HSV and HIV positive kinksters let’s chat

[Deleted Member]

I feel like not enough info or people are talking about being HSV or HIV positive not only in the everyday world but also the Kink world.

More people need to talk about it to help reduce the stigma around it. So let’s start a positive thread about it and connect with others!

Some things to share/ think about:
What’s your experience with it?
How you manage your symptoms?
How you share this info w potential partners?
Misconceptions you wish others understood?
How you view yourself before/ after?
Anything else you’d like to share x

Negative comments will be reported, this is a safe space!

[FETMOD-KF]

For this thread we're going to make a few requests.

Number 1

like any thread on here - this can be used for conversation based on the questions and topic, not to pick up partners

Number 2

That nobody is shamed for their status.  While there are genuine problems if people are knowingly positive and do not tell anyone - this is obviously very different if folk are openly informing people of their status so decisions and safe sex practices can be made

Thank you all for co-operation.  

[ge****]

Good thread OP and one to hopefully educate others - I'd add HPV to the two you mentioned as well.
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I can't add anything from experience but have a fair knowledge of all three and would recommend anyone wanting to find out more have a read of the excellent SH:24 site which has some excellent advice/information pages about not only HSV, HIV and HPV but all of the STIs - it's a UK site, but open to all.

[do****]

34 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Good thread OP and one to hopefully educate others - I'd add HPV to the two you mentioned as well.
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I can't add anything from experience but have a fair knowledge of all three and would recommend anyone wanting to find out more have a read of the excellent SH:24 site which has some excellent advice/information pages about not only HSV, HIV and HPV but all of the STIs - it's a UK site, but open to all.

Can't agree more, having caught three types of HPV myself with two of them being high risk. Some parts of the recent months have been rough and without much access to support and informational structures. I went to five different doctors and every time I got different information about it, be it regarding safe sex, transmission, treatment, etc. Luckily the people I have met have been friendly and supportive so far so that I have started to regain some confidence in casual dating. But for a while it really seemed hopeless. To this day I have still not found a support structure like a group talk to share problems about having HPV with each other and there is still a huge lack of information among the general population I feel, especially among males. Being a mostly straight male myself this has not affected me as much as female partners were usually educated and understanding about the disease but before I was diagnosed I had never even heard of it myself, which makes for less safe sex practices and more risk for everyone.

[Pe****]

I think this is an excellent thread. It’s such a taboo subject. It could make people feel so alone. There are *** out there that can eliminate symptoms and spreading etc.
No one should feel bad about things that have happened to them without even knowing they’ve been at risk.
Not sure if anyone has seen the series “it’s a sin”. Made me cry for days. Definitely a must watch!!

[Missy45]

4 hours ago, PervyPenelope said:

I think this is an excellent thread. It’s such a taboo subject. It could make people feel so alone. There are *** out there that can eliminate symptoms and spreading etc.
No one should feel bad about things that have happened to them without even knowing they’ve been at risk.
Not sure if anyone has seen the series “it’s a sin”. Made me cry for days. Definitely a must watch!!

I agree with you statement wholeheartedly. People should also  be knowledgeable on how each are spread. 

[Deleted Member]

Great way to address such a misinformed topic! I know a few people whom been subjected to mass ridicule for having HPV and HSV at no fault of their own aside from trusting their partner, specifically a spouse. Not many people are aware 1/3 women and 1/4 men carry HSV 1/2 with no symptoms whatsoever. Some may never experience and Outback for years after having been initially exposed.
Thank you for addressing this.

[Muso83]

I got HIV indeterminate readings now that’s a *** in the bum but they have declared me negative after 100s of extra *** tests

[Muso83]

If anyone wants a mate going through that he’ll let me know I also advise everyone who has lots of multi partner sex and is hiv negative to as if they can get prep it’s a no brainer!

[Deleted Member]

21 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Good thread OP and one to hopefully educate others - I'd add HPV to the two you mentioned as well.
.
I can't add anything from experience but have a fair knowledge of all three and would recommend anyone wanting to find out more have a read of the excellent SH:24 site which has some excellent advice/information pages about not only HSV, HIV and HPV but all of the STIs - it's a UK site, but open to all.

