame that these days people really don’t have a clue that No is the biggest word in any language and has the biggest meaning out of almost anything. It has such a meaning that even within this world we all live in of Kink and BDSM, we take this word with such high regard that it is the only word that we will take specific time, regard, and respect that we talk in great length of coming up with alternative words to mean the same thing. But even upon hear our partners, lovers, submissive, or even Dom/me say No, we check in and confirm. As a community we hold consent in such high regard that it is, or at least should be at the forefront of everything we do. Unfortunately both males and females out with our community do not believe in such standards as we do.

This guy is one example of someone who has no respect for a word, let alone the person he is forcing himself on. As soon as Jen uttered the word or even, shook a head or took a step away he should have stopped, apologised and walked away. But that’s an ideal world and we don’t live in an ideal world unfortunately, as so many poor people such as Jen and Chloe have both experienced.

I agree that Jen was in no way in the wrong with ginger, you said no, you back off, you created space and stated you weren’t interested, you did the correct thing. It should never have taken so many times to
Say no, for him to stop. He is definitely a predator that needs to be held accountable for what he has done. And I understand why you didn’t, but I wish you had grabbed the nearest bouncer or guy walking past in order to protect yourself and avoid any escalation from this guy who is obviously intimidating you, and not taking no for an answer. Only for your own safety!

The comments from others about react with aggression or even ***, hell no! Even if you had connected with a knee, or scared him by shouting. It could have triggered his fight or flight response and going by his size and attitude, I’m sorry to say it would more than likely been fight causing him to *** you to be quiet, and by the neck grab when you did speak to someone, he already tried to shut you up or continue trying to keep you near him. The only way he stopped was by a second party telling him to leave.

This guy in my opinion. And going by his actions, has done this before, he had no *** in not stopping, even when another woman was involved, had it been another guy, or better a bouncer, he may have stopped, or worst case turned his fight response towards them, giving you a chance to escape. And I *** it won’t be the last time he tries to do this with another female, and hopefully they have someone near them to help as you did.

I’m not a violent person in the slightest, and am also from a background of security, stewarding and public facing positions where I occasionally need to step
In and handle difficult situations. I am lucky to have experience I can fall back on to help with situations that not everyone has, and this opinion is only based on experience and training. I also understand that you may not have that experience, and also the shock and *** of being the person this is targeted towards can cause the reaction of freeze and go silence, I have done it myself. But please, for the fact of passing on advice and also as I know you from on here and want you and everyone else to be safe, if anything ever happens similar, grab the nearest bouncer, grab the nearest guy, step to the side, never step back and corner yourself. Don’t get aggressive or try and fight them off, get the nearest help you can see. Stay safe Jen, you and everyone else around us. And thankfully, the community we live in, most people have more respect than scum like Ginger
 

Thank you. The only thing that i could have done different was walk from him at the first advance but it didnt seem  appropriate at the time to be rude and chastise him for showing interest.. but then i just felt trapped after that not knowing what to do with myself and the situation. 

It was definately *** embarrassment and feeling awkward until it ultinately escalated

Il never use ***. Then he could say i was the aggressor or that he was assulted by me

I never want to have to lift my hand to anyone. 

I did not consciously realising i was backing off as much as i was until i seen how far away the pillar we originally stood at was. 

 

But the bar have phoned me and a lady is going to review the cctv footage for me and get back to me with how i wish to proceed. 

As embarrassing anf humiliating it is for me to admit that someone hurt me in this way.. 

I want them to know your actions to defend yourself are valid and acceptable

Your boundaries and no are and always should be respected

 

 

To put it into bdsm terms.. its like me calling safeword and someone ignoring that and carrying on. 

I did what i was supposed to. He didnt listen.

[Chloebear]

I’ve taught young people on how to deal with these kind of ***s, it was part of my previous job. I have to say there’s practical advice in here that is the standard for what you should do to try and get help and maintain distance or avoid escalating a situation. I’m trained in conflict management too (physical and verbal), I’ve taught it as well.

