Am I wrong to be annoyed?

[Deleted Member]

Being new to this and not knowing all the roles and etiquette I’m not sure if I am being overly sensitive to how I have been approached. I was contacted recently by a Dom and we had been talking for only 6 days. Nothing much had happened a few calls where I would speak and he would write and he would stay completely Anonymous, he would watch through his camera a little too. A few pictures,some laughs later and a little pushy in wanting to meet, turns out he is a second account for a guy that had approached me as a sub. He said he didn’t see me as a Domme which is fair I made it clear I was new and learning wasn’t sure if it was something I even wanted but was giving it a try. I feel he was deceptive and ultimately manipulative in what he was doing but he seems to think he did nothing because he is a switch and they are both him in nature. Am I wrong to be annoyed?

[scar-man]

hiya - i would say yes on 2 fronts

[Deleted Member]

seems creepy and yes, manipulative. not a great start!

[Deleted Member]

10 minutes ago, scar-man said:

hiya - i would say yes on 2 fronts

Say yes I am wrong?

[La****]

No you are not wrong, number one rule of a Dom is openness and transparency. Being upfront and laying down the ground rules and building trust are a very important part of the process. Once the trust is broken it’s impossible to ever fully get it back..

[MrJim]

Yes honesty and trust are the pillars that this lifestyle is built on

[ge****]

Not wrong at all - some elements of that actually sound a little creepy to be honest.
.
It's absolutely fine to be unsure of yourself and finding your way, so long as you are honest about it which it sounds like you were - regardless of his "category" it sounds like he was playing you to an extent.
.
If it doesn't feel right to you, that is really all you need to know.

[Deleted Member]

13 minutes ago, scar-man said:

hiya - i would say yes on 2 fronts

How so

[Th****]

Trust is so key, anything that destabilises that so early on is a hard no.

[Si****]

There seems to be a lot of confusion from people not reading the OP correctly. The question asked by the OP is whether she is wrong to be annoyed about this guy conning her. However I believe some people are answering "Yes" to the question "is this situation wrong".

 

OP - No you are not wrong to be annoyed and apart from the fact that this person having two profiles goes against Fetish TOU (I hope they've been reported), I'd be incredulous about being played in such a way. It's people like this that give Dominants a bad name!

 

[Deleted Member]

9 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Not wrong at all - some elements of that actually sound a little creepy to be honest.
.
It's absolutely fine to be unsure of yourself and finding your way, so long as you are honest about it which it sounds like you were - regardless of his "category" it sounds like he was playing you to an extent.
.
If it doesn't feel right to you, that is really all you need to know.

Yes I totally feel like he was out to make a point. So well made.

[da****]

It’s a first sign of deceit. U can’t trust him after that

[lo****]

He made the point he can't be trusted. Pretty sure that was not the point he was shooting for.

[DarkArts1066]

Unfortunately, I am going to weigh in here with the majority.
Transparency and openness are the key to trust - in ANY D/s dynamic.
You are NOT wrong on feeling the way you do about this character.
When dealing with a sub who is new to the scene it is all the more paramount.
I wonder just how long this ‘Dom’ has himself been in the lifestyle?… he sounds like he is fishing…. Attempting to generate interest at any cost. A ‘Chameleon’ - who is prepared to modify his profile and his behaviours in order to generate contacts.
I agree with 4RCH here…. The FETMODs may want to take a look at him if he has two accounts, and do trawl through the site looking for breaches.

[na****]

You have every right to be annoyed

[da****]

It’s like catfishing in a way. But regardless not trustworthy off the bat. I’d delete the person and find trustworthy people but even that is hard to find nowadays lol

[QXX666]

Nothing indicate on your profile you are a Domme. It’s clearly says submissive.
He could have create a switch profile. His behaviour shown someone that won’t respect you, your limits, your safety if you carry on with him. It was fun maybe but you need to cut the comms.

Edited December 20, 2022 by QXX666
Misspelled

[Deleted Member]

You are definitely not wrong to be annoyed with him.
Any relationship )Ds or vanilla) is built on trust and he has clearly broken yours at a very early stage.
Always go with you gut instinct because doubts about someone in a relationship only ever tent to grow.
Good luck on you journey.

[Deleted Member]

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, if you already thought he's deceptive and manipulative then you need to walk away. Trust your gut and don't waste time with anyone you're not 100% comfortable with.

[Deleted Member]

23 minutes ago, darryl75 said:

It’s like catfishing in a way. But regardless not trustworthy off the bat. I’d delete the person and find trustworthy people but even that is hard to find nowadays lol

It’s literally catfishing

[Fr****]

Honestly the fault doesn’t lie with you the fact he was happily willing to deceive you and even do so by making a new account shows trust can’t be built so I’d move on if I were you ?

[Deleted Member]

That’s some Bundy, Dahmer etc. behaviour in my opinion.

If you are going to embrace the kink lifestyle you need to be open, honest and transparent.

[Hi****]

Hiya.
Unfortunately not everyone on here is sound, which it seems you've now worked out..

I'd recommend dropping into the lobby from time to time to get to know a few people an to see what topics are being discussed!

But as with any relationship, platonic or otherwise, they're all built off trust.

An you cant build that without transparency.

[Deleted Member]

Red flag

[An****]

Red flags everywhere, how can you trust anyone like that, fundmental pillars broken before youve even started, trust, honesty and respect. Deception - he could have easily have edited his original profile to state his intentions instead of leading you up a garden path and wasting your time. Agree to move on and find someone whom respects you and your intentions, if theyve deceived you now what is the likelihood they will to meet their gains later into something you hadnt agreed!