Mine, you belong to me

[Fa****]

There was a time, not so long ago, that I felt that I belonged to someone. More than felt I suppose, he told me I was his, that I belonged to him and I agreed that I did. 

Now, I will admit to being exceptionally naïve and maybe even desperate to be wanted/needed/cared for but I took this as meaning there was more than simply a sexual desire. I felt (or maybe wanted to feel) that this person actually cared about me. Tbf, they told me they cared about me so 🤷🏼‍♀️. 

To me “caring” about someone and telling them they belong to you means something. These are strong, powerful, intoxicating words especially to a girl like me. 

Remembering that this person also told me they weren’t poly and didn’t do “sharing” I find it odd that they went out one night and kissed someone else and contemplated bringing them home. 

Am I really at the stage in my life where I need to clarify seemingly obvious wording and intention with EVERY person I meet? Is that what things have come to? I’m all for not making assumptions and clearly in this instance I did but I feel they were pretty sensible conclusions to come to. 

Anyway, this is in the past. I’m not looking for advice or opinions (although you’re welcome to share them). I’m simply doing what I do and verbalising my thoughts to help me process my weirdness. 

Love

X

[Deleted Member]

If you never truly cheated or abused trust I am truly sorry
I have been through it and it sucks
The more you give the more you get taken advantage of

[Mi****]

It's good to verbalise. You start to see the truth.
Words mean something. Some give no value to the words they say nor to the people they say them to.
Keep verbalising, your ‘weirdness’ will appreciate the safety that gives you .

[CopperKnob]

Those words/phrases mean the same to me unless behaviour gives me otherwise. Sometimes though we want to believe the words more than the behaviour when the behaviour is the real indicator of what's going on. Words are cheap afterall

[RH****]

Exactly!

I believe the world has gone mad. Social tenets such as; (I) Don't, Lie, Cheat or Steal, have seemingly gone out the window. What happened? Somehow over the last couple years many folks have devalued character. Primarily the fact that lasting relationships require effort, sacrifice and service, people just don't want to work that hard anymore. "Oh I lost him or her I'll just swipe right for the next one"😢.  
I feel your pain, I am losing a lover now due to similar circumstances. I don't know what happened, it's as if a great swath of society decided that there was no longer a need to be excellent and to impress oneself with hard work. Such a sad state of affairs. 

R

[ey****]

the concept of cheating is hardly new 

but, there is a big change in lasting relationships that people haven't quite wised to.  Up until 30 years ago it was difficult to end relationships.  People will lie and say people "worked hard" in those days - but the reality was that women in particularly couldn't afford to get a divorce, or couldn't afford to be single.

So would often take the least-worst available man and if there was bullshit, she often still had to stay. And if it was loveless it was still security.

Likewise, for men, there was often pressure on being a "family man" and often social expectancy and it could even be bad for the career - so - again, tied in with the previous, a man might sometimes end up with someone who can fulfil that 

 

these days this is less of a problem, so it's probably better that people don't have to stay with someone they no longer love, or who doesn't bring value to them.

[Fa****]

15 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

the concept of cheating is hardly new 

but, there is a big change in lasting relationships that people haven't quite wised to.  Up until 30 years ago it was difficult to end relationships.  People will lie and say people "worked hard" in those days - but the reality was that women in particularly couldn't afford to get a divorce, or couldn't afford to be single.

So would often take the least-worst available man and if there was bullshit, she often still had to stay. And if it was loveless it was still security.

Likewise, for men, there was often pressure on being a "family man" and often social expectancy and it could even be bad for the career - so - again, tied in with the previous, a man might sometimes end up with someone who can fulfil that 

 

these days this is less of a problem, so it's probably better that people don't have to stay with someone they no longer love, or who doesn't bring value to them.

I think the point in this, to me at least, was more that had I understood exactly what his words meant the fact that he kissed (or even played with/fucked) someone else wouldn’t have come as such a shock or even tbf have been an issue for me. Having clarified the words after the fact it makes more sense - I just hadn’t thought to do so beforehand. He had no reason to use the words he did, we’d barely been talking for long. I had no reason to believe the words but I chose to. So, whilst the post may appear to be about cheating and long term relationships it really isn’t. It’s more about my understanding of words and language and the emphasis placed upon these/the reasons behind their use. 

That said I agree with not remaining with someone who doesn’t bring value/you no longer love. 

[Fa****]

19 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Those words/phrases mean the same to me unless behaviour gives me otherwise. Sometimes though we want to believe the words more than the behaviour when the behaviour is the real indicator of what's going on. Words are cheap afterall

But you know exactly why they mean the same to us both 😝

[CopperKnob]

5 hours ago, FatefulDestiny said:

But you know exactly why they mean the same to us both 😝

Because women have a hive mind?

[Fa****]

5 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Because women have a hive mind?

Ah, that’s the reason. Good to know x

[Rattlehead]

It seems like when he said hes not poly and doesn't share he meant he can sleep around, and he won't share you with another man.  Wording is everything and he didn't say "I'm monogamous."  He said, "I'm not poly." which are two different statements.  Also "I don't share" didn't clarify if he just didn't want to share YOU, he didn't say "I don't want to share you with anyone."  That tells me he could have meant "I won't share you with another man, but I'll bring in another woman."  The guy knew what he was saying, and he hoped you wouldn't question.

That being said it's not bad for you to want clarification.  Humans (men and women) can me fucked up.  If you want a monogamous or a non-monogamous relationship, you have the right to know if you're potential partner wants the same thing.  It doesn't matter if you're a sub or Dom, you want to be on the same page as your potential partner.