Less than 10 minutes to go boom

[lo****]

I WANT to say "I can't believe I had this conversation," but frankly it doesn't surprise me anymore.

My profile CLEARLY states that I don't give out pictures immediately.
When asked about giving pics immediately and I decline usually people are at least understanding...

BUT

I just had a VERY quick, I told them no thanks in less than 10 minutes, conversation.

2 quotes at the end from him and you will see why I am so dang mad.

"So how do we get to know each other better without a physical connection I.e. pictures"

(After I told him we were obviously not a match)

"Guess not. I’m just a little picky about who I talk to"

He just showed himself to only want something to look at and play with and be damned to WHO the person actually is. Thing is, he and others like him are COMPLETELY clueless this is what they are showing themselves to be to potential interests.

I am so mad I am sputtering, and this is rare for me.

Why are people so pushy? Why can't they take no for an answer and move on?

[Deleted Member]

I have one I said no I wasn't gonna send a pic and he asked multiple times and I hate unwanted dick pics

[Deleted Member]

That's because people think they like being Doms, but they are not. Some people just feel physical connection and cannot go beyond their mind. Physical attraction is important for me, but without a connection this is notthing

[Do****]

People are pushy because they feel entitled. Yes there's a Dom/sub mechanic but this doesn't mean you should bend your rules especially in the first 10 minutes. Stay true to yourself and be safe.

[4R****]

It's sad but true that some on here have an agenda is purely to get laid (or jack off) and they seem to think that claiming to be "A Dominant" will get them some level of compliance from others. Whilst this is generally seen more often in Men hitting on submissive women, it does happen the other way around too. These domineering types are about as far from being "A Dominant" as you can get and they are the classic "FAKE" that people try to call out but get stamped on for doing so. These people are not dissuaded because every now and again they strike it lucky and find someone who's completely inexperienced and will comply with their demands providing them with all of the pictures they desire and in some rare cases actually meet up with them. We often see tales of woe posted in the forums by their victims. But thankfully, the classic tell that you are speaking to one of these people is that they get incredibly 'butt-hurt' when their chosen 'mark' doesn't comply with their demands and true to form, with attack being the most effective form of defence, they get aggressive (or passive aggressive) and pushy. Best to report their profile, block them and move on - don't waste your time engaging with them, as they will certainly be messaging about 50 others at the same time as you.

Edited December 9, 2022 by 4RCH

[CopperKnob]

Because apparently no doesn't mean no
Because, for the masses, we're nothing but wank fodder

[br****]

Okay I'm here and can be forward but no means no still

[le****]

I have multiple issues with both the status and replies, firstly it could come down to the fact the profile in question has a single faceless photo . Secondly more people than not are visually stimulated , pics are hotter than text. Thirdly I imagine it's hard for new people to establish lines on the site and from profile to profile when the feed is full of pics of sex and people asking to meet up, hardly gives off 'let's talk vibes'. personally I think it's all wrong here in the status, comments, and site. there is no such thing as a "fake" dom, the difference is merely inexperienced dom vs experienced and no two doms are the same. And this all seems like a way of everyone piling onto men. To all the ladies out there !!!! If you don't like the way in which men approach...... you try approaching people you are attracted to yourself to understand their pressures instead of just reporting the profile instantly. Can't believe the vanilla world bs is fully leaking into the fet community.

[Mo****]

It's online "dating" people will always want a pic once you start chatting, get over it. No one wants a donkey. If you are wondering why there are certain "pushy" type of people on here... well you probably don't understand certain personality traits. Agree with another comment I saw... vanilla is infecting fet.

[4R****]

57 minutes ago, leanneandmartin said:

there is no such thing as a "fake" dom, the difference is merely inexperienced dom vs experienced 

Someone pretending to be A Dominant in order to get laid (or find someone to abuse) - would you not consider that as someone being fake?

Edited December 9, 2022 by 4RCH

[DarkArts1066]

For some Men - and Women, it is all part of the thrill of the chase. That question - can I assert myself over this person, and make them do my bidding …. conform to my will.
Frankly, it’s narcissistic and abusive - and will usually get that person blocked.
“How” to get to know someone without pictures being exchanged ….
Well, that’s an easy one.
I agree that it’s sometimes difficult to get your own personality across in text or print
- but we have these things called ‘telephones’ - I’m using one right now to write this.
If you use them for what they were originally designed for, you can speak to people - using your actual voice.
Perhaps the pic requester could have taken advantage of this method - instead of pushing for the ‘w*nk Bank’ material.

