Suggestions for improving my account

[Deleted Member]

I know part of the reason not many are messaging is because of my age and me being not so good looking but I also know another reason is my profile is definitely not doing me any favors. Does anyone have any suggestions for either improving my profile, my looks, or anything else you feel will help me get more people interested in me?

[ch****]

Improve your SMV - Sexual Market Vaule. Search it on YouTube. How's your texting game? You say you're looking for Fun - that type of comments only works on Chad and you are not one of them.

Since joining this account. I've taken around 40 to 45 numbers. All have been flakes, despite the age differences. My point being is - you can't force attraction.

You'd think someone who's 35 and older would have their shit together but they're as useless as 18 and 19 year old.

Also

I don't know why all the guys go for older women? Most, if not. All have been damaged. Avoid at all costs.

My advice

Go gym
Get better at texting
Improve your job
What's your height?
Get hobbies

Honestly, I'm not having a go at you. I don't think women understand how the world works in terms of Men online dating. It's a job CV that you're putting in because women have been inflated by their egos due to simps and online Market.

[ro****]

Take out the "bored and looking for fun"
To me, it's always a bit of a nope when I read it (including in ads), it kind of connotes you're just here cause you have nothing better to do and the relationships you form are of no value. Also potentially the inability to entertain yourself through interesting hobbies?

Your profile is an introduction to you. Explain what you are like as a Dom. What are some of your kinks?

Explain what you're like outside of the bedroom. What are some of your interests?
It gives people a reason to feel connected, and offers a starting point/openings for conversation.

You might also like to state what you're looking for. What type of sub? Ddlg? Masochistic? Slave?
A relationship? Fwb? Open to it all?

I'll make no comment on appearances, I don't believe in commenting on what people can't change. Just make sure your photos are reflective of you, with genuine smiles (unless you're actually going for seductive), hobbies you enjoy, or where you are dressed in your authentic style.

[ge****]

You're right your profile doesn't help you and being very blunt reads exactly as I'd expect a 19 year old's profile to read, which is like that of someone who stumbled across the site full of fantasy ideas and thought they'd jot them down.
.
It's fine you're inexperienced, but you need to put that across in such a way as to show despite that inexperience you've actually given some thought to this lifestyle and your place in it, and have some knowledge of it at a theoretical level.
.
As it stands it just reads as fantasy material and in places is quite derogatory and juvenile in places.

[an****]

I would add more to you profile, what you are looking for. Even if it’s just fun, say that. But as mentioned before the “bored” part is just going to deter people. If you are looking to explore day that.

I would also remove any pictures that aren’t of you now. The ones where you look way younger are not going to do anything for anyone on here.

[lo****]

I am going to try to give you my input. If I come across as being mean at any point, please understand that is not my intention.

The first thing I will mention has to do with your photos. The majority of women have 0% interest in your fishing trip pictures. Here, and other dating sites. While there ARE some who will like them, you are better off taking pictures of interesting tree out croppings on a hike, than a fish.

Second, you are 19. While I see SOME mention of wanting to have someone show you the ropes, you seem to think you have experience as a Dom. The things you list as qualifiers *I* as a sub do not find comfort in, or reassuring me that you DO indeed have an idea about what being a Dom actually involves. There are many many inexperienced subs, as well as Doms just trying to figure things out, and VERY unfortunately taking their direction from porn, or worse yet 50 Shades of Grey.

You also don't say much at all in your description that as a sub, I find comfort in you not just being a horny dude who wants to get his rocks off, and a power trip while you are at it.

If *I* were to have received an inbox from you, I would not have sent any replies.

[Li****]

Have some confidence in yourself and use photos that are meant for this app. It shows a little effort on your part and that goes a long way!

[ey****]

There are LOADS of resources on the wider web for writing good profiles - but still
 

The whole "bored and horny" approach is a dead fish.  Strangers aren't interested in dropping everything to entertain you because you're bored

Your honesty in lack of experience is good - but then you go on and talk about offering to try kinks with others - how can you do this if you lack experience?

Some of your looking for is all over the place - and - also not entirely so important as of what exactly it is you offer ?  You repeat a few times that people should give you a chance, but there's no suggestion this is at all worth their while.