Oh yes I should’ve mentioned HPV! Unfortunately I can’t edit the post I don’t think but definitely would love if people share their experiences with HPV as well ☺️

[Deleted Member]

22 hours ago, FETMOD-KF said:

For this thread we're going to make a few requests.

Number 1

like any thread on here - this can be used for conversation based on the questions and topic, not to pick up partners

Number 2

That nobody is shamed for their status.  While there are genuine problems if people are knowingly positive and do not tell anyone - this is obviously very different if folk are openly informing people of their status so decisions and safe sex practices can be made

Thank you all for co-operation.  

Appreciated! Thanks Fetmod ☺️

[Deleted Member]

21 hours ago, berlin613640 said:

Can't agree more, having caught three types of HPV myself with two of them being high risk. Some parts of the recent months have been rough and without much access to support and informational structures. I went to five different doctors and every time I got different information about it, be it regarding safe sex, transmission, treatment, etc. Luckily the people I have met have been friendly and supportive so far so that I have started to regain some confidence in casual dating. But for a while it really seemed hopeless. To this day I have still not found a support structure like a group talk to share problems about having HPV with each other and there is still a huge lack of information among the general population I feel, especially among males. Being a mostly straight male myself this has not affected me as much as female partners were usually educated and understanding about the disease but before I was diagnosed I had never even heard of it myself, which makes for less safe sex practices and more risk for everyone.

Also how judgmental doctors are when it comes to sex in general and then if you accidentally catch something too?? I think that’s one of the worst parts especially if you’re diagnosed with something…

I really hope this discussion will help you share and connect more w others. Happy to chat more about this and would love to learn more about your experiences too ☺️

I definitely know there wasn’t much sex education especially around stis and an in depth discussion about them. We were just mainly told to “wear condoms so you don’t end up as a pregnant ***” 🤦🏼‍♀️

We definitely need to do better and have more conversations in everyday situations to create more awareness about these topics. Thanks for sharing!

[Deleted Member]

20 hours ago, PervyPenelope said:

I think this is an excellent thread. It’s such a taboo subject. It could make people feel so alone. There are *** out there that can eliminate symptoms and spreading etc.
No one should feel bad about things that have happened to them without even knowing they’ve been at risk.
Not sure if anyone has seen the series “it’s a sin”. Made me cry for days. Definitely a must watch!!

Ooh will have to add that to my list to watch.

Yeah the judgment from people being misinformed and being called a “dirty ____” for catching a disease that you didn’t intend to catch… I know a few people have caught them from their long term partner cheating on them, being a victim of SA or just not being vigilant w protection…

Also the amount of people who don’t regularly get tested and could help to prevent these things being spread if they communicated with people 🙃

Can definitely be isolating especially as there isn’t much positive information out there socially yet…

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, MuffiN84 said:

Great way to address such a misinformed topic! I know a few people whom been subjected to mass ridicule for having HPV and HSV at no fault of their own aside from trusting their partner, specifically a spouse. Not many people are aware 1/3 women and 1/4 men carry HSV 1/2 with no symptoms whatsoever. Some may never experience and Outback for years after having been initially exposed.
Thank you for addressing this.

So so so many people are carrying these things but don’t even know it!! I heard that an estimated 70-80% of people have them but people just don’t get tested as often as they should be.

It’s so upsetting how misinformed society is about these things. I work with someone who is openly HIV positive and he makes it such a casual thing I respect him so much for it. I also met a guy on a dating app who informed me he was HSV positive and I could tell he was incredibly nervous about my reaction but I just appreciated him for telling me. I wish there were more positive interactions like these and it was just a casual thing

[ge****]

The problem with HSV and HPV is that there are no standardised tests for either (certainly not in the UK) unless you get symptoms and there's also no cure for either - though they are rolling out vaccines for HPV to younger age groups here, but that has only been for the past 10 years or so.
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Both have an incredibly high prevalence globally though - HPV is estimated to affect as high as 80% of people globally by the time they are 45 - HSV2 (the STI) it's around 13% globally.
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Neither are something to be ashamed of, and they can't be protected against by wearing a condom - in fact some strains of HPV (and there are many types not all of them STIs) can be passed on by a simple handshake.
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HSV is only infectious if a partner has an outbreak at the time of contact.
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All people can do about either is be open and honest and aware of the risks etc.

