New but old :S

[Deleted Member]

Hi all. So my partner and I have been togethere now for 6 years, we have children together and love each other...

I personally have always fantasised about a D/S relationship but it jist hasnt ever played out... until recently where a jelous incident caised my partner to become rather dominating and demanding that I belong to him and only him... from this spurred a very new world of sex for us both.

I have since found out this has also been a fantasy of his for a long time also but neither of us have experienced it with another person before, or discussed/ acted on it until now.

It has been just over a month where all sexual activity has worked around our new found love for bdsm but its so strange and I have so many questions!!!!

In our home I am the planner, organiser, rule maker, cleaner and mother as well as working full time, my partner also works full time and mans the kitchen... however my role reverses in the bedroom, I am a submissive, and I believe a masochist, I love to be bound and I am his slave/little one. He is the Daddy Dom, he enjoys inflicting *** and tying me up. Without going into too much detail we seem to mesh together so well and he seems to enjoy all the things that I do!

My worry is we are both so new, will it work when neither of us is experienced at all and were both just going on instinct? 

I dont feel the need for a safe word as I trust him 100% and dont think theres anything I wouldnt do should he ask me... but he has insisted on one... I have had to discuss some issues I have had regarding anal play but these have been quickly resolved (he was using a solid vibrator) and I have bought him some anal probers and dildos... so learning curves. 

So heres some questions.. if anyone has gotten this far and can answer any of them.

1. Do you think this will work?

2. Could it be possible that he is jist a natural Dominant and knows what he is doing regardless of it being new

3. If I am a masochist does that mean I dont find things ***ful at all? Because I do wince amd flinch and cry out, and have come close to tears, but it also turns me on, the ***, the control he has, the marks he leaves, all of it... so basically is this masochism or jist wanting to please my Daddy?

4. So far this has not escaped the bedroom on a weekend when we both work late and children at at grandparents... is it likely to progress or is it perfectly sustainable for me to be dominent in family life yet submissive in the vedroom?

5. Should I ask him if he has, like me, looked online for advice and guidance? And if he hasnt should I suggest it?

6. Anyone who has a weekend only D/S relationship, are you happy switching on and off? As I find tge entire week I am thinking about him constantly to the point where I feel like I am obsessing over him, like friday night cant come soon enough!! 

7. Please tell me it is always this exciting... I cant bear the thought of us losing interest!! 

 

Thank you if you jave read this far :)

[Deleted Member]

15 hours ago, Cr3ative said:

1. Do you think this will work?

I certainly think it could :) 

2. Could it be possible that he is jist a natural Dominant and knows what he is doing regardless of it being new?

There's always things to learn. Safe places to hit for impact play, how to do breath play safely, how to use restraints and not cause *** etc etc etc . Dominance might be natural, but you need to practice and learn to practise most if not all BDSM activities. 

3. If I am a masochist does that mean I dont find things ***ful at all? Because I do wince amd flinch and cry out, and have come close to tears, but it also turns me on, the ***, the control he has, the marks he leaves, all of it... so basically is this masochism or jist wanting to please my Daddy?

I'm a masochist and I really find things ***ful...but I like that. I love that in fact, it can be orgasmic. It's not about not feeling ***, it's about enjoying the ***.  :)

4. So far this has not escaped the bedroom on a weekend when we both work late and children at at grandparents... is it likely to progress or is it perfectly sustainable for me to be dominent in family life yet submissive in the vedroom?

Totally sustainable as is, but up to you if you want to change it.

5. Should I ask him if he has, like me, looked online for advice and guidance? And if he hasnt should I suggest it?

Yes, I think that's wise. Maybe if he's not looked up anything you can say 'I saw X thing online and it was really useful, let me send you the link!' so you're being helpful and it won't come across (as it might) as criticism. 

6. Anyone who has a weekend only D/S relationship, are you happy switching on and off? As I find tge entire week I am thinking about him constantly to the point where I feel like I am obsessing over him, like friday night cant come soon enough!! 

Everyone does it differently, but I know people happily switch into D/s at certain points and switch off at others. 

7. Please tell me it is always this exciting... I cant bear the thought of us losing interest!! 

I can't say for you...but all I keep getting is more curious and find more exciting things to do!

 

 

[Jon215]

Yes, you need a safe word. This is for his own peace of mind as much as your safety.

[ey****]

 

first off - this is a really nice story to hear - and I wish you the best of luck.  It's how me and my wife started and many others have similar-ish stories

in answer to questions from my view.

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1. Do you think this will work?

I think it sounds pretty positive so far.  There are things you will both need to learn pretty quickly and by that I mean that... you will make mistakes. That is one or both of you. And it's OK. It's just about knowing this is OK and bouncing back from this so you both want to continue.

There will be challenges ahead but lots of exciting times.  You may also find that despite being together for so long that your communication together plays out strongly.

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2. Could it be possible that he is jist a natural Dominant and knows what he is doing regardless of it being new

It may be if he has had similar fantasies that he's already watched certain porn or read certain things or whatever.   However, nobody "just knows" how to do things.  I'd definitely recommend online guides and resources.   Local munches, workshops and events can be handy - and (having checked your location) you're fairly well placed.  Now you don't HAVE to go to these, but if there's time and whatever it's a good way to meet others with similar stories.

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3. If I am a masochist does that mean I dont find things ***ful at all? Because I do wince amd flinch and cry out, and have come close to tears, but it also turns me on, the ***, the control he has, the marks he leaves, all of it... so basically is this masochism or jist wanting to please my Daddy?

could be either but generally masochists are turned on by the ***.  In some ways, don't overthink things - just enjoy what you like because you feel you like it.  

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4. So far this has not escaped the bedroom on a weekend when we both work late and children at at grandparents... is it likely to progress or is it perfectly sustainable for me to be dominent in family life yet submissive in the vedroom?

you have an exciting future together of endless possibility.  Who knows.  And yes - it's perfectly sustainable to have different "roles" your family or society "role" does not represent your D/s so don't worry about that.  And also, there are many others like you in a similar boat, so it's not unusual - you can make it work :)

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5. Should I ask him if he has, like me, looked online for advice and guidance? And if he hasnt should I suggest it?

yes and yes - it's a good way if nothing else to pick up new ideas :)

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6. Anyone who has a weekend only D/S relationship, are you happy switching on and off? As I find tge entire week I am thinking about him constantly to the point where I feel like I am obsessing over him, like friday night cant come soon enough!! 

I feel there's no definite right ways - if you're finding it a struggle there's a good chance there's also a little sub-frenzy kicking in.  I don't want to fuel this by pointing out all the exciting possibilities for your future  - but, knowing what it is and how to enjoy it helps.

 

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7. Please tell me it is always this exciting... I cant bear the thought of us losing interest!! 

there'll be ups and downs

but... there'll always be new ideas to try.  There are a whole world of first times ahead of you.

[Deleted Member]

Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions.. I just want to make it work and hoping a little dabble online will give me some needed knowlege to do just that.

[ey****]

you'll read and watch a lot of things - some things won't be for you - some things will make you go oooo and be worth looking into further.  You'll read things you agree with and things you disagree with - you will also possibly end up at some point taking advice that wasn't the best (tying in with the above, it's bouncing back and not letting it put you off) remember of course there is no one-true-right-way (albeit, some wrong ways) and if someone tells you you're doing it wrong, if you're happy then they're probably the ones who are wrong.