The Five Stages of Grief

[li****]

The 5 Stages of Grief

 

I think at some point in our lives we've all suffered with loss and or grief. We all go through these 5 stages of grief at some point or another and people can experience these aspects of grief at different times and they do not happen in one particular order. You may not experience all of the 5 stages , you may only experience 1 or 2 but you will at least go through 1 of these. 

 

These 5 stages are as follows – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. 

 

1. Denial - Feeling numb can be the most common feeling in the beginning of a death/bereavement. That feeling of this isn't real, it can't be happening to me can be a major factor at the start. It can be hard to get over the fact that the person you've lost is never coming back, this is the stage you may feel you hear the person or see their presence hence why it's hard to accept that the person has passed.

 

2. Anger - It is very natural to feel anger when someone you love dies. Death can seem really cruel and unfair especially when like myself I lost 5 family members in the space of a year I was broken mentally and physically drained by the end of that year just when I thought I was getting over the anger it would start up again when someone else died.....I was like why me, why my family!!!! You can also feel angry at the person who has died for leaving you. 

 

 

3. Bargaining - This is the stage where you can start to bargain with a god or a religion or even making a deal with yourself that you'll start to pray more etc, like saying I'll do better, I'll be better please don't take another person away from me 🙏 In this stage you may find yourself going back over past things you've said to that person or you may ask a lot of "what if" questions, wishing you could go back and change things so things would have turned out different.

 

4. Depression - Sadness and that longing feeling will possibly be two main feelings that will stay around for a long time after. There can be feelings of intense *** that will come and go over the months and even years to come. For most the feeling won't ever go away but it can get better with time but if it doesn't please seek help, there are vast amounts of bereavement charities and organisations that can help you, to listen and support you in this time. 

 

5. Acceptance - Like I said above as time passes most can feel their *** of grief becoming less intense. You can accept now that the person has gone and won't come back and you can carry on without them because let's face it that person would want you to. Most people will say grief never ends you just learn to live with it. In time your life is able to grow around the grief and you'll be able to find joy again and live your life but still accept that you'll miss that person who's gone.

 

So where do these stages of grief come from they came from the psychiatrist Elisabeth Kúbler Ross was the first person to talk about stages of grief in her book On Death and Dying, published in 1969. Just remember there are always people to talk to about grief and death, there is constant support that being a family member, friends , or even an organisation who have trained bereavement support workers who'll be there for you in tough times. Don't ever feel like you can suffer through grief alone there will always be someone there to help or to talk to. 

[ke****]

Love this reminder. 🥰 Thank goodness for EKR giving language to the suffering.

[li****]

10 minutes ago, ketzl1527 said:

Love this reminder. 🥰 Thank goodness for EKR giving language to the suffering.

Thank you 🙏 yes definitely, I've read the book but it's been years ago. 

[DeviantInside]

This is great. I would also add that there are other stages that may come into play for some people; guilt, shock, panic, profound loneliness etc. Some of those may overlap with the above. As you say people may feel some, all or none of the above in any order and may feels some more than once. There is also no time frame or correct way to grieve, it is a uniquely personal thing, no one else knows how something effects you. Grief also isn’t just due to a bereavement, it can be any loss of an expected or hoped for future. Different things will effect different people differently. As you say there are always people you can talk to and people that can support and help.

[li****]

5 minutes ago, DeviantInside said:

This is great. I would also add that there are other stages that may come into play for some people; guilt, shock, panic, profound loneliness etc. Some of those may overlap with the above. As you say people may feel some, all or none of the above in any order and may feels some more than once. There is also no time frame or correct way to grieve, it is a uniquely personal thing, no one else knows how something effects you. Grief also isn’t just due to a bereavement, it can be any loss of an expected or hoped for future. Different things will effect different people differently. As you say there are always people you can talk to and people that can support and help.

Exactly!!! I still miss my Grandad who was like a second dad to me and that was over 20 years ago when he died, but yet I still miss him terribly and still grieve for him. You're right there are other feelings and emotions we will go through I could have mentioned them but didn't want the post to be too long , and I agree loss and grief could mean the loss of something you expected to happen thank you for your comment. 

