Suggestions for improving my account

[LustAndLogic]

You already received some good advice for improving your profile so I am not going to repeat the suggestions. However I would like to reassure you that it's totally normal to not receive a lot of messages as a male (Dom). As with every dating platform, there are many more males than females on here, so the women are flooded with messages while the guys struggle to get attention. That's just how it is! But unless you want to be a Casanova, what you should aim for is quality and not quantity. You will need a lot of patience and a high frustration tolerance though, because even if you are able to engage in a meaningful online discussion with someone, you are still at risk to be ghosted at any moment without any warning or explanation, even if you spent many hours talking about very personal stuff with someone. It happened to me many times and it can be utterly frustrating and also very hurtful sometimes, but there's nothing you can do about it, this is just the way online dating works nowadays. Ghosting was less of an issue in the early days of online romance (at least as I remember it) but in this era of severely reduced attention spans and instant gratification, many girls become bored very quickly, have extremely high expectations and zero margin for error, and are always hoping to find yet a better option around the next corner. It's therefore a good idea to go for a coffee together as soon as possible, since it is much easier to 'feel' the other person and to build a trustful and resilient relationship when you are meeting them in person.

[CopperKnob]

48 minutes ago, Kaden22 said:

Thank you for the advice and it's not that anyone was being rude, more I just didn't expect how much I had done wrong and how basically everything I did was wrong. With everyone saying it, it just hurt my confidence (and yes I know I did ask for it)

Try and reframe your thought process, you recognised that something wasn't working and you asked for advice. People who've been here a while have seen this type of post numerous times. Often, the poster doesn't return to take on board the advice given, that's another strength.
If you decide to take a break to re-evaluate/re-group/return at a later date having made some changes that also shows signs of maturity and growth, same goes if you stick around and take on the advice given

[Deleted Member]

52 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I'm sorry to hear this has knocked your confidence.  

I think however this is something to regroup a bit.  Because if a few suggestions on how to improve your account (especially as you did ask) has knocked your confidence - then - how are you going to feel if you get feedback after play and it's not the glowing report you're hoping for?

Improving is a continuous process.  ALL of us have something we can improve in one way or another (and SOME are doing something about it ) 

and kink in general - it is not a sprint it's a marathon.  A lot is going to take time. Time to learn, to grow, to build connections.   

Please do not be too disheartened but to take some of this as a kinda opportunity to regroup.

I wouldn't say a few. I essentially have to completely change my profile in every way as nothing I've done is good enough. Also how do I gain confidence and experience if nobody will ever give me a chance?

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, london941297 said:

You look great, and your age is much to your advantage. Very few people have any luck on here.

How so? All I've experienced is that I'm too young

[Deleted Member]

42 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Try and reframe your thought process, you recognised that something wasn't working and you asked for advice. People who've been here a while have seen this type of post numerous times. Often, the poster doesn't return to take on board the advice given, that's another strength.
If you decide to take a break to re-evaluate/re-group/return at a later date having made some changes that also shows signs of maturity and growth, same goes if you stick around and take on the advice given

I guess, well I hope my bio is better but picture wise idk what to do. I hate how I look and have like zero pics of myself to use

[Deleted Member]

47 minutes ago, Kaden22 said:

I wouldn't say a few. I essentially have to completely change my profile in every way as nothing I've done is good enough. Also how do I gain confidence and experience if nobody will ever give me a chance?

How about:

Hi, my name is Kayden. New to the lifestyle looking to network and meet other kinksters. My main interests as a Dom is spanking, degrading sex talk, and finding a suitable slave. My limits are X, Y, Z. Let’s chat soon.

Simple, straight to the point, and sidesteps experience. Your age already speaks to experience level.

[ey****]

38 minutes ago, Kaden22 said:

I wouldn't say a few. I essentially have to completely change my profile in every way as nothing I've done is good enough. Also how do I gain confidence and experience if nobody will ever give me a chance?

So - people need to have reason to give you a chance.  

You know, normally I dispel some of the ratio related myths - but - imagine tomorrow that 100 guys all signed up for this site and all said the same thing. They were new, they were inexperienced, they deserved a chance.    Like, what makes the ones who get a chance stand out?

And that is how you create chances.  You learn what makes you stand out, and you apply it in what you do.

When it comes to kink - the internet as a whole is a wealth of knowledge.  From reading this forum (we've had numerous "I have no experience, how do I get experience" threads - look for some of them) or associated magazine articles, to looking up the threads which have book recommendations, to wider searches on the internet of blogs, sites, youtubers, so on.

