Sub Frenzy

[CopperKnob]

What it felt like, for me at least

I'd heard about sub frenzy, I'd read about it. I didn't really understand it. I didn't know how to manage it, more's the point, I didn't know it was happening to me.

Sub frenzy felt like drowning in the quicksand of the fire swamp. Sounds were muted, the entire universe retreated, and the only thing in my blinkered view was him, the next time I could WhatsApp him, the next time I could speak to him etc etc etc. That doesn’t mean that anything dialled that desperation back. Nothing achieved that, it was a never ending circle of I want more, I need more. My days became dominated by a sickly sweet itch that never, ever went away. The energy that level of obsession uses up is startling. I could not focus on anything including some of the most important things in my life. Everything else was an annoyance.

Frenzy can become a serious liability. It erased all sense, obliterated any restraint, and made me feel like a junkie. The drug was him and everything I was going to get to experience.

I didn't have a kink community to explain what I was going through and, unlike Buttercup, no Wesley to pull me out. After considering attachments styles and intially blaming that, the only lens I had to look through was that of hypersexuality. What else could it be? Dr Google told me I was schizoaffective. No. I was suddenly bipolar. No wait, I had an androgen imbalance. Is that even a real thing? It must be because there I was, being hypersexual. I wondered how long I could tolerate that infernal itch, but the haze of hours and days just kept on marching by anyway. There. Was. No. Relief.

It only ended when the dynamic did. Was I better off? Nope because I experienced what I can only describe as a drop. It was much more intense than a vanilla break up. A friend commented that they'd never seen me acting as I was over a guy in the 14yrs we'd known each other. That right there was the tell, it was sub frenzy, I wasn't bipolar, schizoaffective or anything else. It took weeks/months to reflect, learn and move forwards. It included taking a break. When I came back, I couldn't trust myself not to make more irresponsible choices, the only way around that was to make no choices at all.

It was the only way to stay safe. For me, frenzy was more mind-altering than anything else I've ever experienced. Protecting myself meant distrusting myself, and I’d more than proved that I was unworthy of anyone’s trust in that state including my own.

Those months are still some of my favourite memories as far as relationships go. I miss them, but I hope to hell I won’t have to repeat them.

A story involving sub frenzy doesn't always end well. Predators seem to have some kind of magical ability to pick them out of the pack. There's only so much we can do to warn them. Ultimately, it's up to frenzied subs to find self-control at a time when restraint is at its least attractive. The only way they can do that is to recognise it for what it is.

[Su****]

This Spoke to me all too familiarly

[FUCKALLOFULIEINGMEN]

I experienced Sub Frenzy😱
I didn’t know what it was until I read your post.
And I love how u mentioned that it was harder than a vanilla break-up…because I was wondering what the hell was It that I feeling and why
And I was addicted too‼️

[Th****]

This sounds incredibly tough, and shocking in that I had never heard of this phenomenon before. Thank you for the advice, I will be sure to look out for signs of this going forward in the people I meet, and adjust my behaviour accordingly. I'm glad you made it through, and can look back on your time with that person with fondness.

As far as I'm concerned, as a fledgling Dom, if a sub is struggling with self-control, the dominant is responsible for making further efforts to control themselves, so as not to push too hard and potentially cause genuine harm.

We are after all, all about the control, and that should work inwardly as much as outwardly (at least, that's my view). Sadly though, I suspect you're right, predator's have a sixth sense for detecting this.

This is also a prescient reminder to *never, ever* Google symptoms on the interwebs. There be monsters and mind gremlins 😬.

[Ar****]

Free of the quicksand, and now aware of the R.O.U.S. in sheep's clothing...

[CopperKnob]

22 minutes ago, ThoughtfullyDominant said:

This sounds incredibly tough, and shocking in that I had never heard of this phenomenon before. Thank you for the advice, I will be sure to look out for signs of this going forward in the people I meet, and adjust my behaviour accordingly. I'm glad you made it through, and can look back on your time with that person with fondness.

As far as I'm concerned, as a fledgling Dom, if a sub is struggling with self-control, the dominant is responsible for making further efforts to control themselves, so as not to push too hard and potentially cause genuine harm.

We are after all, all about the control, and that should work inwardly as much as outwardly (at least, that's my view). Sadly though, I suspect you're right, predator's have a sixth sense for detecting this.

This is also a prescient reminder to *never, ever* Google symptoms on the interwebs. There be monsters and mind gremlins 😬.

I think that there's the potential for a sub to feel rejected when a Dom holds back without an explanation. Sub frenzy really is that irrational
But Dr Google makes life that little but more interesting

[CopperKnob]

19 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

Free of the quicksand, and now aware of the R.O.U.S. in sheep's clothing...

I was hoping someone would get the reference!

[Th****]

10 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

I think that there's the potential for a sub to feel rejected when a Dom holds back without an explanation. Sub frenzy really is that irrational
But Dr Google makes life that little but more interesting

Interesting, that isn't something I had considered. However, I wasn't necessarily meaning holding back, just ensuring that safe and sane limits are established and adhered to.

