Uderiel Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 I've become increasingly convinced that D/s relationships, and the communities around such existences have faded. It is more and more apparent than findom/and or pay for play without play is the trend. Either there are a massive amount of scammers here who are not looking for D/s give and take, and are searching for desperate submissives willing to fall for games and deceipt. The community has degraded into a fantasy of what it once was, not an art, not a performance, or a lifestlye. It has become an atm, a fiscal exchange no different than prostition, only without the actual sex. I find it hard to believe that there are any Dom(mes) on here who are not in it solely for the *** (paypal schemes). I understand the role if *** in provision of supplies, or in reward, and or fealty to praise a Dom(me). However when the art and beauty of Bondage and Discipline, Sadism and Masochism, and Master and Slave are corrupted for purely fiscal exchange, what is the difference between finding a worker on the corner, or you? Where is the art of earning a collar when it can simply be bought by the biggest cash pig? Where is the true subservience and relationship between D/s? It isn't there, it is obscured and tenable only so long as the pay remains. I am losing faith with the community I once revered. Because it is not just this site, but every site.
ge**** Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 It's undeniable that there has been an increase in those out to profit from D/s over the years - largely as a result of desperate, and *** men on sites like this who are easy pickings and easily taken in - but it's not just D/s where this is prevalent - scams generally are on the rise, whether it be in dating sites, sex sites, stock market sites or many other categories where there's ways to part the easily deceived from their ***. . And yes, that clouds the situation, but most scammers are quite easily spotted if you have your wits about you, and if you look beyond them there's still a thriving and healthy community out there - with many "genuine" participants on both sides of the coin. . Finding them and those that match what you're looking for has never been easy, and takes time, patience and an acceptance that not all will be right for you, but they are out there - but sometimes you have to go beyond sites like this to find them, kink events and munches being two good examples.
MrJim Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 Though it is true that is seems there are more scammers than true community members here, there are some of us that are still just looking for a true D/s relationship. You have to wade through the scammers to find the one true gem waiting there for you. I for one refuse to give up on my hope of finding that gem. If we stop looking the community will surely die. What can we do? Don’t pay anyone anything, that is the only way to stop these liars and cheats and remove them from our lifestyle. If you are talking to someone and they ask for *** just block them and move on. Hopefully these ticks will dry up and die.
MisstressStorm Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 Your experience unfortunately is the norm now. Whilst there is nothing inherently wrong , I feel in being paid for a service. Would you expect not to pay for a delicious meal that someone has cooked for you ? I am tired of toxic men expecting me to be a free Kink dispenser just because they say “ Yes Mistress “ ( Doms are particularly guilty of this ). I come across faux mistresses frequently and call them out/ report them . This prompted me to form a group Ethical Dommes and male subs where the subs can have contact with Dominas who don’t want financial renumeration. If I spend time and energy with a sub , if he wants to give a gift , flowers , chocolate, lingerie, that sits well with me. Or if he wants to buy underwear of mine then that’s ok too - Kink wear isn’t cheap. Does that make me a FinDom , I don’t think so. I agree that if *** is the basis of the dynamic that slants the dynamic and not in a positive way. How can you freely Domme if someone is paying for Their needs to be fulfilled. They will call the tune and dictate the session. I’d rather Kink for free on my own terms and within the subs hard limits. My reward is the beauty of the sub surrendering , willingly ,on the alter of Storm . Mistress Storm ⛈️
MisstressStorm Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 Your experience unfortunately is the norm now. Whilst there is nothing inherently wrong , I feel in being paid for a service. Would you expect not to pay for a delicious meal that someone has cooked for you ? I am tired of toxic men expecting me to be a free Kink dispenser just because they say “ Yes Mistress “ ( Doms are particularly guilty of this ). I come across faux mistresses frequently and call them out/ report them . This prompted me to form a group Ethical Dommes and male subs where the subs can have contact with Dominas who don’t want financial renumeration. If I spend time and energy with a sub , if he wants to give a gift , flowers , chocolate, lingerie, that sits well with me. Or if he wants to buy underwear of mine then that’s ok too - Kink wear isn’t cheap. Does that make me a FinDom , I don’t think so. I agree that if *** is the basis of the dynamic that slants the dynamic and not in a positive way. How can you freely Domme if someone is paying for Their needs to be fulfilled. They will call the tune and dictate the session. I’d rather Kink for free on my own terms and within the subs hard limits. My reward is the beauty of the sub surrendering , willingly ,on the alter of Storm . Mistress Storm ⛈️
peavley Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 Yes.It's really gone down hill since lockdown.They don't want to meet in person first to see if there is any chemistry between you.They first demand *** be sent to them.I had one recently who wanted £150 paid up front.No chance! Like in any normal dating service you would always want to meet in a public place over a coffee or meal.If you get on,and take it further ,gifts are always the norm in any relationship.Kinky or not.Just not upfront.Thats scamming! I even see them blatantly say on their profile.Findom.Sickening way these things see it as their job description.
