Vanilla Sex and BDSM desires

[Do****]

My vanilla wife doesn’t want any dom/sub. I have tried a lot. Every Sunday we end up in the same missionary position and she thinks she has a great sex life. We are in a happy marriage of 22 years. I don’t really want to talk to her about it and take her out of her bubble as I feel it would not go down well. Does anyone share this experience and how did you resolve this dilemma 🤔?

[ge****]

Whilst you may not want to talk to her about it - that is actually your only option that doesn't go behind her back.
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Have you actually talked to her about sex at all - not dom/sub, but generally? Talked to her about what *her* fantasies might be? Told her that you'd like something more than missionary just once a week?
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You don't have to go full on whips and chains, just talk to her about how it might be nice to spice things up a little without making it about kink, but perhaps finding things that are mutually agreeable to try?
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Ultimately if you don't talk to her, you'll never know for sure how she feels or what might be an option - so it really is a good place to start, and the key is finding the right way to talk about it, not making it all about you and what you want, but understanding her and what she may want too.
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Now it may be that she's not particularly sexual and is perfectly happy with what you have now and doesn't want anything more, and if so then you have to accept that, but until you have that discussion you'll never know.

[Deleted Member]

Some are scared of kink, but I fully agree with just finding out one or two of her other sexual interests and bringing them into focus. Show her that kink is about new pleasures and experiences. Good luck!

[Do****]

Thanks for your great advice. I know communication is key. It’s just very hard when it’s an awkward topic with your most loved one ☺️

[ge****]

9 minutes ago, Domsub88 said:

Thanks for your great advice. I know communication is key. It’s just very hard when it’s an awkward topic with your most loved one ☺️

Thing is that awkwardness is often in our own heads and because of it we avoid raising the subject despite the potential it has to achieve what we want.
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The reality being that when we raise the subject it's not at all awkward and you then wonder why on earth you delayed so long.
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It doesn't have to be awkward either, obviously you have to pick your moment (in the middle of the weekly grocery shop is not it 🤣😂) but a simple "Have you got any unfulfilled fantasies?" while cuddling after one of those Sunday morning intimate sessions is a good starter and way to at least break the ice and gauge how a partner reacts.

[Deleted Member]

In a neutral setting ie not the bedroom ask her what turns her on. If she is vague or doesn't know. Ask her to explore and find out.

[Ki****]

No matter how hard it is you’ve got to be honest with yourself and your spouse if you can’t be honest with your spouse and you shouldn’t be with them because It’s hold you in a place where you can’t except the truth be truthful with your mate tell her how you feel love her like you’ve never loved anything and hopefully everything will work out but honesty is the best policy in every situation

[Deleted Member]

You need to talk to her bud…… it’s the only way I have been married 20 years and we had an ok sexual history to tell the truth but kids and life dose get in the way. Maybe jumping straight into dom/sub might not be the best idea take little steps 1st I know when we started exploring we go for long walks in the woods the seek off to a dark corner and have a little fumble by a tree 🌲.. take things slow and things will improve

[Do****]

Thank you all for your great advice- I will work on improving my communication 😊

[Da****]

If you want to approach this topic casually, you can also watch a racy movie with some well done BDSM content and then talk about it... Ask her if it was racy and exciting for her and take it from there