As a newer Dom and someone more comfortable progressing slowly, I feel an awful lot of pressure to do things outside of my own comfort zone, but I also know my own mind, and refuse to bow to that pressure (speaking of pressure from within, not without).

But my subs know that. Nothing should ever be done without explanation, from either side, if a dynamic is going to work. My two-cents 😁.

[4R****]

That is beautifully put. It describes the very essence of frenzy perfectly - I've been there as a Dom too:

 

Quote

The energy that level of obsession uses up is startling. I could not focus on anything including some of the most important things in my life. Everything else was an annoyance. 

 

[CopperKnob]

3 hours ago, SirArchA said:

That is beautifully put. It describes the very essence of frenzy perfectly - I've been there as a Dom too:

 

 

As turbulent as it was, as crazy as I thought I was, I miss it. I wish i'd not read your post and taken the time to reflect

[4R****]

3 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

As turbulent as it was, as crazy as I thought I was, I miss it. I wish i'd not read your post and taken the time to reflect

Oh no, sorry! - I must admit I did enjoy the "dream" of it all at the time, having her constantly on my mind etc etc etc. But alas that's what allowed a Narcissist to get her claws in whilst my guard was down - we live and learn. I was going to DM you earlier but your filters blocked me. 

[CopperKnob]

46 minutes ago, SirArchA said:

Oh no, sorry! - I must admit I did enjoy the "dream" of it all at the time, having her constantly on my mind etc etc etc. But alas that's what allowed a Narcissist to get her claws in whilst my guard was down - we live and learn. I was going to DM you earlier but your filters blocked me. 

No it's fine, it's good to reflect I guess. Filters amended

[4R****]

2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

No it's fine, it's good to reflect I guess. Filters amended

Filters are still blocking a message - It will let me send you a cheesy gift though lol

[CopperKnob]

28 minutes ago, SirArchA said:

Filters are still blocking a message - It will let me send you a cheesy gift though lol

😂😂😂😂 no idea why

[Deleted Member]

A small part of me is missing it too, but a huge part of me is extremely relieved that it's over! As you say, the energy it uses up is exhausting and I for one lost any healthy balance in my life. Now that I have rediscovered and spend more time on all my other passions (which have nothing to do with sex), I wonder how I managed to reduce my life to this one aspect for so long. For me personally it was a limiting experience but right now it feels like: tricked myself once, won't let me trick myself twice. It took this experience to be able to approach the next step in a more level headed kind of way. 

Thank you for sharing your experience! 🙏 I'm sure it will be very helpful for a lot of people! 

[Sophie58]

Once again, all hail beautiful CK, the spokeswoman for new subs! I only recently passed through my sub frenzy. It took a while to manage that sexual energy and got me into some poor life choice experiences. It took the serious chat with me by two close besties and their watchful eyes to help me reign back to something rational.  fortunately I got through relatively unscathed. But it could’ve been bad, really bad. I learned the difference between someone who is dominant and a Dom. True Doms are worth waiting for and until then, we subs must claim our power to protect ourselves.

[Sophie58]

Tuesday at 02:19 AM, ThoughtfullyDominant said:

This sounds incredibly tough, and shocking in that I had never heard of this phenomenon before. Thank you for the advice, I will be sure to look out for signs of this going forward in the people I meet, and adjust my behaviour accordingly. I'm glad you made it through, and can look back on your time with that person with fondness.

As far as I'm concerned, as a fledgling Dom, if a sub is struggling with self-control, the dominant is responsible for making further efforts to control themselves, so as not to push too hard and potentially cause genuine harm.

We are after all, all about the control, and that should work inwardly as much as outwardly (at least, that's my view). Sadly though, I suspect you're right, predator's have a sixth sense for detecting this.

This is also a prescient reminder to *never, ever* Google symptoms on the interwebs. There be monsters and mind gremlins 😬.

There are not the right words to describe how deeply I love and appreciate all of you True Doms. We dearly want that power exchange with one we can absolutely trust and who will protect us. Thank you thank you for keeping your eyes out for new subs. We need your protection and guidance, especially during our frenzy.

[Deleted Member]

We are supposed to be protectors that’s our number one role!

[Deleted Member]

We not only have to protect ourselves as Dom but also the sub should be looked after as well especially when they have no Dom to do so

[Deleted Member]

Thank you. Does it occur in male subs as well? I believe I might be experiencing the same. I’m not taking any *** , but it feels like an addiction in itself.

[4R****]

10 minutes ago, switch6962 said:

Thank you. Does it occur in male subs as well? I believe I might be experiencing the same. I’m not taking any *** , but it feels like an addiction in itself.

It can occur in anyone, regardless of rile or level of experience

[Deleted Member]

Thank you. I will try at all times not to drop my guard on it.