Desperate for that Dominant other???

[saphy]

Just a fleeting thought....as a submissive, I know firsthand the need for Dominance within our lives... (the same can be said for the D types out there who are searching for their ideal 's' type).....but I also recall how intense the need was to learn and to satiate that need for knowledge....maybe this post is to part with some invaluable advice...a 'been there, done that' kinda moment....

 

If you're struggling to find that missing piece at this moment in time, don't become desperate and frustrated by it...maybe revert your focus to finding a 'mentor'...

Mentors are different from actually being within a dynamic. A mentors role is to solely be that 'D' type personna that's required but are there purely to nurture the submissiveness nothing more.

There shouldn't be an expectation of sexual interactions (within D/s..M/s this isn't a priority) but if there IS a need for servitude and obedience and you're new to the lifestyle, I would urge anyone to first seek a mentor.

As long as you're focused on your growth at all times, whether that be alone or under the hand of another...then all is not lost....blessed paths 💜 

saphy x

[ElleFire]

Saphy, this is just what I needed to hear. Wise advice. I'm 3 days into my explorations and have So. Many. Questions!

[Ol_Sparky]

An interesting article clearly thought out Saph and I totally agree with you that sex is the least important element in a mentoring situation but to be fair sex is secondary in a D/s relationship anyway (I've had several where sex was banned completely). However, there are occasions (and particularly when mentoring a couple where the man wants to learn how to become a dominant) where sex may be necessary to demonstrate how to overcome the submisive or as a humiliation tool (if you'll excuse the pun).

[Ol_Sparky]

An interesting article clearly thought out Saph and I totally agree with you that sex is the least important element in a mentoring situation but to be fair sex is secondary in a D/s relationship anyway (I've had several where sex was banned completely). However, there are occasions (and particularly when mentoring a couple where the man wants to learn how to become a dominant) where sex may be necessary to demonstrate how to overcome the submisive or as a humiliation tool (if you'll excuse the pun).

[saphy]

On 10/16/2018 at 12:31 PM, saphy said:

There shouldn't be an expectation of sexual interactions (within D/s..M/s this isn't a priority) but if there IS a need for servitude and obedience and you're new to the lifestyle, I would urge anyone to first seek a mentor.

Hi sparky 😊 and that's why I said there 'shouldn't be an expectation of sexual interactions'....sometimes, as part of a submissives training... (dependant on the Dominant) there are rare occasions where They will need to decipher what reactions a submissive will have to certain situations. After all,  there's no point in punishing the submissive with something that they enjoy is there lol...

there's loads of different mentoring dynamics....but the key word there is 'mentoring'. Above all else everything that commences throughout training is consensual and clarified and the submissive is free to speak at will. Only clear communication will do. A good understanding to have when entering a D/s or M/s dynamic.

Edited October 18, 2018 by saphy

[Gingerluv]

Oh this is actually just what I could do with having. A mentor to help me serve Sir well. If anyone would like to mentor me please do!

[Subdomstew]

I'm switch recently realizing I am more into being dominated by a fem. I'm male I was wondering if any females be interested in mentoring me into this

[VictoriaBlisse]

As an addition, you may be able to find mentors at your local dungeons/BDSM clubs. Often the house Dom/mes at these places are happy to take on a mentoring role for newbies. This way you know you're getting involved with someone who knows their shit. A mentor is a great thing, but don't jump into any kind of relationship like this without checking the person out first and always follow your instincts. 

[Bobbybigballs]

On 10/16/2018 at 12:31 PM, saphy said:

Just a fleeting thought....as a submissive, I know firsthand the need for Dominance within our lives... (the same can be said for the D types out there who are searching for their ideal 's' type).....but I also recall how intense the need was to learn and to satiate that need for knowledge....maybe this post is to part with some invaluable advice...a 'been there, done that' kinda moment....

 

If you're struggling to find that missing piece at this moment in time, don't become desperate and frustrated by it...maybe revert your focus to finding a 'mentor'...

Mentors are different from actually being within a dynamic. A mentors role is to solely be that 'D' type personna that's required but are there purely to nurture the submissiveness nothing more.

There shouldn't be an expectation of sexual interactions (within D/s..M/s this isn't a priority) but if there IS a need for servitude and obedience and you're new to the lifestyle, I would urge anyone to first seek a mentor.

As long as you're focused on your growth at all times, whether that be alone or under the hand of another...then all is not lost....blessed paths 💜 

saphy x

Hey am new here. Am 30 yo and just had my first experience of being a dominant with an older women last weekend. Now I really enjoyed it but as my first time I really dident know home to take the lead and she weelllll has to tell me how to go about it. I would like to rock her to the back bone but how could I do this in this way. Also I’d like to be dominated and treated like a bad little boy that needs to learn the ropes. High heals and suspenders are a real turn on how do I find people with the same sexual tastes as me with out paying for sex 

[ey****]

18 hours ago, Bobbybigballs said:

 how do I find people with the same sexual tastes as me with out paying for sex 

at a munch or fetish event.

mind, just because people there have their same interests, doesn't mean they'll automatically be interested in you.