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, gemini_man said:

The problem with HSV and HPV is that there are no standardised tests for either (certainly not in the UK) unless you get symptoms and there's also no cure for either - though they are rolling out vaccines for HPV to younger age groups here, but that has only been for the past 10 years or so.
.
Both have an incredibly high prevalence globally though - HPV is estimated to affect as high as 80% of people globally by the time they are 45 - HSV2 (the STI) it's around 13% globally.
.
Neither are something to be ashamed of, and they can't be protected against by wearing a condom - in fact some strains of HPV (and there are many types not all of them STIs) can be passed on by a simple handshake.
.
HSV is only infectious if a partner has an outbreak at the time of contact.
.
All people can do about either is be open and honest and aware of the risks etc.

If stating statistics please list resources ☺️

But thanks for sharing! Also that’s just reported percentages too. The number is probably a lot higher but as you said it’s not standardised testing for most places so a large percentage may go most of their life without knowing :)

[ge****]

3 hours ago, punkgothartist said:

If stating statistics please list resources ☺️

But thanks for sharing! Also that’s just reported percentages too. The number is probably a lot higher but as you said it’s not standardised testing for most places so a large percentage may go most of their life without knowing :)

World Health Organisation 😉

[Th****]

Well thank y’all both for the honesty, I just wish that more HIV & HPV positive ppl would just be honest and give ppl the choice if they want to continue with a relationship or not instead of trick bagging ppl into a situation that can / will brake ppls spirit. I had a male slave who was HIV positive and I’m so thankful he had the strength to tell me. However He was black and he only delt with black women as his DOMS but only had actual sex with white women & every man that said yes & of course the white women he was dating got infected & he pretty much ruined this poor woman’s life then she became suicidal. And after a few years of trying she was finally successful.  we can never predict someone’s reactions or their levels of copping to detrimental circumstances. THIS IS WHY STD EDU IS IMPERATIVE, Using RUBBERS “ even on our toys” & GET TESTED REGULARLY.

[Th****]

& thank u again for ur post

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, TheImmaculateDOM said:

Well thank y’all both for the honesty, I just wish that more HIV & HPV positive ppl would just be honest and give ppl the choice if they want to continue with a relationship or not instead of trick bagging ppl into a situation that can / will brake ppls spirit. I had a male slave who was HIV positive and I’m so thankful he had the strength to tell me. However He was black and he only delt with black women as his DOMS but only had actual sex with white women & every man that said yes & of course the white women he was dating got infected & he pretty much ruined this poor woman’s life then she became suicidal. And after a few years of trying she was finally successful.  we can never predict someone’s reactions or their levels of copping to detrimental circumstances. THIS IS WHY STD EDU IS IMPERATIVE, Using RUBBERS “ even on our toys” & GET TESTED REGULARLY.

But that’s the thing. For majority of cases It’s not the end of the world. It’s not the same but it’s not a death sentence. It feels like it because people shun those who have it, not enough information for people to be able to find the help and support they need. It’s hard to be open and talk about it because most people react negatively but yes if you’re engaging in sexual activities you should disclose that information beforehand 🙏🏻

[xTx_or_Sir_John]

On 4/20/2023 at 5:14 PM, FETMOD-KF said:

For this thread we're going to make a few requests.

Number 1

like any thread on here - this can be used for conversation based on the questions and topic, not to pick up partners

Number 2

That nobody is shamed for their status.  While there are genuine problems if people are knowingly positive and do not tell anyone - this is obviously very different if folk are openly informing people of their status so decisions and safe sex practices can be made

Thank you all for co-operation.  

I sort of do and don't agree with what you said because stigma and reporting have feedback in both directions. That's why it's important we fought for and won our legal rights not to have to inform we had contracted hiv if we had been consistently undetectable and untransmittable and continued taking the medicine that makes it absolutely impossible for us to pass it on. In some ways we're the group your safest to fuck and don't really like people's phrases like "disease free and expect the same" as it's a position based on ignorance and sort of legitimizes other people holding very negative views. Personally I am very open about my status and my 3 monthly full screen but some people want to assert their legal right to anonymity when untransmittable and they have my full support too. I don't think There is "a world of difference" between how i do things and them, they are different approaches to dealing with other peoples prejudice both backed up my the very best science and not a single case of an undetectable person passing on their hiv ever. I feel there's more of a moral duty to educate those "expect the same" abound how the embedded prejudice In that boosts prejudice in others which is not healthy and goes against all the science (not an opinion it's fact) so I'd say whilst their is indeed a world of difference between someone in my position who takes pills regularly and one who doesn't, those of us taking them who choose to tell or not are actually very close and fighting the same good fight from different personal positions. So, may I please be allowed to tell off (perhaps even publically) those insisting against someone's previous viral load that has no effect on risks to sexual partners ? The science and law are clearly ours on this one and right.