ge**** Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 14 minutes ago, MisstressStorm said: Your experience unfortunately is the norm now. Whilst there is nothing inherently wrong , I feel in being paid for a service. Would you expect not to pay for a delicious meal that someone has cooked for you ? I am tired of toxic men expecting me to be a free Kink dispenser just because they say “ Yes Mistress “ ( Doms are particularly guilty of this ). I come across faux mistresses frequently and call them out/ report them . This prompted me to form a group Ethical Dommes and male subs where the subs can have contact with Dominas who don’t want financial renumeration. If I spend time and energy with a sub , if he wants to give a gift , flowers , chocolate, lingerie, that sits well with me. Or if he wants to buy underwear of mine then that’s ok too - Kink wear isn’t cheap. Does that make me a FinDom , I don’t think so. I agree that if *** is the basis of the dynamic that slants the dynamic and not in a positive way. How can you freely Domme if someone is paying for Their needs to be fulfilled. They will call the tune and dictate the session. I’d rather Kink for free on my own terms and within the subs hard limits. My reward is the beauty of the sub surrendering , willingly ,on the alter of Storm . Mistress Storm ⛈️ Perfectly and beautifully stated - though do think it's important to distinguish between those that provide a professional service to those willing to pay for it, and those out to scam people from their ***. . Whilst I'm not sure I personally could pay to be dominated for much the same reasons that you have given about needing a connection and that sense of being the Ying to someone's Yang, I can understand why some go for the more transactional option a ProDomme offers so long as all concerned are happy with the arrangement. . Those out to scam people from their *** with nothing in return however I have no time for at all.
ey**** Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 neither D/s relationships nor communities have faded. however - online is an extension of the community, rather than representative of it. If you go out to munches, events, etc. etc. no one is going to ask you to pay to sit next to them, and any situation that ends in play is because you both want to (while someone can say, "tell you what, get me a drink and I'll enjoy it while you worship my feet" they cannot say "sure, pay me" in most situations) By extension. While there has been a rise in recent years of people trying some form of online findom (not helped by things like cost of living crisis, economic downturns, so on) this doesn't mean a decline in anything else. Just like the rise in men who are mere fantasists, timewasters, just after some chat to wank to - or say they're submissive but they have a long list of demands they want from a prospective Domme - doesn't mean there's a decline in 'good subs'
sh**** Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 Yep this Tribute thing that these scammers going with is absolutely disgusting and then why would you pay someone to talk to you over the Internet when you can just go out And spend that *** on a pro not that I would personally I have payed a Professional dominatrix once in my life and even then I walked out of there feeling like I was just ripped off 30 minutes in Bonbeach it’s just not enough
Deleted Member Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 I share your observations and I honestly wonder why financial dominance is tolerated on what they say is a kink-friendly platform like this. One would expect that this will be monitored and strict action will be taken.
