Are subs normally introverts?

[Setrion]

I joined this site recently and found a lot of advice telling me to join munches and meet people in the community. This sounds great, but I have a lot of social anxiety, and having to "perform" (engage in basic interpersonal interaction with strangers) is exhausting for me. I was wondering if this is a common problem: is there a correlation between subs and being more private individuals?

[ChicagoJoe]

I am a sub and I do not feel that way. I enjoy going to munches, especially if it is held at a location I like (bars or restaurants, for example).

[Deleted Member]

You don't need to be. And outside life, must not define you if you are a sub or a dom. Thats what I believe.

[do****]

Everyone is different. No one size fits all. A Dom or sub can be an extrovert, introvert, or extraterrestrial 🤷🏾‍♂️😂

[Ch****]

Im the same, yes im sub but i dont feel theres a link

[xF****]

I'm an introvert and Munches can be pretty fun! If I go to one, I usually take a 'date', that way you won't feel like you're ever stuck on your own with no one to talk to etc
You'll probably find them way more fun than you think!

[ge****]

I don't think there's a direct correlation at all - take for example the stereotype of people in powerful jobs being submissives as a means of unwinding, they're certainly not introverted.
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Social awkwardness can be something many experience regardless of their sexuality.
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I can see why you may think that though OP, especially if you're socially awkward yourself but I really don't think it's the case.

[CopperKnob]

I'm socially awkward but confident in my job to be in the role I am but that's because I recognise that I'm in a 'position of power'
Anywhere else, I'm as quiet as a mouse. It's a confidence thing more than anything for me
I think being submissive correlating to being an introvert is a fallacy if I'm honest.

[Deleted Member]

I have a job where I’m in total control and I know it like back of my hand so am very confident. As a sub anything social gives me anxiety. The thought of meeting someone for the first time etc fills me with so much anxiety

[Deleted Member]

I totally understand the problem. I also am having a hard time with different social anxieties. I rarely progress beyond the odd pic and a remark or two on a forum

[sissyFifi]

It's a common issue from what I know and have experienced...

[Setrion]

1 hour ago, gemini_man said:

I don't think there's a direct correlation at all - take for example the stereotype of people in powerful jobs being submissives as a means of unwinding, they're certainly not introverted.

For sure! I'm not thinking of a causal link necessarily. More like a statistical correlation, like how ADHD and autism usually appear together. One doesn't cause the other, and you can have one without the other, but they appear together more often than they appear separately. I was wondering is introversion and/or social anxiety had a correlation with being a sub of a similar nature, out of idle curiosity.

Edited April 23, 2023 by Setrion
grammar in the final sentence had fallen apart

[Deleted Member]

Possible affirmative from my POV. I can relate as an introverted male sub very new to the space, in a rural area where I haven’t seen munches advertised. I prefer my private life to be private, but understand the dichotomy involved with how to get my needs met. Thank you for raising this.

[Do****]

Some subs are introverted, and others are alpha males wanting to submit/let go in private. I’m not one to support the need to go to munches or get your profile out in the community. I haven’t. I’ve just found my own way. And I get contact from many subs who are new to it all. Everyone starts somewhere. I think for a nervous sub to connect with a nurturing Domme is very positive and doesn’t need them to become a socialite.

[ge****]

6 hours ago, Setrion said:

For sure! I'm not thinking of a causal link necessarily. More like a statistical correlation, like how ADHD and autism usually appear together. One doesn't cause the other, and you can have one without the other, but they appear together more often than they appear separately. I was wondering is introversion and/or social anxiety had a correlation with being a sub of a similar nature, out of idle curiosity.

I don't think you'll ever get a true statistical correlation though only anecdotal or perception based ones - it's not like there are academic studies into the make up of dominants/submissives.
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Like I said I can see the logic in what you suggest, but don't think there is necessarily a correlation that can be applied quite so easily.
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An interesting thread though.

[sa****]

While Kink/BDSM relationships and playtime fantasy can be and should healing/reparative to one’s psyche, this severity of social anxiety as described is a disorder that at minimum holds a person back from being their best in life and at worst destroy one’s life from within. It’s good you are asking about it in whatever forum you seek support. Advice- Book: Rewire Your Anxious Brian, Advice-Professional: Find an certified & experienced EMDR/Brain-spotting therapist. I don’t know you but I would worry that finding some relief from this inside a power role relationship is a crutch, risks attracting a Master/Dominant without decent moral values and result in the same imprisonment only worse.

[sa****]

A Dom may make you feel better by imposing no speaking rules, lowering expectation & pressure to mingle. A green flag Dom is one who sees this as a bandaid & pays for your therapy before buying another leash/collar. One who is sensitive to your current emotional state but doesn’t need you to be social anxious in order to exert control/rules on you.

[ey****]

the whole concept of introverts/extrovert isn't very black and white anyway.

someone can seem to be extroverted yet struggle in some situations just as some who are introverted thrive in others

 

one thing about munches is you won't be the only person there with some form of social anxiety and so there are folk there who kinda understand.  Because they are the same, or, have dealt with others.

 

One problem a bit is you really do need to overcome some anxieties to be involved in kink - because otherwise.... imagine a scenario where you do manage to meet somebody one on one - your anxieties of meeting a stranger are still going to be there... and then say you do meet, if your anxieties stop you from communicating what you'd like : problem.  Or going along with things you don't like cos you want to impress them : problem.   So having the confidence to be able to communicate is important.

if you struggle with social anxiety, then going into a room where other folk are in similar boats with similar interests is a really good way to boost your own confidence.

 

[do****]

A tip that was share with me in college that helped was role playing with yourself in the mirror or with action figures or stuff ***s. It helps with social anxiety and public speaking. Speaking from experience. It helps makes the real life scenarios seem less awkward and second nature. It helps you think our responses to questions you might be asked and helps you develop questions you might want to ask. The golden rule, practice makes perfect

[Ky****]

Many of us certainly aren't, some of us wear the most tempting clothing, openly display what we are-me I love wearing skimpy hot pants that show off my bum cheeks and show all and sundry that I get caned, I'll wear jewelry saying slut and sub and slave when I can find some I like too, so no you don't have to be an introvert to be a sub-but hey if you are don't worry about that either be you and lurve yourself

[JourSans]

I guess introvert covers quite a wide range of personalities - some may be socially anxious but some may be socially confident but just don't feel the need to play to a crowd and can be content with their own company.    I am probably more of an introvert but in most circumstances I wouldn't consider myself anxious - of course like most put me out of my comfort zone and that may change -  and I can be social in some circumstances.   

 

Possibly the same is true for submissives.   My interest here is more in submission and exploring that side of me but that doesn't mean I'm submissive in all circumstances - in fact people that know me would probably say quite the reverse and if someone tells me something should be done "this" way I'm going to argue it should be "that" way.  Maybe that's a driver with some submissives - they want some place or to be with someone where they don't have to be like that and just take pleasure out of fulfilling someone else's desires? 

[QXX666]

You can attend munches without being active. If you need support ask the organisers to nominate a chaperone to start with. Get comfortable during the few first munches and you will feel the change soon. 

[Deleted Member]

I’m a domme and I don’t attend events

[Deleted Member]

Sunday at 09:49 PM, doubletrouble129 said:

Everyone is different. No one size fits all. A Dom or sub can be an extrovert, introvert, or extraterrestrial 🤷🏾‍♂️😂

That’s me…I definitely fall into the third category 👽😂😂

[do****]

40 minutes ago, naughtynat said:

That’s me…I definitely fall into the third category 👽😂😂

I knew it was more of us here. Hello friend 😂😂