[John54]

This is a terrific overview of the main elements of grief and loss. Thanks

[li****]

19 minutes ago, John54 said:

This is a terrific overview of the main elements of grief and loss. Thanks

You're welcome 😁 thank you for taking the time to read 

[Clarakink]

This is a well known model, but not well shared.
My husband died and then my mother 11 months later.

I'm a widow.

The death of the person you have chosen to spend your life with is immeasurable.

All 5 stages. But my anger was that I had no where to place it. You cannot be angry with a non sentient being such as cancer. It is non discriminate.
I didn't envy people with religion as I do not believe in it, but I did see how it would help their grief as they did not have to deal with finality.

But brief does not just sit with death.
It sits equally with relationship break ups, lots of a much loved job.

We need to be kind to ourselves and take time.

Going to a dark place is OK, just don't reside there too long.

Use words that work for you.
I use death, dead, died.
I didn't lose him, he wasn't a set of keys,
He didn't pass, he wasn't an exam result,
He didn't go to sleep, you wake up eventually and still breath in your sleep.

Death will come to us all. So why ignore it and use words that deflect from its finality.


Well, that was a bit moribund. But, thank you v for opening up a topic we do not talk about but is a 100% certainty for us all.

Live right up to that very last second, and don't leave this world thinking ... I wish I had....
Leave thinking, good good, I wish I hadn't done that, but it was a blast

[li****]

11 minutes ago, Clarakink said:

This is a well known model, but not well shared.
My husband died and then my mother 11 months later.

I'm a widow.

The death of the person you have chosen to spend your life with is immeasurable.

All 5 stages. But my anger was that I had no where to place it. You cannot be angry with a non sentient being such as cancer. It is non discriminate.
I didn't envy people with religion as I do not believe in it, but I did see how it would help their grief as they did not have to deal with finality.

But brief does not just sit with death.
It sits equally with relationship break ups, lots of a much loved job.

We need to be kind to ourselves and take time.

Going to a dark place is OK, just don't reside there too long.

Use words that work for you.
I use death, dead, died.
I didn't lose him, he wasn't a set of keys,
He didn't pass, he wasn't an exam result,
He didn't go to sleep, you wake up eventually and still breath in your sleep.

Death will come to us all. So why ignore it and use words that deflect from its finality.


Well, that was a bit moribund. But, thank you v for opening up a topic we do not talk about but is a 100% certainty for us all.

Live right up to that very last second, and don't leave this world thinking ... I wish I had....
Leave thinking, good good, I wish I hadn't done that, but it was a blast
 

Thank you 🙏 100% agree with everything you said !!!! 

[Deleted Member]

Very good. I still harbor a deep grief from the past and ***d memory loss related to my eternal love, and he can never be duplicated. Deep inside he will always be my only true love. I hope to resolve this one day by getting him back or finding a new special love that will help it all to fade.

[KimberPlays]

I also can relate to these grief stages and more. The radical emotions involved that overcome your entire being can be very scary. Thank goodness I have learned to accept what is and will always cherish what I had lost.

 

I lost both my parents, 8 weeks a part. It was the most trying and most difficult time in my adulthood. It will be 2 years this September that I lost my dad and November  when i lost my mom...but I am no longer grieving them.i have accepted taht i will never see them physically again but i will always feel them in my heart and in my mind. Their energy is still very much alive to me. It feels like they are on an extended vacation.

 

Thank you for this reminder. It is harder for some people to get to the 5th stage. In my case, it was shorter than I thought it would take. Maybe because of time. Time does heal ones heart. With patience and lots of love. ❤️

Edited June 10, 2023 by KimberPlays
Typo

[li****]

On 6/10/2023 at 11:20 PM, Sunkit said:

Very good. I still harbor a deep grief from the past and ***d memory loss related to my eternal love, and he can never be duplicated. Deep inside he will always be my only true love. I hope to resolve this one day by getting him back or finding a new special love that will help it all to fade.

