Ae**** Posted December 1, 2022 Posted December 1, 2022 Hey. Saw a post of someone leaving the app. The thread mentioned a few sad things about the nature of Fet itself. I had a few thoughts on it :) I realised very quickly upon joining up that, for me, I had to totally disengage from some areas because OMG the negativity is depressing, it's infectious. I do my best to try not to get involved for my own peace of mind đ My personal experience is the energy is pretty horrible in some areas. It's like a high school - with leaders and bullying, and a mob mentality. Indeed, this has pushed away thoughtful, kind people from contributing to discussions, and from the app itself entirely. I've privately talked about it myself with some of them. There's a cast of regular characters we see who are the main engine drivers for what we feel is a toxic, unhealthy, unhappy, vindictive culture. One that only welcomes you if you fit *juuuuust* right. It's sad, given how this is meant to be a non-judgmental space. Many who could find happiness, connections, a safe space, understanding or acceptance here, where they can find it nowhere else, end up leaving ASAP or becoming bitter - understandably so. It makes sense as a reaction to what they encounter here. Frustratingly, the characters themselves would claim to embody non-judment more than most - while simultaneously bullying others and creating the suffocating atmosphere, and claiming victimhood status themselves in various ways when needed, such as when they are questioned in their behaviours. Predictably, it seems the case that this is a very small minority that unfortunately has the loudest voice and the most regular engagement with the community and discussions. Some of the contributions are essentially entertaining click-bait (whatcha think of my thread title??? đđđ ). Reliably eliciting emotional reactions from a community by focusing with locked, fixed gaze at flaws and they constantly identify. Being cruel and judgmental is frequently masked as defending people - well meaning, ever so riteous. Individuals who are simply human and don't know what they're doing in general are deemed selfish and declared to simply be horrible because of the sin of making mistakes, or having an incorrect view through lack of experience or knowledge. Rather than help with kindness and understanding, there's a steady, relentless, inexhaustible, energetic and enthusiastic barrage of reliable acidity clothed in righteous arguments, declarations, conclusions, accusations and of course, ridicule and mockery. It's sad to think of the experienxe of the bewildered individuals who are unfortunate enough to not fit in *just* right, who don't know better and who have the wrong view or simply don't express it in *exactly* the right way. Hurt people, hurt people. And look thoroughly unpleasant and unattractive in the processes. But they are clearly hurt - so they have my understanding. But OMG being on Fet is like looking at a sexy girl dressed up like my own grandmother. Fun, but can be a mood killer.
Deleted Member Posted December 2, 2022 Posted December 2, 2022 I have only just joined from another site and seen it already this morning, the contradiction from the person was just funny, they are everywhere in life but we can ignore and keep
Phineas Posted December 2, 2022 Posted December 2, 2022 I read this and then read it again... Don't make excuses for shitty behaviour. Shitty people make shitty comments, and there's no acceptable excuse for non consensual ridicule, mockery, or acidity. It's *** Not all hurt people hurt people. I know better than most. I was ***d for nearly 13 years by my ex. She ***d me, beat me, ***d and humiliated me, sometimes daily. I had every form of *** there is thrown at me. Am I nasty to others? No, because I wouldn't want anyone to suffer what I did, and if I take my hurt out on anyone else, it makes me no better than her, it makes me an ***r too. I'm not a victim, I'm a survivor. Do I sit taking pot shots at people cos I'm hurting? No, I saught therapy so I could better understand myself and the damage done to me, and hopefully find some inner peace. Emotional trauma and complex PTSD are not nice words but that's what I live with now. That's the consequence of what I went through and have to face daily. If you're called a useless cunt on a daily basis, at some stage, like it or not, you start to believe it. It is the kindness of others that helps me now. And this community has been kind to me. If people are hurting (and it does seem this community attracts *** survivors) they need to seek help, not sit there feeling sorry for themselves, and taking their *** out on others. That just feeds the cycle. There is no excuse for ***
Deleted Member Posted December 2, 2022 Posted December 2, 2022 Spot on, you hit the nail on the head. Worst place if find is the lobby chat room ... so I just never chat anymore.
John54 Posted December 2, 2022 Posted December 2, 2022 Thank you Aeonova. Insightful I think. Stick to your guns. You strike me as someone with the right instincts. It's a pity, in my view, that a sector of society (the kink or fetish sector that is) that's already widely misunderstood, denigrated, treated with suspicion and sometimes abusively then treats each other the same way. Have we, of all people, not grasped what "Do as you would be done by" means?
se**** Posted December 2, 2022 Posted December 2, 2022 3 hours ago, Phineas said: I read this and then read it again... Don't make excuses for shitty behaviour. Shitty people make shitty comments, and there's no acceptable excuse for non consensual ridicule, mockery, or acidity. It's *** Not all hurt people hurt people. I know better than most. I was ***d for nearly 13 years by my ex. She ***d me, beat me, ***d and humiliated me, sometimes daily. I had every form of *** there is thrown at me. Am I nasty to others? No, because I wouldn't want anyone to suffer what I did, and if I take my hurt out on anyone else, it makes me no better than her, it makes me an ***r too. I'm not a victim, I'm a survivor. Do I sit taking pot shots at people cos I'm hurting? No, I saught therapy so I could better understand myself and the damage done to me, and hopefully find some inner peace. Emotional trauma and complex PTSD are not nice words but that's what I live with now. That's the consequence of what I went through and have to face daily. If you're called a useless cunt on a daily basis, at some stage, like it or not, you start to believe it. It is the kindness of others that helps me now. And this community has been kind to me. If people are hurting (and it does seem this community attracts *** survivors) they need to seek help, not sit there feeling sorry for themselves, and taking their *** out on others. That just feeds the cycle. There is no excuse for *** *** can be unisex. Thank you for speaking out.đ
TheDeathRictus Posted December 2, 2022 Posted December 2, 2022 I couldn't agree more, I've personally seen or experienced this myself and if you speak up for anyone who is being targeted because you feel it's unfair, you're thrown under the bus with them. I'm not naming any names, but a few do spring to mind and I actively avoid them and will leave the lobby if I see them. I hope this post brings it to the attention of the mods so they can realise that while they are very good at their job, they are losing out on a sense of community that could be very easily created....I used to feel part of it. Now, I feel unwelcome here
bi**** Posted December 2, 2022 Posted December 2, 2022 Too much of this stuff on every site. I'm not sure what to do about it TBH. But - at leats its not your grandmother dressed up like a sexy girl!
so**** Posted December 2, 2022 Posted December 2, 2022 Yeah I agree, it's everywhere really. FetLife is even worse, & Facebook is worse than both combined lol but people are entitled to their opinions. Freedom of speech is like that. The world is full of shitty people, unfortunately. I just ignore them.
Deleted Member Posted December 3, 2022 Posted December 3, 2022 (edited) 16 hours ago, sonofthunder777 said: Yeah I agree, it's everywhere really. FetLife is even worse, & Facebook is worse than both combined lol but people are entitled to their opinions. Freedom of speech is like that. The world is full of shitty people, unfortunately. I just ignore them. You're right but I think the world has a lot more nice people than bad. The nice ones just don't use the Internet much to socialise. I have a feeling people are generally turning away from social media. Edited December 3, 2022 by Deleted Member Spelling
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