I think a key point here is this: there’s no judgement at all on what actions were taken at the time. The freeze response, the shock, all variables make each situation unpredictable. However, having a set of actions in your head to follow should something happen makes you more likely to recall them at a time of pressure.

Although women or indeed trans (who have highest risk of *** I believe) should not have to adapt behaviour because of predatory sexual behaviour, we all do and we take safety precautions to lower risk. We do the same with risk assessments or insurance. It is not to accept liability but that we know these things are possibilities and so we act in ways that protect us against worst case scenarios. Having an action plan to use is just a way to prepare.

I HATE that we still live in a world where this is the case, but we do.

Regardless, you could literally be having sex with someone, revoke consent and they would be expected to stop in the eyes of the law. So without shadow of a doubt, he was wrong. But if by sharing this, it should happen again, you mayfreeze less, the advice serves a positive purpose. It certainly comes from a place of wanting your safety xx

[Deleted Member]

I agree Chloe, it’s sad that people still don’t understand that no means no.. I wish the world would wake the fuck up..

[Ju****]

22 minutes ago, Chloebear said:

I’ve taught young people on how to deal with these kind of ***s, it was part of my previous job. I have to say there’s practical advice in here that is the standard for what you should do to try and get help and maintain distance or avoid escalating a situation. I’m trained in conflict management too (physical and verbal), I’ve taught it as well.

I think a key point here is this: there’s no judgement at all on what actions were taken at the time. The freeze response, the shock, all variables make each situation unpredictable. However, having a set of actions in your head to follow should something happen makes you more likely to recall them at a time of pressure.

Although women or indeed trans (who have highest risk of *** I believe) should not have to adapt behaviour because of predatory sexual behaviour, we all do and we take safety precautions to lower risk. We do the same with risk assessments or insurance. It is not to accept liability but that we know these things are possibilities and so we act in ways that protect us against worst case scenarios. Having an action plan to use is just a way to prepare.

I HATE that we still live in a world where this is the case, but we do.

Regardless, you could literally be having sex with someone, revoke consent and they would be expected to stop in the eyes of the law. So without shadow of a doubt, he was wrong. But if by sharing this, it should happen again, you mayfreeze less, the advice serves a positive purpose. It certainly comes from a place of wanting your safety xx

Exactly this

I rejected his advances.

I went home with the other guy. That was my choice... i consented. I was happy and safe. Even during sexual stuff they check im ok or that theres not anything unwanted happening. Because that's exactly how you should behave and treat another person. 

 

If for some reason i was interested in Ginger and a sex situation happened.. imagine he became ***ful and i revoked that consent. I highly doubt he would have stopped  based off his behaviour the other night. 

I was safe with who i did choose and was familiar. Who was respectful and caring. 

 

Its amazing how much consent can completely change a vibe. A dynamic. A situation. A mood. Experience. How it can shape your whole evening. 

 

Honestly baffles me.how come dont listen to no. 

[Chloebear]

This is it: his sense of entitlement makes me doubt he’d respect consent in that situation too.

[Deleted Member]

I had an experience where the person I was with said “no”
We were making out, it was getting hot, and she said… no, let’s stop and cool down and think about this.

Hormones were raging for both of us. But she said no. So we stopped.

We talked about it, we talked about the apprehension she had with what we were coursing towards. And we were able to navigate through so many triggers she or I had just by stopping… recognizing that she was not comfortable in proceeding..

We resumed making out, but with clear definitions of things that helped her be more comfortable in what we were doing.

No means no guys. In the situation described by Jen, she said no many many times. In many ways.. it should have never escalated to that point. And the ginger needs to really man up and be accountable for his actions.

No means no, and if you remotely care about that person, stop, ask questions, and observe what happens.

[Ju****]

13 minutes ago, Chloebear said:

This is it: his sense of entitlement makes me doubt he’d respect consent in that situation too.