There is so much resource to learn from and the more this grows your mind, the more it improves your understanding and the more it gives you stuff to talk about.   

Inexperience is less of a turnoff when it's someone that people can see are making an effort to be proactive and learn, without feeling they deserve someone's time.

The other alternative is to find your local community. Go to munches. Go to events. These are not hook-up, but every one you talk to has a story and it might not be a story for you but it's something that opens your understanding.   It might also, very well be, that somebody has something they can show you or teach you

There is zero reason not to use initiative. 

[ge****]

59 minutes ago, Kaden22 said:

I wouldn't say a few. I essentially have to completely change my profile in every way as nothing I've done is good enough. Also how do I gain confidence and experience if nobody will ever give me a chance?

But no-one will ever give you a chance just because you need a confidence boost or to gain experience either - so your point is fairly moot - a vicious circle I know, but it's true too.
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I don't think anyone on this thread has done anything other than offer constructive advice as to how you could improve things - some things, like your age, are outside of your control, but work out how you can turn that into a positive rather than dwelling on it as a disadvantage, one way to do so is focus on those of a similar age, rather than fantasy ideals of an older woman to teach you.
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Think about what it really is that interests you about the kink world, even after your changes your profile doesn't seem to know if you want to be a dominant, a submissive or something else entirely - forget any past on-line "relationships" too - it's one thing chatting in a chat room and meeting people for cybersex and quite another going beyond that.
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Once you've decided what truly interests you, get that down in writing and use it as the basis for your profile.
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Your age is definitely an advantage as you have your whole life ahead of you - it may mean you don't find what you're looking for now or even any time soon, but potentially it will be sooner than many of us oldies found kink and the pleasure it can offer.
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Don't give up hope, you can make something of all this, you just need to decide what "this" means to you and focus on it from there.

[ge****]

24 minutes ago, Kaden22 said:

I guess, well I hope my bio is better but picture wise idk what to do. I hate how I look and have like zero pics of myself to use

So take some then? These days of phones with cameras on them it really isn't difficult to do - if you're stuck for ideas, look round at other guys profiles for the type of thing you could do - doesn't even have to be "sexy" as such, just casual pics smartly dressed can work.

[Deleted Member]

21 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

So - people need to have reason to give you a chance.  

You know, normally I dispel some of the ratio related myths - but - imagine tomorrow that 100 guys all signed up for this site and all said the same thing. They were new, they were inexperienced, they deserved a chance.    Like, what makes the ones who get a chance stand out?

And that is how you create chances.  You learn what makes you stand out, and you apply it in what you do.

When it comes to kink - the internet as a whole is a wealth of knowledge.  From reading this forum (we've had numerous "I have no experience, how do I get experience" threads - look for some of them) or associated magazine articles, to looking up the threads which have book recommendations, to wider searches on the internet of blogs, sites, youtubers, so on.

There is so much resource to learn from and the more this grows your mind, the more it improves your understanding and the more it gives you stuff to talk about.   

Inexperience is less of a turnoff when it's someone that people can see are making an effort to be proactive and learn, without feeling they deserve someone's time.

The other alternative is to find your local community. Go to munches. Go to events. These are not hook-up, but every one you talk to has a story and it might not be a story for you but it's something that opens your understanding.   It might also, very well be, that somebody has something they can show you or teach you

There is zero reason not to use initiative. 

Idk I've sorta lost all hope at this point. How do I show someone I'm worht a chance if they don't even wanna talk to me. I get no matches, no conversation, nothing. Nobody cares and I'm sorta just done caring. I've tried my harderst and have had zero luck. Thanks for all your advice and help, I truly appreciate it

[lo****]

If no one truly cared, we would not have taken our time to write out responses on how to improve your profile. Smh.

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, Kaden22 said:

Idk I've sorta lost all hope at this point. How do I show someone I'm worht a chance if they don't even wanna talk to me. I get no matches, no conversation, nothing. Nobody cares and I'm sorta just done caring. I've tried my harderst and have had zero luck. Thanks for all your advice and help, I truly appreciate it

The matches here are an algorythym, no one is sitting about pressing, I'll match with this person, that person etc. Its based upon the BDSM quiz you have on your profile
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I'm going to really honest too, It's quite disappointing to read this latest comment. Lot's of people have given you lots of suggestions but ultimately, you've pushed back with the 'woe is me' approach. There's a sense of entitlement there too. Maybe you need to sit down and really consider what it is you want and then decide what you need to do to achieve that because I'll tell you the truth, whilst people have met their partners here, in nearly 2yrs, I've met just one person from Fet and they were the only person I've felt that I've had any connection with at all in a sense of more than friendship. It is hard going and sometimes we need to either be patient (you've been here 5mths) or change what we're doing.