ey**** Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 As a side note. There are a number of ladies I know (from, y'know, the community) who no longer (actively) use some of the online websites and the reason being wasn't to do with other women asking for any form of payment - but the entitled attitudes from too many men. Or that they'd talk to a guy and find out he was playing his options. Or that they'd agree to meet and he would no show (that 'ghosting' men complain about despite being the worst offenders) and so on. And then they go to munches etc. and first off they can see the guys are genuine cos they are *there* and, of course - if you mass message then the scammers and the "sure pay me" will always reply. The "genuine" women will see how many people you've messaged and be, "meh, he's not interested in me he's interested in anything"
ey**** Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 2 minutes ago, ThatsTough said: I share your observations and I honestly wonder why financial dominance is tolerated on what they say is a kink-friendly platform like this. One would expect that this will be monitored and strict action will be taken. financial domination IS a kink. but also it's NOT permitted on here. It's also nowhere near as prevalent as guys make out - but of course if they mass message people, those with a financial domination interest who've slipped the net will always be the ones to reply.
EMandM Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 Not all Dom(mes) are like that. £s should have nothing to do with a D/s relationship. Spank, not bank 😁
ge**** Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 19 minutes ago, ThatsTough said: I share your observations and I honestly wonder why financial dominance is tolerated on what they say is a kink-friendly platform like this. One would expect that this will be monitored and strict action will be taken. The site relies on its user base to report any kind of request for financial gain whether that be ProDommes (which are allowed here if they get clearance from the site first - those that have have an icon on their profile I believe), FinDommes (ditto) or pure scammers - the site cannot possibly monitor every profile and interaction - but when these things are reported *do* take action.
Lord_Talion Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 This lifestyle is like the ocean. Just cause you don't see fish doesn't mean they're not there. Ya just got too much water to look at
Uderiel Posted January 18, 2023 Author Posted January 18, 2023 (edited) I agree with many of your replies, the transaction should not solely end with a "yes Mistress". Any submissive would/should yearn to gift and earn favor. Making it transactional cheapens the relationship into an escort service. Entitlement of submissives to expect a spank session, or dom(mes) who expect transactional reparation for time are missing the point. The transaction between Dominant and submissive is intrinsically tied fiscally without demands or expectations. However it is done much like other relationships, and a development period in the relationship, where kinks are slowly introduced and explored as each becomes more comfortable. I understand findom, (if that is a thing people want to voluntarily participate in). However cheap flaky "subs" and entitled "fiscal focused" dom(me)s are equally annoying. I would love to find some local Munches and actually make an organic connection, feel real chemistry, and allow something to develop naturally. I would like to be serious, however many of the interactions here and on other sites have greatly discouraged me. I'm glad I'm not the only one to have noticed, and glad others can see the issues from both sides and provide valuable input. I definitely don't mass message lol, I prefer to take my time, read profiles, and assess what they have posted before I even send a message. Which is rare because so few fill out their profiles. I don't want to play games and pick and choose. Thus, I really need to find a local group, and a munch. Edited January 18, 2023 by Uderiel Additional response.
Deleted Member Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 I have a neat little trick. I’ve put paypig and tributes in my hard limits on my profile. If someone demands either of these things from me, I know that they haven’t even bothered to read my profile and are therefore just scammers. Scammers don’t wouldn’t take the time because there is no time. I’ve seen a few enough here to know the different, even had a few attempt crypto scams. My conclusion is that this site is good for community, but you’re unlikely to find anything of substance here. Munches and events are the only way, in my opinion, but then I’m very picky, so take that with a pinch of salt.
Deleted Member Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 I have a neat little trick. I’ve put paypig and tributes in my hard limits on my profile. If someone demands either of these things from me, I know that they haven’t even bothered to read my profile and are therefore just scammers. Scammers wouldn’t take the time to read because it’s not in their interests to do so. I’ve seen enough here to know the difference, even had a few attempt crypto scams. My conclusion is that this site is good for community, but you’re unlikely to find anything of substance here. Munches and events are the only way, in my opinion, but then I’m very picky, so take that with a pinch of salt.