Sorry to hear about your grief I still grieve for my Grandad I lost like over 20 years ago. I'm sure you'll never forget that person but meeting someone new will ease that *** 

[li****]

On 6/11/2023 at 12:27 AM, KimberPlays said:

I also can relate to these grief stages and more. The radical emotions involved that overcome your entire being can be very scary. Thank goodness I have learned to accept what is and will always cherish what I had lost.

 

I lost both my parents, 8 weeks a part. It was the most trying and most difficult time in my adulthood. It will be 2 years this September that I lost my dad and November  when i lost my mom...but I am no longer grieving them.i have accepted taht i will never see them physically again but i will always feel them in my heart and in my mind. Their energy is still very much alive to me. It feels like they are on an extended vacation.

 

Thank you for this reminder. It is harder for some people to get to the 5th stage. In my case, it was shorter than I thought it would take. Maybe because of time. Time does heal ones heart. With patience and lots of love. ❤️

I'm sorry for the loss of your parents 😔 so close together. I can't even imagine as I haven't lost a parent yet but I did loose my Grandad over 20 years ago he was like a second dad to me so that was very hard and I spiraled into a deep depression after he passed away.....at 16 years old I wasn't well at all and still to this day I miss him so much but know he's watching over me 🙏. 

 

Definitely getting to the 5th stage is hard for some and it can like yourself happen quicker it doesn't mean you've forgotten about them or don't miss them.

[cu****]

I am going through this right now. Broke up with the love of my life. Toughest thing I’ve ever experienced

[Clarakink]

9 minutes ago, kikmrmuchness69 said:

I am going through this right now. Broke up with the love of my life. Toughest thing I’ve ever experienced

It's shit, and dark, and hard. So ***ful. But I promise you, the *** doesn't go, but the spaces between tonnes of feeling it get bigger and bigger until it has ebbed out of normal day to day life into the place of memories. Xxx

[li****]

13 minutes ago, kikmrmuchness69 said:

I am going through this right now. Broke up with the love of my life. Toughest thing I’ve ever experienced

I'm sorry you're going through this 😔 break up is hard but it will get better in time......💔 

[cu****]

5 minutes ago, lil-monster said:

I'm sorry you're going through this 😔 break up is hard but it will get better in time......💔 

Thank you so much…this time is extra difficult because of the intensity of our connection and the depth of the bond. Very tragic. She was the one in so many ways but she sabotaged it due to extreme *** of committing

[cu****]

11 minutes ago, Clarakink said:

It's shit, and dark, and hard. So ***ful. But I promise you, the *** doesn't go, but the spaces between tonnes of feeling it get bigger and bigger until it has ebbed out of normal day to day life into the place of memories. Xxx

The darkest place I have ever experienced

[Ch****]

I know it's not the same but do people  thinking there are stages of grief when u have broken up with a paryner

[La****]

On 6/23/2023 at 4:16 PM, Clarakink said:

It's shit, and dark, and hard. So ***ful. But I promise you, the *** doesn't go, but the spaces between tonnes of feeling it get bigger and bigger until it has ebbed out of normal day to day life into the place of memories. Xxx

The *** never leaves us and it never gets easier.... all we can do is learn to live with it but what if you can not live with it.... it follows us  forever.... an eternal cloud of despair, forever blocking the sunlight.  

[Clarakink]

6 hours ago, LaylaNess said:

The *** never leaves us and it never gets easier.... all we can do is learn to live with it but what if you can not live with it.... it follows us  forever.... an eternal cloud of despair, forever blocking the sunlight.  

Yes, for some people, it is ever present.
It will always be there for me. Always. But I got help and support that have helped me normalise it. Plus I need to live. I cannot stay in that place it is not how we are meant to be.

[MasterDarcy1979]

There's different types of grief.

In terms of romantic grief:

They say that "Time heals all wounds".

Whilst that is true, if the wound is deep enough it won't heal.

Best case scenario it'll scar. But it never fully heals

[co****]

Sorry for your loss. That a lot I a short space of time. Just remember that these "stages" are more triggered moods and headspaces. There's no order to when and how they'll come on or last.