If your kink experience is limited, then, build connections in other areas. What are you other interests? How else would you connect with others?  Relationships where kink is the only thing in common can be difficult, you do have to spend some time doing/discussing other things!

 

[Deleted Member]

To be honest I don’t really receive many messages either. Could be your area and distance which has been a problem for me. Definitely work on your confidence as well. I agree with a lot of the advice you’ve been given in the comments as well. Good luck in your search bro.

[ro****]

1 hour ago, locketheart said:

I am going to try to give you my input. If I come across as being mean at any point, please understand that is not my intention.

The first thing I will mention has to do with your photos. The majority of women have 0% interest in your fishing trip pictures. Here, and other dating sites. While there ARE some who will like them, you are better off taking pictures of interesting tree out croppings on a hike, than a fish.

Second, you are 19. While I see SOME mention of wanting to have someone show you the ropes, you seem to think you have experience as a Dom. The things you list as qualifiers *I* as a sub do not find comfort in, or reassuring me that you DO indeed have an idea about what being a Dom actually involves. There are many many inexperienced subs, as well as Doms just trying to figure things out, and VERY unfortunately taking their direction from porn, or worse yet 50 Shades of Grey.

You also don't say much at all in your description that as a sub, I find comfort in you not just being a horny dude who wants to get his rocks off, and a power trip while you are at it.

If *I* were to have received an inbox from you, I would not have sent any replies.

The second part of this is actually quite a good point I had trouble capturing (once I found the actual profile, all the way down the bottom :) Just to let you know all your ads show first so how you come across in those is also really worth considering :) ).

Your profile has a bit of back and forth. You say you're experienced, then inexperienced and wanting someone to show you the ropes.

From the attitudes your profile currently communicates, and your indication of only being involved in online dynamics, I would probably call you inexperienced. Experience is of course relative, and what some would classify as experienced others would not. I do think many would agree you have less practice than other Dom's (and that's okay!)

It's not taboo to be inexperienced. In many ways it's wonderful, as you have so many things to discover still, and so many firsts yet to come.

The critical point is acknowledging your experience realistically.

The biggest fear I have as a sub is making myself vulnerable to someone who is not safe. There are many reasons this may be. Inability to realise your own limits is one. Disregard to the wellbeing and mentality of your partner is another. Sometimes inexperience does make you a little more of a risk for a sub, because you might not be able to respond to certain situations adequately. You will learn with time, of course, but while you learn it's important the sub knows so they can take precautions to be safe.

Be honest in your communication. It's really important to acknowledge what skills you have and what needs to be developed.

On that note, do some reading. Not porn (watched or written - Whatpad etc is often equally bad) Look at kink blogs. Read blogs written by Dom's, blogs not about controlling the sub but comforting them. Blogs that look at body language. Blogs which look at the mentality. Also read blogs from the perspective of the sub !!!
Understand BDSM, and all the ways in which it is not serving out a fantasy, but serving others. Regardless of your role it is rarely exclusively about yourself, and all about your partner.

You mention you are really dominant. That's fine. But consider how you are dominant, and what it offers your subs, or how it may scare them away. We all like different things, but we all want to be safe.


Also, I do really want to thank you for having the courage to post and ask for help. I hope you can take the feedback on in a meaningful way and it can help better you as a Dom.

I also hope it does not hit your confidence beyond what is necessary, feedback is often harsh.

[ey****]

As a slide aside

there is no such thing as a perfect profile

this is something which sucks in some ways - but your profile is a piece of the puzzle.  Your attitude and interactions can go a long way.

And that is two fold, that, a poor approach wastes a good profile.  But, people are a lot more accommodating to inexperience if there is a good attitude and if they can see an effort to learn and grow.  

[ge****]

Another point worth bearing in mind - your profile needs to reflect you and come from you, otherwise it just becomes a deceit and a mask for who you really are, so whilst there are some general pointers like those already given - it's down to you, and you alone to truly get it right and paint an accurate picture of yourself.

[Deleted Member]

You look great, and your age is much to your advantage. Very few people have any luck on here.

