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Ceremonies

littlemiss37

By littlemiss37
in Kink Academy

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littlemiss37

littlemiss37

Posted
Hi i am speaking to a dom and he is talking about ceremonies. Dont we need to meet a few times and make sure we connect before we do ceremonies . One is a pledging and one is claiming my body . I am new so i am still learning x

Deleted Member

Posted
Definitely meet beforehand and see if you feel a connection as well. Someone who immediately wants to perform a ceremony without having met you first sounds very suspicious.
za****

za****

Posted
Seems you are getting ahead of yourself. He's in a terrible rush. Not a good sign.
Ch****

Ch****

Posted
Sounds like they are in fairy land, if you are someone that wants to do these 'ceremonies' then yes meeting first is probably a good idea.
da****

da****

Posted
There's no set timeline but you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with
Be****

Be****

Posted
From experience I wouldn't trust a Dom who ask for a pledge, they're usually scammers in search of ***. Be cautious! You're right in asking at least one or two meetings before, it's the bare minimum. Subs give their body to their Doms, trust is fundamental and need to be built before even starting
To****

To****

Posted
Hi. Don't be pressured into anything unless you are comfortable. It doesn't need to be formal when you first start. Most kink groups use acronyms like RACK and SSC ( risk aware consensual kink) and (safe, sane and consensual). My advice is take things slowly. I also believe the sub has control. You set the limits, the safe words. You have to give them control, it isn't taken from you. Play safe. 😘
PurpleKink_DM

PurpleKink_DM

Posted
Yes certainly, if that is what you would like to feel more comfortable. Do not let yourself be rushed or ***d into anything if you are not (or not yet) comfortable and feel safe. Any reasonable person should understand this and be willing to accommodate.
si****

si****

Posted
Absolutely…..takes time and trust before you would even consider taking any kind of commitment ceremonies….don’t be rushed into anything you are not comfortable with x
ka****

ka****

Posted
Depends on your dynamic, but if it were me.. YES 100%, I'd meet 1st before anything (make sure someone else knows that you are meeting him in a public place) then if no alarm bells ring then yeah w/e
A good tip is to get to know his friends /Insta / socials then ask to meet him up,
As for me a Dom is in the bedroom mainly but I wouldn't be barking commands immediately as your potential new partner /she/he/they also needs to get that connection not just for you or they'll do you then dissappear
Hopefully that is helpful
Stay safe 👍🏾🙏🏽
Sl****

Sl****

Posted
Yep, that’s too much too soon. Bit of a red flag. Sounds like some Gorean weirdness
Gentleman_DD369

Gentleman_DD369

Posted
You are correct in your conclusion of having more than just online interactions. This is for your own safety, as well as for your sake of finding your ideal partner.

This could be seen as a big red flag as that so-called "Dom" you are speaking to seems to be jumping the gun. Regardless of your role as a submissive, you are always in control.

Also, always be sure to set your boundaries that no one will ever be allowed to cross, along with hard limits. Don't feel limited on your hard limits as having to make them be strictly sexual.

Make hard limits about even allowing yourself to entertain this short of online interactions, if you'd like, as well.
ey****

ey****

Posted
7 hours ago, littlemiss37 said:

Hi i am speaking to a dom and he is talking about ceremonies. Dont we need to meet a few times and make sure we connect before we do ceremonies . One is a pledging and one is claiming my body . I am new so i am still learning x

a lot depends here what he even means by ceremonies.   They're probably fairly meaningless.   Ceremonies aren't massively common all told.

It's worth a sniff test, if something smells off, abort. 

ki****

ki****

Posted
I've had the same and I'm learning too. I was a little concerned until he assured me he meant after we've met a few times and only if we connect, and when im ready x
Lo****

Lo****

Posted
You don't "need" to meet before any of that but he sounds quite eager, maybe even jealous?
It would definitely be better first to find out whether you work or not. It would definitely be more meaningful that way.
Maybe talk to him, tell him, that you first want to try? In a good BDSM relationship your Dom should take care of your needs, but you have to let him know of your needs.
littlemiss37

littlemiss37

Posted
  • Author
1 hour ago, GentleViking said:
Definitely meet beforehand and see if you feel a connection as well. Someone who immediately wants to perform a ceremony without having met you first sounds very suspicious.

Thats what i thought aswell x

Lo****

Lo****

Posted
Also, because you said you were new to this:
To me it's most important to set up a -kind of- contract before anything happens.
In this contract I would define what is good, what is ok, and what are no gos, trigger words, safety words etc. For both partners.
I do this mostly in form of a list of all the kinks I can think of, a little like a questionnaire.
Ar****

Ar****

Posted

You don't need to do ceremonies at all, whatever he means by that, the same way that you don't need to meet or do anything at all which places you outside of the boundaries you set yourself.

Some people go in for "high protocol" relationships, and that is fine. A lot of people treat their BDSM connections fundamentally the same way as they would their vanilla ones, and simply add various kink aspects into the mix until they have what works for themselves and their partner/s.

It's easy to get led when you're new, for people to tell you things should be one way or another. But the only rulebook you have to follow is your own. Decide what you want from your connections, experiment with how they look if you want - you can always change or "go back" later. The right Dom for you will support your needs and wishes; if a prospective partner tests/doesn't respect your boundaries or attempts to coerce/manipulate you, show them the door.

Deleted Member

Posted
Echoing others thoughts - it takes time and trust to build a dynamic to the point of ownership/collating etc. I've never heard of of pledging or claiming (may have missed something in my 20 years). I start with discussions, vanilla meets, role-playing, limits discovery (questionnaire and discussion) before moving on to simple rules. I would usually take 3-6 months for that and then some in person sessions. Eventually after much more discussion might I think about collaring a sub if that was their desire, and I felt it right
littlemiss37

littlemiss37

Posted
  • Author
59 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

You don't need to do ceremonies at all, whatever he means by that, the same way that you don't need to meet or do anything at all which places you outside of the boundaries you set yourself.

Some people go in for "high protocol" relationships, and that is fine. A lot of people treat their BDSM connections fundamentally the same way as they would their vanilla ones, and simply add various kink aspects into the mix until they have what works for themselves and their partner/s.

It's easy to get led when you're new, for people to tell you things should be one way or another. But the only rulebook you have to follow is your own. Decide what you want from your connections, experiment with how they look if you want - you can always change or "go back" later. The right Dom for you will support your needs and wishes; if a prospective partner tests/doesn't respect your boundaries or attempts to coerce/manipulate you, show them the door.

Thanks x

fr****

fr****

Posted
Awesome feedback!!! You definitely came to the right place,no body in the real life would take advantage of you,the path shows itself
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