Need help Communicating

[Deleted Member]

Hello, new submissive serving a very fun and loving Dom. After play he will ask me questions like what I liked, what I disliked if there's anything I want to try next time.  I have answers for him but I just can't seem to get the words out. Does anyone else have this kind of problem? What did you do to overcome it?

[ey****]

communication from sub to Dominant can often be a problem.

In this specific instance it may be he's asking you too soon after play - but - it is important to have a reflective period as he's trying to encourage.

What it might be better - you can get him to help him help you if it's easier for you to write a reflective piece a couple of days later.   Going over just that.

When you feel you've something you want to discuss but the time isn't quite right... write it down - and show it when the time is right :)

 

[BigPolly]

We all have that ‘what if we say what we really want & they look at us like we’re completely weird’ moments! Your Dom is with you because he wants to be. He is asking what you like/want because he wants you to get as much out of this as he is. He is not asking to make you look daft. Communication is so important yet it is amazing how many Dom’s & subs don’t communicate & just go ahead with play. If you find it hard to talk then maybe text him or write little notes for him to find or even a letter. As @eyemblacksheep had said, give yourself time to reflect first.

[ca****]

And this is why FORUMS work - so 2 great answers above and my thoughts were kinda similar...

I struggle to communicate in certain ways and at certain times  - and we are all different which is a massive BONUS!

SO it maybe you struggle to find the words or to express them (in that moment - there and then etc)  - so maybe give it some time, let your thoughts develop and then let him know via a message / text etc.  Then this can develop into a 'potential' conversation.....................

It may make it easier to just jot down 3 things you really liked and maybe 3 things you'd like to try...  kinda limits it and diminishes the pressure to try to think of everything.

 

Hope that helps - but then again what do i know?

[Fa****]

I find some things quite hard to talk openly about but at the same time i need to get those thoughts/feelings out. I have in the past written short stories which help me express (its obvious who the stories are about!) Sometimes they are read, sometimes not.

[Deleted Member]

I also find it hard to communicate sometimes especially face to face and that is down to low confidence sometimes, but I can always do it over a txt message as I am more comfortable and confident. Like the others have said writing your thoughts down and if you have any questions yourself to write them down also. Communication in any type of relationship is a must but in a D/s relationship your Dom needs to know how you are feeling and what you like and dislike so you can both move forward and get out of it something you both want and love he's not asking you to make you look stupid and silly he's asking you so you get out what you want of the relationship. 

[Deleted Member]

Everybody above is giving the same type of answers I would.

Communication is a huge part of a D/s relastionship, and good communication is what's needed at the right time. The timing might be right for him but not for you, and my advise would be that you let him know this for both of you to get the best out of each other.

Another angle to look at this is one of a possible lack of confidence on his part. It could be he is concerned he's not doing enough for you or too much etc, and him asking so soon is a way of confirming he is good enough for you. I personally know about this as I still have these moments of doubts myself, but talking about it at the right time makes everything better and easier.

Rob.

[Deleted Member]

Maybe try to describe how the scene was for you in a different perspective, how you felt when when something was done/not done, this can be very insightful for your dom and it can actually help him to make the next scenes more satisfying for you. Like some people have said, doms often ask their subs about how much they liked the scene, it could be due to self doubt and/or just getting to know their sub. Make sure that you respond whenever you can and that the response is accurate, showing exactly what you experienced, nothing less. 

[ca****]

Agree with the 2 responses above.

Discussing what was good and what was not so good are equally of benefit.

I am just asking someone for any criticism - to see where that may lead to improvement for both of us ;)

So agian to the o/p it is probably about finding a way that is comfortable for you to communicate these things and hopefully it then becomes a topic of convo.

 

[Deleted Member]

Talking about feelings is very difficult for lots of subs you are not the only one and its a good question. 

I find it better sometime to give a notebook to my sub, and make her write feelings, likes, dislikes and sensations during sessions and after or before. Then I read it on my own, think about it, then read it again in her presence and sort out things. 

Communication is the key of an healthy relationship. 

[Cruxdom]

Just relax and spit the words out

[Mi****]

I often find that subs who have difficulty communicating face to face find it easier to keep a kind of kink diary. Write your thoughts down after you have had time to process each session, think about what you liked and things you didnt like so much and why. You can then show this to your Dom before you play again so he understands what makes you tick