Can a punishment be a reward? 24/7 confusion

[Go****]

1 hour ago, Gundu said:

I’m on free too. Are you sure your clicking on the right thing??

Awe, it worked!!! Thank you! 🥰

[Deleted Member]

If you enjoy impact as I do then the D needs to find what does hurt you.. completely separate from impact as punishment. That he didn't take the time to listen to your likes/dislikes tells me he has only ever used impact as a punishment. That he wouldn't engage in a conversation regarding this also tells me he read the book but has little experience of dynamic or his previous s didn't like impact. You are well rid and now have a great tool in your vetting toolbox

[JourSans]

On 5/3/2023 at 3:53 PM, VoodooGirl said:

No, *** is pretty much the only thing that turns me on. But i don’t enjoy it, it feels bad? Anything that feels good/enjoyable basically turns me off. I want *** in a cnc context. I don’t enjoy the ***, but I need it or I’ll go insane. Anyone who’d withhold it, knowing I’d go insane, isn’t the person for me.

Correct me if I'm talking nonsense but maybe similar to endurance athletes - nobody enjoys that suffering in the moment but they are drawn to it. 

 

I'd have thought he'd have stuck around for the discussion even if he disagreed but some people don't enjoy exploring ideas.   Ghosting is just rude though.

[Ma****]

Be no one's Circus entertainment Don't let people mess with your head like that .That's mindfucking not Cool 

Edited May 13, 2023 by Manny678

[Deleted Member]

First things first, I am very similar to you in that I enjoy *** and cnc play the most so tend to seek  those out, and for people like us a physical punishment  ie a good caning, whatever, is indeed a reward too. I don't know  about you but I will act bratty to earn a good flogging and  having it denied to me IS a punishment. It's just a mental punishment. So he understood this, the randomness of dishing out a physical punishment and then suddenly denying you of it as a mental punishment is what I call mindfuckery 😅 and that kind of mental *** really does it  for me, as I like the feeling of not knowing what to expect and being mentally messed around with and ***d. For you, clearly it's all more black and white and so your styles didn't really match, in my opinion, or you were both unable to communicate properly because at the end of the day it is a quite subjective and complicated matter. Then again he may have ghosted you for entirely different reasons to do only with himself, who knows. You did nothing wrong by telling him how you like and expect things to be done. He was shitty by leaving  you wondering. Move on, there are much better people on here xxx

[Nocturne]

It can be difficult to decide when to 'punish' a sub or not when they are seeking out punishment. If a brat insults me so that I will whip them, I'm technically rewarding bad behaviour, unless I actually reach their *** limit, if they are into that, but if applicable I think more *** can make the difference between funishment and punishment.

Using alternatives is also something I would do, though. Depends on the particular dynamic, but if a sub is trying to get a spanking by being bratty, and I ask them whether that's what they're after, they could earn the funishment by begging, or by doing some task for me, showing their submission and eventually getting a spanking as a reward. I think that would be useful for if the sub does not want to seek out their *** threshold. 

I also understand why that person would think of withholding ***. I've done so at times in a particular dynamic, and it turned out similar to the idea of earning it in the end. 

I suppose people might need to be more open to different approaches for different dynamics and actually give enough focus to communication.