Uderiel Posted January 18, 2023 Author Posted January 18, 2023 Thank you, I will be sure to add that. I have all kinds of equipment and gear, not just novelty stuff, but custom crafted or ordered specifically. I've studied The Mistress Manual, BDSM essentials, and various other literature from the community so I'm more equipped to not be tricked by the scammers. But it is still discouraging, however pursuing munches may be the more feasible option. My experiences (though tainted by online ***rs, should not tarnish my opinion of true community members who hold true to the values which drew me to this community). I know how to set limits, what to expect, and what I am expected to surrender. I understand the role of a submissive, and it is because of that I hope that I can find a munch, and learn even more.
se**** Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 This is the new normal for all us. Please remember, you have to think about the Few Amounts of men that were Not scammed. They were willing to pay for few online sessions, because she was "hot and sexy". Few men confessed. Also, do you really think experienced mattered for them.
Deleted Member Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 I entirely agree the whole world is full of scammers and pay for play I am an older true submissive and have lived a sheltered life under ownership until three years ago . And it is a hard search for the real thing it is a very special relationship and if someone asks for tribute before you have even met then they are not really into you and probably won’t meet you . A true submissive is entirely different in needs from a man who wants his kinks satisfied, a truly submissive man has a deep need to satisfy his mistress whatever she requires, always trying his best and pleasing mistress satisfies the deep inner needs within the personality of the submissive but unfortunately leaves us open to ***.
Deleted Member Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 I've spent a month talking with an alleged slave girl, every meet arranged and she doesn't show. To many people like the idea but are to scared to try the reality.
ey**** Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 having 'paypigs' and 'tribute' as a hard limit isn't really going to change anything in the sense that, as you say, these are not people who are reading profiles - but, also, that whether it's a scammer or not they're not permitted to ask for paid play in this way. What I have found, is a lot of women find it off-putting when guys make a big deal of "no findom, no tribute, etc" on their profiles. Because whether we like it, or not, there is a lot of finances involved in all relationships, especially D/s ones. What I mean by this in general Go on a date to a restaurant. There's 3 possible ways to split the bill. (1) one person pays for it all. (2) an agreed split, say, 50/50 of the total. (3) everyone pays exclusively for what they had. no one likes (3) it's clunky and awkward. So usually it's (1) or (2) and the other person has to feel comfortable to order what they would like even if they get a started, an extra drink or more expensive main - and it's inevitable one person will pay for more than they had. And especially if one person decides further dates are required, or, actually, let's not meet again - they shouldn't feel like they "owe" the other person because they paid more - or be uncomfortable and order less. And I remember a friend went on a date with a guy who was anti tribute, anti findom, etc. and she kinda felt "is he going to think this of me if I order what I'd like" and so ended up having a less than enjoyable night. Aside from even the concept of dating - let's say you've had a few dates and are in a relationship. If things you've discussed involves certain toys, outfits, equipment, etc. then the kind of... who pays for it? If you really like seeing your partner in (say) latex but she can't presently afford new latex - do you do without until she can afford it, pay for it and get her to repay you (in part or full), or buy it as something you can both enjoy - whatever the option, it show cases the importance of *** in here. And so again, a lot of ladies sometimes feel that when men push away from ***, even if it might be contextually different if you're in a relationship, that a lot is going to fall on them. That, and of course, many women have a friend who works professionally to some degree and their friendship is more important than a "sub" guy who hates them.
EMandM Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 11 minutes ago, Spanker1629 said: I've spent a month talking with an alleged slave girl, every meet arranged and she doesn't show. To many people like the idea but are to scared to try the reality. Unfortunately there are a lot of "subs" like that, get the feeling they don't really know what they want and if they want to be a sub, more of a game and a way to have men pay them attention. Never really have any intention of meeting.
EMandM Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 3 hours ago, h2ohno said: I have a neat little trick. I’ve put paypig and tributes in my hard limits on my profile. If someone demands either of these things from me, I know that they haven’t even bothered to read my profile and are therefore just scammers. Scammers wouldn’t take the time to read because it’s not in their interests to do so. I’ve seen enough here to know the difference, even had a few attempt crypto scams. My conclusion is that this site is good for community, but you’re unlikely to find anything of substance here. Munches and events are the only way, in my opinion, but then I’m very picky, so take that with a pinch of salt. Not many men read them anyway.
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