The telephone can even be used for video calls. In fact, I had a lovely chat with a lady I plan on meeting from this site - for about an hour yesterday. No lewdness … just a chat, a bit of flirting, and lots of smiles.

I commend the OP for their stance - and blocking the individual who couldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. We are all living, breathing animals with feelings first and foremost, and kinksters second. It shouldn’t be necessary - but that’s how we weed out the wasters, fakers and abusers ?… maybe we should use the ‘block’ button more.

[le****]

Hi 4RCH ,I would put that down to something different, simply a lying manipulater. And if their intention is to abuse then you add abuser to the list also. I merely ment before that just because someone's dom style doesn't land well with someone doesn't make them a fake and certainly shouldn't result in a reported profile, there are other options on this site such as the ' send them a no' function. And lastly I think it would be great for people to use sites for their intended purposes. Simply if you want to chat and take your time go to Facebook, if you want a hook up go to tinder, if you want fetish filth come here. Stop bleeding them into each other, it's exhausting and highly frustrating for everyone who is serious about seeking out their desires in their little very precious free time.

[4R****]

5 minutes ago, leanneandmartin said:

Hi 4RCH ,I would put that down to something different, simply a lying manipulater. And if their intention is to abuse then you add abuser to the list also. 

All people hiding their true purpose for calling themselves a Dominant when they are not a Dominant at all - Hence the term being "Fake". 

I agree not all Dominant styles are the same and there are other ways of handling things, but refusing to take no for an answer on something as simple as a picture raises questions about that person's ability to take no for an answer when it comes to a scene and honouring someone's limits, or their safe word.

No means No!
If a person (outside of an agreed dynamic) can't accept that without being pushy then in my opinion they have no business calling themselves a Dominant!

[lo****]

1 hour ago, leanneandmartin said:

I have multiple issues with both the status and replies, firstly it could come down to the fact the profile in question has a single faceless photo . Secondly more people than not are visually stimulated , pics are hotter than text. Thirdly I imagine it's hard for new people to establish lines on the site and from profile to profile when the feed is full of pics of sex and people asking to meet up, hardly gives off 'let's talk vibes'. personally I think it's all wrong here in the status, comments, and site. there is no such thing as a "fake" dom, the difference is merely inexperienced dom vs experienced and no two doms are the same. And this all seems like a way of everyone piling onto men. To all the ladies out there !!!! If you don't like the way in which men approach...... you try approaching people you are attracted to yourself to understand their pressures instead of just reporting the profile instantly. Can't believe the vanilla world bs is fully leaking into the fet community.

You might have a case for "inexperienced Dom" if he didn't say on his profile he has been in this lifestyle a long time.
Someone who does not accept no's can not be a true (or if you want to die on the hill that there aren't fakes) a "GOOD" Dom.

Everyone has their own life experiences, and if you have issues with my not showing more of myself you are in your perception of the world and can't look out at other's perspectives. There is a thread on the forum here about having to be discreet cause of real world issues. It's not people being teases, its people trying to protect their lives outside of here.

If you want to judge based on that, you show yourself as poor quality as the one I posted about frankly.

[DarkArts1066]

2 hours ago, leanneandmartin said:

I have multiple issues with both the status and replies, firstly it could come down to the fact the profile in question has a single faceless photo . Secondly more people than not are visually stimulated , pics are hotter than text. Thirdly I imagine it's hard for new people to establish lines on the site and from profile to profile when the feed is full of pics of sex and people asking to meet up, hardly gives off 'let's talk vibes'. personally I think it's all wrong here in the status, comments, and site. there is no such thing as a "fake" dom, the difference is merely inexperienced dom vs experienced and no two doms are the same. And this all seems like a way of everyone piling onto men. To all the ladies out there !!!! If you don't like the way in which men approach...... you try approaching people you are attracted to yourself to understand their pressures instead of just reporting the profile instantly. Can't believe the vanilla world bs is fully leaking into the fet community.

