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How to cope with the loss of a Master?


Scarletlove

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Posted

My Master recently dismissed me. We have been together online for 3.5 years. We were in a 24/7. Planning for our future together. We had our first meeting at a restaurant 3 days into finding each other. Time after time he would refuse to see me or cancel dates we had to meet. There is some distance between us, but I traveled to his area 3-4 times a year.  Always offering to set up a time to meet him. He always said no. A month ago he booked a room and we made plans again. 2 weeks before time to meet he had to cancel because of work. I understand it was not under his control, but time and time again he cancels. Each time it breaks my confidence in myself. He got angry when I asked him to help me understand why in 3.5 years we could never meet. Especially when I offered to do all the traveling to him. He got very defensive and told me to remove my collar. I need help in coping this loss. This is my first long-standing BDSM relationship. Anyone out there with some good advice in coping a loss of a Master?

Posted
I feel so sorry for you to be dropped like that, it is so unfair that he was so callous towards you xxx
Thecarepackage88
Posted
It is never easy loosing a master/ mistress to circumstances like that but it does happen I'm sorry really I am if you want to chat further find me on here 😑
Posted
Keep you chin up, first and foremost! Although it can feel like the end of the world with the loss of a d/s partner, I assure you, it's not. After my slave of seven years asked for her freedom to pursue an outside relationship I wouldn't condone, I thought for sure I was simply done. What I did instead was take a bit of time to myself so that I might reaccess my life and lifestyle goals. I used the time alone to improve upon myself without outside influences. I prepared myself for my next dynamic, not that it was certain there would be another, but more so that if it did, I could be in a place in which I was ready for the relationship. Honestly, with no judgement on your previous dominant, it really seems like you weren't really getting what you needed/wanted from that dynamic, anyhow. Count yourself lucky! You had years to meet someone that couldn't seem to find the time to meet you, now you have the glorious freedom to begin again - hopefully with someone with the same priorities as you.
Posted

It doesn't appear that you were particularly happy in your relationship or that you were getting your needs met so I would look on this break up as an opportunity to find what will really make you happy and a person who is willing to invest in the real you rather than the online version

VictoriaBlisse
Posted

It's hard and painful when any relationship ends. So be gentle with yourself as you grieve for what was lost/what could have been. 

When you're ready you can move forward and you have discovered some stuff you clearly need: face to face meets, someone to be as dedicated to the relationship as you are, time.  I'm sure, in time, you will find a new dynamic that suits you. 

Take care and take your time, this might be the end of something but it's the start of the next chapter in your life, too. 

Posted

Thank you Victoria that was beautifully said. I appreciate your time to respond to my pain. 

Posted

Thank you everyone for you supportive words. When things in my head get jumbled up, I can come here and read your response to lift me up.

Posted (edited)

Sounds like a narcissist to me. Do you know whether he was married or lived with his parents?

Edited by Marcelin0
Posted
10 hours ago, Marcelin0 said:

Sounds like a narcissist to me. Do you know whether he was married or lived with his parents?

Yes he was married. 

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

A lot of people lose their significant other in many different ways and means. I lost a previous Master to His suicide, didn't make the experience any more or any less trivial but it was easier I guess, in the end, in time, for me to accept.

To accept He did what He felt best for us B/both, given the circumstances (cancer related) and to know that He was at least happy and content in His final moments. I took some comfort in the knowledge that I was the last person He spoke to. Now, please don't misinterpret my meaning here....acceptance is downright fucking hard to deal with....but knowledge is KEY. 

I knew where He was at with His health, I knew it was difficult for Him during His relapse and I knew I tried everything in my power to make that less of a burden for Him to carry. His choice, on the other hand...was a selfless one. One He made to alleviate the 'burden' He felt He'd become to those who loved and cared for Him. That couldn't have been easy. But all that knowledge led me to a place of understanding and allowed me to love and respect the memory of Him. 

How and in the manner in which you were dismissed however, leaves me reeling with mixed emotions....primarily disgust and rage. A submissive is precious within their gift and should be, more so respected for their servitude, ESPECIALLY when they are in a Collared dynamic (collar/ko'lar = commitment) to remove a submissives collar without adequate reasoning or giving them the tools/knowledge to eventually move past such a gesture is WRONG and NEGLECTFUL. 

In no way, in how you've divulged the information that you have, were you treated with respect nor dignity. 

I hope that you do find a way to move past His disgrace and find your way to become a more learned and stronger person and I pray that happens soon for you. It's never an easy task to overcome being broken in such a manner but know, you're not alone and there's always someone who'll hold your hand and light the path for you to finding your strength once again. 

White light and bright blessings Scarlet xxx

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

This was all about him nothing to do with you  go and enjoy a true master  who will  appreciate everything you bring to the relationship and treasure the collar  he puts around you and shows you what a master really is

Posted

That was a hard story to read. My sympathy to you Scarletlove. As others have said be nice to yourself and move on when you are ready.

Posted (edited)

Its not only the loss of a Master than can be hard to deal with. I had a lot of femsub friends and I lost two of them, and I was shocked at how badly I was hit by their deaths. The one was so unique, she was training to be a teacher and had very similar interests to what I had and we got on like a house on fire because we both disliked the same things that were happening in our local scene. Unfortunately she was killed in a car accident and I really felt like I had lost somebody very special. I always said that we reached out to each other because we both felt a connection that was beyond a passing fad. Had she been available as a partner I would have grabbed her and kept her for myself :-) I remember crying for her and thinking that children had lost a very special future teacher.  The other sub was someone who taught me a lot about how subs think and how they deal with WIITWD, she died suddenly and it was a terrible loss to me. I often think about those two very special people and the effect they had me. Loosing a Dom/Me is one thing, loosing a fellow kinkster is just as bad. 

Sorry, this post is really not for this thread, I misinterpreted the header. Mods please trash this. 

 

Edited by Deleted Member
changed my mind about posting it
  • 2 months later...
Posted

Hi.I understand rejection and being in a Master-slave relationship rejection must be really hard.Submission to another person,physical and mentally is a beautiful thing and i can understand your loss.I have that need to be owned as well.Take care,good luck and i know you will meet your Master.One that will take everything from you,then rebuild you into the slave sub you need to be.xxx

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