New to this

[Deleted Member]

New to this and don’t know anyone else to get advice from. How difficult is it to make a shift into this lifestyle later in life? I’m anxious yet so excited. Where do I start? Any and all assistance is appreciated!

[Deleted Member]

Hey there, welcome to the lifestyle. The simple answer is it doesn't matter how many laps of the sun you've done. It's more how deep you want to go and what you're looking for 😊

[ki****]

Its all about self love, and enjoyment, it is never too late. Obviously caution in any circumstance, make friends in your local kink community, read and ask… once you have gained a bit of knowledge, dip into it, it doesnt have ro be super advanced in the begining, remember you have to evolve at your own pace, find playmates who respect boundaries and remember safty first.

[Da****]

I’m in my 50’s and having an absolute ball! Stay respectful, communicate, be honest, attend events, be a sponge and ask questions. It may help to learn this new vocabulary first!🤣

[ge****]

Firstly welcome to both the site and the forums 😊
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Please don't worry, it's natural to be anxious and nervous, in fact if you weren't it would be a concern, it's also natural to be excited, but first piece of advice try not to let the excitement blind you to the dangers, and there are many.
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First off, be prepared to receive many offers both on this thread, and via your inbox, to "show you the ropes" (pun intended) - some of those may be genuinely intentioned, but many will be a path to suit the sender and not you.
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Where to start? Best place would be with a little self-reflection self-examination to find answers as to who you are, how you see yourself fitting into this lifestyle, the kind of person you'd hope to encounter, your boundaries and limits, how to be on your guard against the predators and ***rs, and how to recognise them and much more.
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I notice from your profile that you say you hope to discover your limits as you go along - but that's pretty much an open invite to those who will try and take advantage of you. There must be some things that are an absolute no for you - to give some extreme examples - would you indulge in ***? Would you be open to being cut? Would you shave your head? Would you have your face tattooed with the word SLUT? I'll lay a bet the answer is "No" to most if not all of those. The point being you really need to think about things like that and call them out.
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Likewise you need to think about the things you do think you'd enjoy or be willing to indulge in.
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As a submissive you need to know that it's absolutely fine to question others and to say no - anyone that says you have to do as they say without question because they're a dominant and you're a submissive is wrong - and doubly so if they're not your dominant but just another user who has contacted you.
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My advice to you would be to put aside any notion of meeting or playing until you are confident in yourself about both the lifestyle and what you expect from it - use the site to learn, read as much as you can on the subject, seek out blogs and books and questionnaires, even attend munches (socials for kinksters) and events to observe and interact with others with a view to increasing your own self-knowledge rather than playing.
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Take baby steps and go at your own pace, not that of others, and you won't go far wrong.
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Ask as much as you like in the forums, there are lots of good heads here who I am sure will be happy to provide advice and opinion and guidance.

[Do****]

Best advice move at your own pace

[ph****]

I would start with self-awareness. Really delve inside and find what makes you feel the most secure. One thing I stress with any sub that shows interest is that the most important honesty is self honesty. This is different from knowing your limits. Evaluate your needs and wants and always be upfront with yourself with what you’re looking for.

If you know what you’re looking for and you’re honest with yourself, the honesty with your partner will be easier. A byproduct is that when you know what you’re looking for, in earnest, you’re able to focus on the positives, instead of dwelling on the things that you’re not into.

Saying that, I’m not trying to imply that you should not be aware of the turn-offs (RACK) but focusing on what pleases you is far better than worrying about what you’re not into that someone may be looking for.

[Do****]

As long as everyone has fun at rhe end of the day!

[TK****]

To me it’s about discovering yourself and finding out what you like and who you are. And it evolves over time. It’s an adventure! Best of luck! And we’re all here for you :)

[Deleted Member]

I can’t figure it out. It seem like it’s all about preference and if kinks line up.

[ge****]

4 hours ago, SassynCute said:

I can’t figure it out. It seem like it’s all about preference and if kinks line up.

And essentially from a kink perspective that's what it is - however from any perspective all the norms of attraction, trust, respect, consideration etc also come into play regardless of the fact it's kink.
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There's obviously a lot more to it than that as I outlined in my previous post, but when it comes to finding others the above is what counts.

[Deleted Member]

My best advice would be to find your hard limits stick to them but still be open to try anything once the more you're willing to experience the easier it is to jump into this life and the more enjoyable it is just remember that no matter what anybody says no means no

[Be****]

Hello there new... I am a female submissive that transitioned at age 55 being pansexual/ bisexual and found the transition to be liberating and something I should have done long ago. I recommend reading up on it get familiar with the language and know what you want! Know your hard limits and be willing to explore. The lifestyle has much more to offer enjoy it!

[bl****]

I am new to the lifestyle. I’ve been doing a lot of reading and talking to my friends who are in the community. 😏 I’ve found it easier by finding out my own kinks and it’s been easier to talk to people.

[Si****]

Hi, one of my most devoted, creative and passionate subs was in her late 40’s when we met. She had just begun her journey of self awareness and her personal kinks. I had been in this life for over 15 years when we met. I should mention that she is more than 10 years older than I am.

I agree, find your hard limits. Find someone who is not a masked bully. Patience, being with someone who accepts your “newness” and relishes the joys that you discover and helps you discover more.

Trust is key. Go as slowly as you need to feel out what’s right for you. Walk away even just to pause and reevaluate if something feels wrong.

One of my greatest joys as a Dom is to watch the awakening of one who is searching for those things that make them feel being so alive for the first time.

It really is as much as what’s going on between your ears rather than just between your legs.

The sub I referred to: we are good friends, and play partners even though our daily lives take us in different directions, we have been together for 15 years.

We play with others on our own, sometimes with others together and we often just play with each other, but she shares her thoughts with me as I do with her and it has become a great relationship.

I say, trust yourself, be kind to yourself, set limits, be willing to stop a session when it doesn’t feel right, always have a way home, don’t let alcohol get in the way of making good decisions, and then dip your toe in !

[Si****]

I ended up finding out haphazardly with a partner of mine less than 10 years ago. I knew I was different a long time ago and didn’t know how to express it physically.
I have that now any it comes with always self learning and being truthful w yourself and your partner.

[su****]

Try going to events and meeting some people! You’ll find people in your area to chat with and it is all around a better place to be if you’re getting into bdsm. personally I have been very nervous to go especially by myself but I know it’s a great way to actually talk to someone in person who recognizes and understands the lifestyle.

[ey****]

There is someone I know who is in his 70s who did not start until mid 60s

there's no real upper limits - it's basically about what you do with any time and resources

[Chadbiggs]

It can happen any time any age. Just embrace it and explore however you choose.
I had to be honest and lost my partner when I came to realization
But you have to be true to yourself

[MrJim]

If you can’t meet similar interested people read about it as much as possible, it will give you the courage to go out and try, and then learn

[gl****]

Same here