[Deleted Member]

Thanks all for the advice tho idk how much confidence I can have after all that 😅

I'll definitely be taking a break from all this to reevaluate my approach, if I do make another

[Deleted Member]

Hi, TBH everything that has been said seems to all be pointing you in the correct direction. But my opinion are a bit more specific.
1. Stay away from profiles that mention brat or who’s test is very hi in the brat category.
2. Don’t pursue an age gap greater than 10 years. If they are interested in your age group let them find you.
3. Most American and Canadian lady’s between 18 and 30 have NO CLUE what a dominant man is nor what men look for in women. This will make them seem non submissive at times. Behavior patterns are more trusted than what they say. Once patterns and words merge into a coherent story then the words matter more than patterns.
4. Until you get to know your sub really well, assume two things about what she says. Her words are often driven by her feelings. Or she is telling you what she wants, which is often based on meeting an unmet emotional need.
5. This is a world wide “marketplace” that caters to women. Which means even if she is local and shows interest, you are unknowningly in competition for her attention. Even women that you think are rather plain or uninteresting can get a lot of attention. You can’t compete with an older Dom with money, affluence, and power. Nor should you. Be in competition with yourself and put yourself on a path of continuous growth. Then highlight the positive aspects that you work on.

[ch****]

If a women is being blunt, nobody bats an eye but if its an unattractive man, everyone loses their mind...

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, Lilivorydoll said:

Have some confidence in yourself and use photos that are meant for this app. It shows a little effort on your part and that goes a long way!

As in what kind of photos?

[Deleted Member]

DONT QUIT… It gets easier!
👊💜👊

[CopperKnob]

I'm going to take a different approach simply because I've seen your status suggesting that your confidence has taken a knock since posting this (even though scanning through the comments I can't see that anyone's been rude). I also see that you've changed your bio since posting but, it could still be improved...
.
1. Your profile tells us nothing about you. Who are you? Give us a snippet in your bio.
.
2. Why are you here, we get that you're bored but this isn't FB, why Fet and not other dating sites? What brought you here specifically?
.
3. Who are you looking to meet, if anyone?
.
4. Remove the fact that you're inexperienced in kink. That's not an issue. What's important is that you know who you are, what you want, where you want to be, that you acknowledge that you've got a lot of experiences to have
.
5. Reconsider your photo's. Are they the best representation of you? Most won't go on looks but personality and that only really comes across in you bio/messages/activity in the forums/chat rooms so yeah, also start commenting on forum posts
.
6. Give some information, do not give everything away in your profile. If you're going to start a conversation with someone here, they will check out your profile. Make sure that there's something there that will help spark and continue conversation. Carrying a conversation is hard work for both sides
.
7. Bottom line, you have to put in the effort to sell yourself. Your profile is the Ted Baker dress in the window, it has to be nice/interesting enough to make me walk in the shop to get a closer look/try it on for size

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, ropebrat4u said:

The second part of this is actually quite a good point I had trouble capturing (once I found the actual profile, all the way down the bottom :) Just to let you know all your ads show first so how you come across in those is also really worth considering :) ).

Your profile has a bit of back and forth. You say you're experienced, then inexperienced and wanting someone to show you the ropes.

From the attitudes your profile currently communicates, and your indication of only being involved in online dynamics, I would probably call you inexperienced. Experience is of course relative, and what some would classify as experienced others would not. I do think many would agree you have less practice than other Dom's (and that's okay!)

It's not taboo to be inexperienced. In many ways it's wonderful, as you have so many things to discover still, and so many firsts yet to come.

The critical point is acknowledging your experience realistically.

The biggest fear I have as a sub is making myself vulnerable to someone who is not safe. There are many reasons this may be. Inability to realise your own limits is one. Disregard to the wellbeing and mentality of your partner is another. Sometimes inexperience does make you a little more of a risk for a sub, because you might not be able to respond to certain situations adequately. You will learn with time, of course, but while you learn it's important the sub knows so they can take precautions to be safe.

Be honest in your communication. It's really important to acknowledge what skills you have and what needs to be developed.

