What is a fake dom?

[Im****]

Any Don that doesn't understand that what we do we do for our pleasure, but ONLY under the explicit agreement that the Sub is also doing it for his/her pleasure. Subs MUST submit willingly, conformation due to *** or pressure is not submission imo

[do****]

Dom is a mindset that embodies those masculine attributes nonsexually then transfer to sexual energy.

Dom is about authority with responsibilities.

[Ma****]

Some Fake Doms enjoy giving ***. Because of lack of power. So they say they are Doms to be able to *** a clueless Sub. They know nothing about aftercare. Or hard limits.they are only in it for self gratification. They lie to get their way. I ran a class for many years about this lifestyle and the safeties needed to have a good balance. Fake Doms will come home after work to a loving waiting submissive. Only to *** them out of anger the built up all day at work. Very unsafe environment

[sn****]

I also think when men that are scared of strong women they are not real doms. If you can’t handle a discussion or the woman making decisions or having a good career without feeling that it takes away your manliness, then that doesn’t give dom energy.

[Th****]

Many conflate a "Top" with a "Dom". a Top & bottom relationship is Physical. A Dom & sub (D/s) relationship is Psychological.
Just because one has a dominant personality, doesn't make one a Dom.
Always ask for experience and references. If they cant give you their EXs contact information, or don't have EXs, then they are probably fake.

[co****]

There's no "fake Dom/me" or "fake sub," just what you're willing to consent to. If you're not of sound body and mind (e.g. SSC, RACK, etc) then fix that first. What you deem acceptable dominance is unique to you: that goes for both sides of the /. Use common sense.

[Ba****]

A fake Dom is someone who wants/depends respect without rules, boundaries, or mutual respect for the submissive. Someone who wants that title but doesn't want to put in the work to earn the title

[Ro****]

Unfortunately, the BDSM world is chock-full of fake Doms who are really only there to prey upon submissives who may be too naïve, insecure, or scared to say no. In some cases, this can actually lead to trauma, physical damage, and, in even rarer cases, human trafficking…

[te****]

I’ve had boys, can’t very well call them men from these encounters, who start off with a very degrading message then cursing at me or talking smack about my disability, my bio states I have this disability as a result of a severe car accident that actually was fatal to me but I was fortunate enough to be resuscitated, when I reject them or call them out on being way too much right out the gate. Coming off so strong is a very strong indicator of a fake Dom but was confirmed upon their reactions to rejection. Yes I am into *** and many other kinks but a man’s first introduction, at least for me, should not start off that intense. Most prefer to get to know someone before getting into the sexual aspects of this lifestyle.

I had one individual whom I reported but forgot to block then a few days later proceeded to ask then demand I allow them access to my private gallery. I had to report them all over again then made sure to block them. To my knowledge the acct is still active. I included screenshot these encounters in my reports so actually having consequences for these extremely gross actions needs to be taking place when they are reported especially when proof has been given. I’ve come close to deleting this acct due to the apparent lack of concern by those who run this app. I understand they could never catch all these creeps but when multiple reports are being submitted maybe take them seriously.

[Deleted Member]

I am a dominant male and have been for 15+ years. I was trained very well by a older sub that took time to explain things to me. I will forever be grateful.
A fake dom in my book is a dom who wants full control immediately. He demands you to serve him. He preys on the weak and insecurities. He doesn't understand bondrais or the principle behind being dom or submissive. Usually they are more narcissistic then dominant. These are the ones who gives a dom a bad name.
A true dom understands not only boundaries and borders. He understands the insecurities that a sub has. He will not prey on that trauma. In the end he understands that a strong dom is only as strong as his sub. He only controls as far as a sub allows. For a true dom it ain't about control at all but the feeling of the fact someone would submit thereself to them

[an****]

2 hours ago, kinkdaddy said:

I am a dominant male and have been for 15+ years. I was trained very well by a older sub that took time to explain things to me. I will forever be grateful.
A fake dom in my book is a dom who wants full control immediately. He demands you to serve him. He preys on the weak and insecurities. He doesn't understand bondrais or the principle behind being dom or submissive. Usually they are more narcissistic then dominant. These are the ones who gives a dom a bad name.
A true dom understands not only boundaries and borders. He understands the insecurities that a sub has. He will not prey on that trauma. In the end he understands that a strong dom is only as strong as his sub. He only controls as far as a sub allows. For a true dom it ain't about control at all but the feeling of the fact someone would submit thereself to them

I’m a sub and I appreciate the explanation, I’ve had a few people try to meet right away at a hotel or “go for a ride” which sounds very sketchy to me. I want something that starts out with communication and possibly lead to something in time. Some conversations are literally nothing but someone already asserting their dominance without talking first. It feels as though if you won’t roll over immediately than you are trash or something along those lines. I like being dominated but If i say no don’t push the issue.