[Deleted Member]

28 minutes ago, locketheart said:

If no one truly cared, we would not have taken our time to write out responses on how to improve your profile. Smh.

Just how I see it sorry you disagree

[Deleted Member]

55 minutes ago, locketheart said:

If no one truly cared, we would not have taken our time to write out responses on how to improve your profile. Smh.

Different generation dude

[ro****]

2 minutes ago, Daddy_Emo said:

Different generation dude

Not generational, rather a personal attribute. I share similar sentiment to Copperknob :)

[Deleted Member]

39 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

The matches here are an algorythym, no one is sitting about pressing, I'll match with this person, that person etc. Its based upon the BDSM quiz you have on your profile
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I'm going to really honest too, It's quite disappointing to read this latest comment. Lot's of people have given you lots of suggestions but ultimately, you've pushed back with the 'woe is me' approach. There's a sense of entitlement there too. Maybe you need to sit down and really consider what it is you want and then decide what you need to do to achieve that because I'll tell you the truth, whilst people have met their partners here, in nearly 2yrs, I've met just one person from Fet and they were the only person I've felt that I've had any connection with at all in a sense of more than friendship. It is hard going and sometimes we need to either be patient (you've been here 5mths) or change what we're doing.

While I disagree with you about the first part (people definitely see me pop up in that swipe portion of the app and skip me consistently) I promise you I'm not trying to do the as you put it "woe is me" approach. I'm just sick of being alone, I'm sick of not being good enough. You don't have to help, if I'm annoying you, if you're sick of me. Then just ignore me like all the rest. I thank you for your help you've given me, I've changed my bio, my goals on coming here, and I will be taking new pics soon. I've been doing this for longer than 5 months. I'm just done being a loney loser who isn't good enough

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, ropebrat4u said:

Not generational, rather a personal attribute. I share similar sentiment to Copperknob :)

I'm trying my best, I'm sorry that all my life girls have had zero interest in me and I'm just tired of it

[Go****]

Victim mentality is the biggest turn off!

Being a “Dom” one needs to have mind, body, spirit in alignment, growth mindset, and a considerable amount of healing work completed.

One doesn’t have the ability to lead anyone whether a relationship or in life if they are still in victim mentality/mindset.

My suggestion is to go into self reflection and ask yourself what is it I need to shift and adjust to become the best me so I can be a great partner for someone else.

I see a lot of young kids on here, yes kids (25 and under, as the frontal lobe of your brain isn’t fully developed until 25yrs old) who are claiming to be Doms. Most are still learning what life is about.

Shit there are people my age who don’t know themselves internally. It’s a journey, but until you break free of the victim mentality and step into growth mentality you will forever be in the mindset of “why me”, “woe is me”, “it is what it is”, “this is the way it’s always going to be”. And so on and so forth.

Start reading, start educating and start looking within. You cannot lead if you are of victim mentality! You have one shot in this life are you going to spend it bitching and complaining or are you going to take action and make it better for yourself because I’ll tell you what kid no one can change your life but you!

[Deleted Member]

47 minutes ago, ropebrat4u said:

Not generational, rather a personal attribute. I share similar sentiment to Copperknob :)

Who are you in this thread? You are replying to my reply… I was not insinuating that Kaden wouldn’t understand Locketheart. I was telling Locketheart that his communication style is different than Kadens.

In the future, express your feelings towards the person whom started thread. You having feelings over something that wasn’t directed to you is irrelevant and borders irrational.

[Deleted Member]

54 minutes ago, Goddess82 said:

Victim mentality is the biggest turn off!

Being a “Dom” one needs to have mind, body, spirit in alignment, growth mindset, and a considerable amount of healing work completed.

One doesn’t have the ability to lead anyone whether a relationship or in life if they are still in victim mentality/mindset.

My suggestion is to go into self reflection and ask yourself what is it I need to shift and adjust to become the best me so I can be a great partner for someone else.