On that note, do some reading. Not porn (watched or written - Whatpad etc is often equally bad) Look at kink blogs. Read blogs written by Dom's, blogs not about controlling the sub but comforting them. Blogs that look at body language. Blogs which look at the mentality. Also read blogs from the perspective of the sub !!!
Understand BDSM, and all the ways in which it is not serving out a fantasy, but serving others. Regardless of your role it is rarely exclusively about yourself, and all about your partner.

You mention you are really dominant. That's fine. But consider how you are dominant, and what it offers your subs, or how it may scare them away. We all like different things, but we all want to be safe.


Also, I do really want to thank you for having the courage to post and ask for help. I hope you can take the feedback on in a meaningful way and it can help better you as a Dom.

I also hope it does not hit your confidence beyond what is necessary, feedback is often harsh.

Yeah I understand feedback is harsh and I did ask (which I did receive great advice) but I cannot lie, it 100% crushed any confidence I had. All this sorta turned me off from the whole bdsm community as a whole. Most the advice was completely change everything I've done so far, not a good confidence builder

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

I'm going to take a different approach simply because I've seen your status suggesting that your confidence has taken a knock since posting this (even though scanning through the comments I can't see that anyone's been rude). I also see that you've changed your bio since posting but, it could still be improved...
.
1. Your profile tells us nothing about you. Who are you? Give us a snippet in your bio.
.
2. Why are you here, we get that you're bored but this isn't FB, why Fet and not other dating sites? What brought you here specifically?
.
3. Who are you looking to meet, if anyone?
.
4. Remove the fact that you're inexperienced in kink. That's not an issue. What's important is that you know who you are, what you want, where you want to be, that you acknowledge that you've got a lot of experiences to have
.
5. Reconsider your photo's. Are they the best representation of you? Most won't go on looks but personality and that only really comes across in you bio/messages/activity in the forums/chat rooms so yeah, also start commenting on forum posts
.
6. Give some information, do not give everything away in your profile. If you're going to start a conversation with someone here, they will check out your profile. Make sure that there's something there that will help spark and continue conversation. Carrying a conversation is hard work for both sides
.
7. Bottom line, you have to put in the effort to sell yourself. Your profile is the Ted Baker dress in the window, it has to be nice/interesting enough to make me walk in the shop to get a closer look/try it on for size

Thank you for the advice and it's not that anyone was being rude, more I just didn't expect how much I had done wrong and how basically everything I did was wrong. With everyone saying it, it just hurt my confidence (and yes I know I did ask for it)

[ey****]

I'm sorry to hear this has knocked your confidence.  

I think however this is something to regroup a bit.  Because if a few suggestions on how to improve your account (especially as you did ask) has knocked your confidence - then - how are you going to feel if you get feedback after play and it's not the glowing report you're hoping for?

Improving is a continuous process.  ALL of us have something we can improve in one way or another (and SOME are doing something about it ) 

and kink in general - it is not a sprint it's a marathon.  A lot is going to take time. Time to learn, to grow, to build connections.   

Please do not be too disheartened but to take some of this as a kinda opportunity to regroup.

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, Hecks said:

DONT QUIT… It gets easier!
👊💜👊

Don’t quit dude. Confidence comes from experience, both bad and good. The more you stick yourself with the fishhook while learning the perfect knot, the more confidence you gain. Eventually you’re sitting on the boat in the dark tying the knot while the boat is rocking having the time of your life.

[Deleted Member]

7 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I'm sorry to hear this has knocked your confidence.  

I think however this is something to regroup a bit.  Because if a few suggestions on how to improve your account (especially as you did ask) has knocked your confidence - then - how are you going to feel if you get feedback after play and it's not the glowing report you're hoping for?

Improving is a continuous process.  ALL of us have something we can improve in one way or another (and SOME are doing something about it ) 

and kink in general - it is not a sprint it's a marathon.  A lot is going to take time. Time to learn, to grow, to build connections.   

Please do not be too disheartened but to take some of this as a kinda opportunity to regroup.

“Improving is a continuous process.” I am glad you said it like this. I was thinking the same thing and said it differently.

[Deleted Member]

My problem is how can I grow and become better if I can't gain experience