I have the same issue with faceless pictures, or Snapchat style doctored pics - or pics of someone’s cat. If I wanted to date a cat, or a woman with dog ears and a dog nose - or butterflies around her head, then that is what I would look for. If someone does pose a picture of their actual face as a profile pic (like I have - albeit with sunglasses on) and you start a conversation by text with them, then surely the next logical step would be some kind of conversation..? I prefer a phone chat - or a videocall, simply because I am reminded of a meeting that was arranged between myself and a couple in Glasgow - almost two decades ago now on a swingers site.
I flew to Glasgow, from the South, having seen pictures of the ‘couple’ I was going to meet - only to be met by a single guy ….. Ho made excuses for the fact that his ‘wife’ had to work late …. But “we could still have some fun together without her - couldn’t we ?”

That was the first - and last time I was caught out.

Oh, and there are “Fake” Doms.

Ones who use that as a status, to entice submissives, when in fact, they have no interest in the dynamic itself, they just want to restrain someone, beat them and then take their sexual pleasure from them, with no thought for the other party.
There are at least three women on this site, that I have spoken with, who have had experiences like that. These individuals are abusers, portraying to be Dominants to secure a ‘willing’ victim.

[le****]

47 minutes ago, 4RCH said:

All people hiding their true purpose for calling themselves a Dominant when they are not a Dominant at all - Hence the term being "Fake". 

I agree not all Dominant styles are the same and there are other ways of handling things, but refusing to take no for an answer on something as simple as a picture raises questions about that person's ability to take no for an answer when it comes to a scene and honouring someone's limits, or their safe word.

No means No!
If a person (outside of an agreed dynamic) can't accept that without being pushy then in my opinion they have no business calling themselves a Dominant!

No issues with the term 'fake'. fake, catfish , these terms are accurate. I think it's a stretch to say someone's online behaviour directly reflects their in person behaviour, (that's a really dangerous idea). Everyone's limits should be honoured and respected at all times, but pushy to one is assertively sexy to another and shouldn't mean a profile is then reported for getting the approach wrong. If I reported each profile I had to say no to twice I would have no time left for the convos I want. Rather than reporting and blocking why don't people take a min to pass on alittle knowledge and advice to the individual for their next interaction with someone on the site to be happier and healthier for everyone.

[DarkArts1066]

leanneandmartin - I agree that in an ideal world, we should be able to pass on that advice, and perhaps hope that we can in some way help to modify their behaviour towards others in future.. but in reality, some people just don’t see that they perhaps need that education. Some of the messages I’ve had copied to me over the past six months bears that statement out. At least one Lady on here has tried to reason with one of the people who sent her quite an abusive and unpleasant message …. And he then proceeded to use a number of expletives, and threaten to come round and ……..
I’ll leave that there. I read the message. I also suggested she report him to the site - and have them contact the police. His profile is deactivated on here now - but there is nothing to suggest that he hasn’t set up another one. The first part of being a Dominant, is looking into yourself, and understanding what it is that drives you. Some people simply don’t have that failsafe.

[4R****]

7 minutes ago, leanneandmartin said:

No issues with the term 'fake'. fake, catfish , these terms are accurate. I think it's a stretch to say someone's online behaviour directly reflects their in person behaviour, (that's a really dangerous idea). Everyone's limits should be honoured and respected at all times, but pushy to one is assertively sexy to another and shouldn't mean a profile is then reported for getting the approach wrong. If I reported each profile I had to say no to twice I would have no time left for the convos I want. Rather than reporting and blocking why don't people take a min to pass on alittle knowledge and advice to the individual for their next interaction with someone on the site to be happier and healthier for everyone.

I wouldn't say assuming someone's 'online behaviour' reflects their 'in person behaviour' is dangerous at all - In fact I would suggest that ithere is a direct correlation between the two. And I'm not just making this suggestion on the basis of assumption. I'm making it on years of hard evidence of meeting people online and then coming across them in person in the local community. So to question whether someone's inability to take no for an answer online as being related to their ability to take no in a scene is a perfectly reasonable thing to do - we call them "Red Flags".

[le****]

1 hour ago, locketheart said:

You might have a case for "inexperienced Dom" if he didn't say on his profile he has been in this lifestyle a long time.
Someone who does not accept no's can not be a true (or if you want to die on the hill that there aren't fakes) a "GOOD" Dom.