I see a lot of young kids on here, yes kids (25 and under, as the frontal lobe of your brain isn’t fully developed until 25yrs old) who are claiming to be Doms. Most are still learning what life is about.

Shit there are people my age who don’t know themselves internally. It’s a journey, but until you break free of the victim mentality and step into growth mentality you will forever be in the mindset of “why me”, “woe is me”, “it is what it is”, “this is the way it’s always going to be”. And so on and so forth.

Start reading, start educating and start looking within. You cannot lead if you are of victim mentality! You have one shot in this life are you going to spend it bitching and complaining or are you going to take action and make it better for yourself because I’ll tell you what kid no one can change your life but you!

Slow 👏🏽. 👏🏽. 👏🏽. Ma’am you nailed it 💯. Belissimo 👌🏽

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Goddess82 said:

Victim mentality is the biggest turn off!

Being a “Dom” one needs to have mind, body, spirit in alignment, growth mindset, and a considerable amount of healing work completed.

One doesn’t have the ability to lead anyone whether a relationship or in life if they are still in victim mentality/mindset.

My suggestion is to go into self reflection and ask yourself what is it I need to shift and adjust to become the best me so I can be a great partner for someone else.

I see a lot of young kids on here, yes kids (25 and under, as the frontal lobe of your brain isn’t fully developed until 25yrs old) who are claiming to be Doms. Most are still learning what life is about.

Shit there are people my age who don’t know themselves internally. It’s a journey, but until you break free of the victim mentality and step into growth mentality you will forever be in the mindset of “why me”, “woe is me”, “it is what it is”, “this is the way it’s always going to be”. And so on and so forth.

Start reading, start educating and start looking within. You cannot lead if you are of victim mentality! You have one shot in this life are you going to spend it bitching and complaining or are you going to take action and make it better for yourself because I’ll tell you what kid no one can change your life but you!

You don't know me so don't act like you do. I appreciate the advice but I whole heartedly disagree. So if you would just stop.

[Deleted Member]

F**k me this has become a sh*t show. Look I appreciate everything everyone has said but I'm done. F**k everyone else's advice. I'll do it my way and I don't care what anyone else has to say.

[ge****]

4 hours ago, Kaden22 said:

F**k me this has become a sh*t show. Look I appreciate everything everyone has said but I'm done. F**k everyone else's advice. I'll do it my way and I don't care what anyone else has to say.

If you have that attitude, then honestly? You're beyond help and will continue to find nothing but frustration from the site.
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No-one, and I repeat no-one has been mean, or given anything but valid and valuable insight, opinion and advice on this thread - if you choose to ignore it then that's your choice, but will also be to your ultimate loss.
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It's not easy as a single male on sites like this, but it's even harder as a single male with an attitude, false expectations and a sense of entitlement who's not prepared to listen.
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What did you expect when you started this thread? People to say "There, there, never mind let me write your profile for you, and you know what I'll meet you to"?
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If you truly *want* to get something from the site you need to make the effort yourself, adjust your attitude and expectations and show people you're worthy of meeting.
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You say you've been here 5 months and got nothing from the site? I've been here over a year and haven't met a single person, and you know what? Doesn't bother me in the slightest, I've got a lot more from it.
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I wish you luck in your quest, but really think about what has been said to you and stop looking at it negatively and act based on the advice given.

[Submarkg]

I would get rid of the cat and fish ..dont involve ***s at all ..

[ey****]

FWIW

When I was 19 I was still a virgin, I'd had very few girlfriends or romantic interest, let alone a full D/s relationship

I did actually start going to fetish clubs when I was 19 and there was often someone who would show me something or do some form of play.  But to do that, I did have to kinda turn up and then people saw I was alright - and I'd shown I'd at least make the effort.

I did end up taking a break from fetish clubs - it was meant to be a short break but life got in the way... it was 2013 I came back to fetish communities (online and in real life) at all and there's a lot I've seen in these consistent 9 years.  From my own personal growth and opportunities - to how others have progressed.

There's people I know who were arseholes 9 years ago who have shown growth and now have sorted stuff out and have amazing partners

and there are those I knew from 9 years ago who have still shown zero growth and are just kinda muddling through, getting little more than the occasional bit pity play.

In 10 years time, you still won't even be 30 - that is younger than when I returned.  Whether you are more like person (a) or person (b) then is very much down to you and your attitude and what you take on board and what you do not

The same goes for anyone who presently is new or isn't quite getting what they want.