Exactly. Even though they are friends... ghoster is honorable  caring and respectful. Even if he is a dickhead he knows right from wrong and listens. 

 

The other.. knew from the get go that he was wrong. Approaching me when ghoster wasnt there etc. Hes never attempted anything like this when hes around. Before or after this altercation. So thats sly enough in my opinion too. 

But i made the right and safe choice in who i went home with.

I mean i could havr went bome alone but ghoster was familair and opportunity of a bit of intimacy which is what i needed and wanted . So it all worked out ok

 

But yeh. Not letting ginger near me again at all. And not letting him off the hook here. 

[Ju****]

4 minutes ago, Feral_MountianKing said:

I had an experience where the person I was with said “no”
We were making out, it was getting hot, and she said… no, let’s stop and cool down and think about this.

Hormones were raging for both of us. But she said no. So we stopped.

We talked about it, we talked about the apprehension she had with what we were coursing towards. And we were able to navigate through so many triggers she or I had just by stopping… recognizing that she was not comfortable in proceeding..

We resumed making out, but with clear definitions of things that helped her be more comfortable in what we were doing.

No means no guys. In the situation described by Jen, she said no many many times. In many ways.. it should have never escalated to that point. And the ginger needs to really man up and be accountable for his actions.

No means no, and if you remotely care about that person, stop, ask questions, and observe what happens.

Yeh its very much a different setting. With you guys having shared a kiss and with open expressed interest in one another 

All that wasnt present here.

I woulf always communicate with a partner should i be intimate with them and not want to do soemthing and let them know if that boundary shifts.

 

As i explained to chloe there.. i went home with someone else. Who i was intimate/sexual with. There was things that came up and i was like dont ye put that there (im sure youtr filthy mind can decipher hahah) and he was like is anything allowed or all a no.. so i said what was ok and we carried on. 

That's how consent works. If i had of said no.. nothing there.. he would have honoured my request and been respectful. 

I doubt ginger would have listened if it was him in that position with me (which it wasnt anf never ever would be)

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Finally_Jen said:

Yeh its very much a different setting. With you guys having shared a kiss and with open expressed interest in one another 

All that wasnt present here.

I woulf always communicate with a partner should i be intimate with them and not want to do soemthing and let them know if that boundary shifts.

 

As i explained to chloe there.. i went home with someone else. Who i was intimate/sexual with. There was things that came up and i was like dont ye put that there (im sure youtr filthy mind can decipher hahah) and he was like is anything allowed or all a no.. so i said what was ok and we carried on. 

That's how consent works. If i had of said no.. nothing there.. he would have honoured my request and been respectful. 

I doubt ginger would have listened if it was him in that position with me (which it wasnt anf never ever would be)

So.. I need a brief description… and a location..
I’ma pummel…

[Go****]

Jen, I don't have the words or spoons to comment on this situation, I know you don't want or need sympathy and you've had plenty of advice, good or bad. So, I'm just going to leave you a 💜 

Know I'm thinking of you 😘

[Deleted Member]

Jen don't  judge your self you are the victim and as I am not in a good place at min do not  take this The  wrong way but next time  if time call me  and say qrf required and were you are ,you are part of my unit I won't let my unit take this crap of anyone 

Edited August 3, 2022 by Deleted Member

[Chloebear]

I know as feminists etc we aren’t supposed to want to be rescued and have men go all RAWR on our behalf… but…. Thank you to the protective guys on here (love you Daddy 💕). They’re all friends being protective and my thinking mind doesn’t want any of you to go full Hulk but my heart still feels better for the protective Dom army that’s assembling. Sorry feminist values.

[Pimp-nasty]

Hey Jen as a person I am generally more aggressive than most. Once you shrugged should of been hit enough. Sounds like you being a good friend led him one. His mind saw things wrong. That and most men can't handle any rejection gay or straight.  "Consent means consent and if I'm 45, and have adapted tell homie your gonna #metoo his think as. Because that's what men die

there hair in Philly.