Everyone has their own life experiences, and if you have issues with my not showing more of myself you are in your perception of the world and can't look out at other's perspectives. There is a thread on the forum here about having to be discreet cause of real world issues. It's not people being teases, its people trying to protect their lives outside of here.

If you want to judge based on that, you show yourself as poor quality as the one I posted about frankly.

Again what one would consider to be ' good' another would describe as 'compromising'. I myself am restricted to what I can share on this site due to my career. We are in the same perception and trying to protect the same thing out of this site we just have very different approaches, when it comes to online everyone has the right to know exactly who they are speaking with for a conversation to be continued. The first red flag of a catfish is a hidden face you have to appreciate that, and I don't think it's fair to call someone a fake or bad anything for wanting to make sure they are going to be getting what they are looking for out of the interaction. If my dom immediately backed down on every one of my 'no' answers he wouldn't be my dom. So take my dom as the example, if we were to separate and he searched for a new sub using his only dom experience he has had for 10 +years with me as his sub, should each lady immediately report and put him on blast? Life doesn't work that way and if it did there would be no doms anymore lol the difference between yourself and I is I wouldn't describe anyone as a 'poor quality ' person from what you said was a 10 min chat form interaction,I deal with these issues in the chat with the person always politely. The best part of fetish life is the range and diversity and rather than excepting their fetish you chose to shoot him and others with a similar style down

[le****]

21 minutes ago, DarkArts1066 said:

leanneandmartin - I agree that in an ideal world, we should be able to pass on that advice, and perhaps hope that we can in some way help to modify their behaviour towards others in future.. but in reality, some people just don’t see that they perhaps need that education. Some of the messages I’ve had copied to me over the past six months bears that statement out. At least one Lady on here has tried to reason with one of the people who sent her quite an abusive and unpleasant message …. And he then proceeded to use a number of expletives, and threaten to come round and ……..
I’ll leave that there. I read the message. I also suggested she report him to the site - and have them contact the police. His profile is deactivated on here now - but there is nothing to suggest that he hasn’t set up another one. The first part of being a Dominant, is looking into yourself, and understanding what it is that drives you. Some people simply don’t have that failsafe.

Hi darkarts, for the ladies previously mentioned it saddens me they have encountered such ordeals on this site, we all know that fetlife is not for that kind of behaviour. Fetlife certainly is here for all the sexy kinds of fun people enjoy . For clarity I don't think my approach is fool proof in any way, merely a more friendly and understanding one allows the chance for unwanted behaviours to be worked on and adjusted, not everyone will change that is the sad reality, but those same people wouldn't change by reporting and blocking them, they just make a new profile as you said and continue to the next to repeat.

[le****]

I hope outside of this serious topic everyone here is having a nice day and feeling kinky. 😊

[4R****]

19 minutes ago, leanneandmartin said:

I hope outside of this serious topic everyone here is having a nice day and feeling kinky. 😊

Absolutely - Have to say I do love a good debate

[le****]

42 minutes ago, 4RCH said:

I wouldn't say assuming someone's 'online behaviour' reflects their 'in person behaviour' is dangerous at all - In fact I would suggest that ithere is a direct correlation between the two. And I'm not just making this suggestion on the basis of assumption. I'm making it on years of hard evidence of meeting people online and then coming across them in person in the local community. So to question whether someone's inability to take no for an answer online as being related to their ability to take no in a scene is a perfectly reasonable thing to do - we call them "Red Flags".

4rch online is online and reality is reality. I would assume I and yourself for into your description as we seem to have a good understanding of ourselves and are able to openly express, but not everyone has found themselves yet. A simple example is someone who portrays confidence in the chat while getting to know each other but then in person they are actually a nervous wreck, iv arranged plenty of dates with the expectation of getting dommed then in person face to face the opposite has been the reality and I'm like 'where was all that talk about smacking my ass when i walk through the door?'lol. I personally am happy to dominate males in online chat but would never in person. I think for most people who haven't done the work to find themselves take a good long while to start letting their true self out.

[le****]

2 minutes ago, 4RCH said:

Absolutely - Have to say I do love a good debate

Always conversation over exclusion!

[Deleted Member]

I mean honestly, better that they show their true colours instead of leading you on