[Missy45]

46 minutes ago, xTx_or_Sir_John said:

I sort of do and don't agree with what you said because stigma and reporting have feedback in both directions. That's why it's important we fought for and won our legal rights not to have to inform we had contracted hiv if we had been consistently undetectable and untransmittable and continued taking the medicine that makes it absolutely impossible for us to pass it on. In some ways we're the group your safest to fuck and don't really like people's phrases like "disease free and expect the same" as it's a position based on ignorance and sort of legitimizes other people holding very negative views. Personally I am very open about my status and my 3 monthly full screen but some people want to assert their legal right to anonymity when untransmittable and they have my full support too. I don't think There is "a world of difference" between how i do things and them, they are different approaches to dealing with other peoples prejudice both backed up my the very best science and not a single case of an undetectable person passing on their hiv ever. I feel there's more of a moral duty to educate those "expect the same" abound how the embedded prejudice In that boosts prejudice in others which is not healthy and goes against all the science (not an opinion it's fact) so I'd say whilst their is indeed a world of difference between someone in my position who takes pills regularly and one who doesn't, those of us taking them who choose to tell or not are actually very close and fighting the same good fight from different personal positions. So, may I please be allowed to tell off (perhaps even publically) those insisting against someone's previous viral load that has no effect on risks to sexual partners ? The science and law are clearly ours on this one and right.

I understand how you feel about not telling especially if you're taking medication to prevent the spread, which HSV has the same thing. I think it's the other ones that are infected not taking meds and spreading. That's the problem.

Regardless, it is always best to protect yourself because you just can't trust anyone unless they show you paperwork. 

Edited April 23, 2023 by Missy45

[Deleted Member]

Ill be honest reading this thread makes me second guess engaging in hookups as i have neither of these stds or illnesses and whilst its brave your all talking about it and tackling the stigma head on, it makes me come down to the realiry that this is a real risk in this type of behaviour and makes me value my health over an orgasm. Not trying to be negative mind but lets not sweep under the carpet the reality neither

[ge****]

32 minutes ago, ukguy83kink said:

Ill be honest reading this thread makes me second guess engaging in hookups as i have neither of these stds or illnesses and whilst its brave your all talking about it and tackling the stigma head on, it makes me come down to the realiry that this is a real risk in this type of behaviour and makes me value my health over an orgasm. Not trying to be negative mind but lets not sweep under the carpet the reality neither

And making people stop and think about sexual health is part of the purpose along with tackling the stigmas.
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Thing is you have to assess the risks for yourself and be sufficiently informed to be able to decide for yourself which risks you are willing to take - with any new partner you can never be 100% sure they're risk free, as they can't you - so you have to take your own precautions and decide how you look after your own sexual health.
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As has been said previously in this thread both HSV and HPV are very prevalent and can't be protected against (unless you qualify for HPV vaccine).
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Ultimately though only you can decide what you're comfortable with and whatever that is there's nothing wrong with it, if you're being responsible.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, ukguy83kink said:

Ill be honest reading this thread makes me second guess engaging in hookups as i have neither of these stds or illnesses

Here's a twist

unless you have symptoms, you wouldn't know - because you can't be tested for HSV or HPV without them

so HSV in particularly there are men spreading it blissfully unaware they have it

anyone engaging in hook ups or casual sex, to me, there are two things they really should do where possible

(1) practice safe sex

the odds of catching or spreading anything goes right down with protection

(2) test regularly 

in the UK everyone should have access to testing locally, without symptoms, every 90 days, for free

if you are particularly active, then getting home kits or alternating clinics, etc can get you done more often.  

Because the risk is never zero, this of course doesn't mean anyone who does test positive has been in any way irresponsible or that there's anything they've done wrong - but this is something, of course, important to be aware of