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The Secret of S/M


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I do not think it is any secret that I am a sadist.

If my candid confession is in anyway misleading, then certainly the pictures and videos of my scenes should speak a thousand words to clarify eloquently. There are several probable reactions for those that observe my form of play: some people are in awe and feel inspired, while in the extreme opposite, others are abhorred and judge harshly without understanding. I am approached by individuals with compliments and appreciation of what I share, but I also feel the rebuking leers and hear the hateful whispers. Some are vastly curious and want to know more; of course, there is a common theme to the questions I receive after my public scenes: How can I be so cruel to someone I love?

Without doubt, I am cruel. I mercilessly make my partners cry and scream. I savagely bruise and rend their flesh. I meticulously push boundaries until realizations are made or I achieve my sate. I train individuals to forge past their *** threshhold, only to reward them with new, more cunning ***s. I am capable of such exquisite ***, that surely even the Marquis de Sade would marvel (and maybe even take notes). Voltaire once sang, "...And I do it all for free; your tears are all the pay I'll ever need" - a profound statement that truly represents the sadist in me.

Once upon a time, my sadism confused and frightened me, though. Being a survivor of childhood trauma, I was constantly warned of repeating the cycle of ***. I was always a bit "weird", but as my peer group reached puberty, my desires set me far apart everyone else; I couldn't share those penchants, and the closer I got to any person, the more I'd *** myself into isolation to protect others from my thoughts (thoughts that aroused me). Then I made the mistake of falling in love, and suffered the ultimate conflict of protecting the person I loved from my hunger to cause them ***. Whether I was born this way or was created by my environment, the question haunted me: How could I be so cruel to someone I love?

It wasn't until I entered the BDSM public scene and met a genuinely amazing couple that I fully learned the secret of S/M: sadism and masochism can be acts of love. Speaking from the sadist's perspective, S/M interactions offer the opportunity to praise and encourage the masochist's bravery in pushing their *** threshhold. The play between a sadist and masochist can certainly be seen as quality time. In the role of sadist, I create custom scenes often taylored to the fantasies of the masochist, the more extreme feeling much like a gift (not even considering the gift of cathartic experiences). Prior to any scene, part of the sadist's service is learning and practicing with any instruments used, while gathering as much useful safety information as possible to minimize dangers to the masochist. No less important, many forms of S/M play greatly intensifies physical touch and intimacy.

Sound familiar? Those random examples are loosely based on the concept of five love languages (Gary Chapman). Although some of those instances might seem like a stretch from the original list, only the participants in any relationship can define what love means to them and how to communicate that love. With this in mind, it's easy to believe that the passion behind S/M can be an expression of love between the sadist and masochist. Which brings us back to the question: How can I be so cruel to someone I love? The answer seems simple.

My sadism is how I express my most intense love of the masochist.

This just fixed my brain a little... Thanks for this Cade, great post šŸ‘Œ

Never understood sadism myself but you have given me a good insight. Thanks

totally agree with You Cade. as the Maso on the other end of a relationship i can admit that i am pleased to sing as i affectionately call it for my sate. and ppl pick on me for how extreme and frightening my pictures are. they can get over it when they are ready i guess
Myself I grew up with sadists in my own family and met loads of peeps who are mean cruel vicious just in general life cause they feel entitled.....its seen as desirable in many modern cultures) and was a regular part of feudalism ect..... Your the only guy Ive EVER heard be honest Or try to explain like in your profile) plus you seem to be "working at life" and having some kind of beliefs/structure?!?! Better your kind than the sly-sadists who creep around plotting Or the downright brutes who run around in everyday life.....
Cade, intriguing I would love to learn more.
Very well said Cade, excellent post!!
Posted (edited)


I like the way you've tackled this.Ā  Ā The ongoing responsibility to the new ones coming through the door.... idealising,Ā  fantasizing about who they think they are.Ā  You've demonstrated here your own journey and the reflection and introspection that has developed overĀ a lifetime.Ā  I'm relentlessly bowled over by what it means to be here,Ā  still coming to terms with my own reconciliation and to witness that of others is a true privilege.Ā Ā 

In case someone hasn't told you today,Ā  you rock


Edited by Deleted Member

A great post and an excellent explanation.

Not my thing and I would be hugely concerned to explore with the masochcist before I indulged in anything approaching what you do OP. Even then I am unsure I could push myself to deliver but then again we are all diferent.

I too would like to hear more about how you push boundaries but not in a bad way during a scene? This said as one for whom hard limits or indeed soft limits are never crossed in a scene. Maybe sitting down quietly and discussing them outside of scene play but never during one for me.

As you have said OP your post will scare as many away as it will intrigue a few.

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