[Ha****]

Its not that deep

[Clarakink]

We all have our own kinks and preferences. So ultimately its about findng a person who matches yours.
As a Dom, I have had men approach me on here using dominant and abusive language asking for sex and purporting to be a dom themselves.
Clearly they are not as they would never have sent another Dom something like that in the first place!
Respect is mutual for each other as a person. The kink dynamic though can then be anything you want it to be that both people enjoy.

I am no expert, far from it. And my style of dynamic is different to the next person, we aren't clones, so there is no blue print.

Just be clear about what you want, what you don't, and what is up for negotiation.
Trust your gut!
Someone mentored the need to talk for at least 2 weeks before doing anything. I don't think time is the right measure. It's about feeling safe and feeling ready and also horny!
Just some thoughts, and they may it may not resonate, and that's cool.

[Deleted Member]

There's a lot of kinda weird gatekeeping with the term 'fake dom'.

A lot of people use the term 'fake dom' or even 'fake sub' as a way to deride people for a lack of commitment to 'the lifestyle'. I think that's a particuarly toxic mindset, it doesn't matter if someone wants a 24/7 dynamic, or just a bit of kinky sex on the weekend, you're still a dom/sub. This mentality baffles me even more when you consider how many women you see fall into the cliche of "oh I'm a really dominant person in my normal life so I need someone to put me in my place in private" yet nobody calls them a fake sub. If you can dominate in a scene, you're a dom (or a switch) end of story, it doesn't matter how dominant you are in your normal persona unless the person you're with wants a 24/7 dynamic, but that's the kind of shit you be upfront with.

There's also the fact that people use the term 'fake dom' to describe the plethora of doms who are very inexperienced, but pretend they know a lot because most subs don't want to deal with an inexperienced dom (perfectly understandable btw, but it is what's causing this situation, it's a bit of a prisoners dilema). That's fine, those people need to be singled out, the problem comes when the two get blurred together.

As for tips for dealing with inexperienced doms? It's a tricky one, aside from preforming standard vetting, my best advice would be to make sure that you know how everything they're going to be doing is supposed to be done, and talk that through with your potential Dom before hand, it's not optimal but at least you'll stay safe.

[pe****]

It’s funny, how every community finds a way of othering people.

[sa****]

For me a dom is in service to the sub. Like a surgeon is in service to the patient or a masseuse is in service to the client. So even though you “have control” it is for the fulfillment of the desires of the sub, within her boundaries. Which is why aftercare is so important as well, however she requests it. It’s all part of the session, the goal of which is to fulfill her desires

[Shananddr]

Submission is a gift to be cherished. A dom will not demand your submission up front. I take it even further than that but that is for another day. Being mean to you for the sheer sake of power is also not dom behavior. Ordering you around =not dom behavior. ***=not dom behavior. Saying it’s what I want that rules=so not dom behavior it is laughable. I could go on.

[Ro****]

Real Doms do it for the passion! The pleasure! Same as the Sub! It’s fake when payment is required. There are thousands and thousands of sub/dom couples that are married because IT WORKS FOR THEM. Not about how much a sub can pay to be in your presence. That s**t is what’s fake and they should leave the industry alone. The D/S lifestyle is not prostitution

[el****]

Fake can be a hurtful word

[Th****]

Fake Dom is used to describe someone who doesn't follow a basic code of ethics so to speak in the Bdsm and kino community, and all be it it can be a broad term especially for those who are just genuinely uneducated. But that selection is not as large as the selection of "Doms" who use that word as a way to excuse their *** and lack of care towards others needs boundaries and safe words. So until a better term is made fake Dom is the one that works the best.

[Ma****]

28 minutes ago, elmo666 said:

Fake can be a hurtful word

Elmo666. Yes it can be a hurtful word. But so can someone who acts like a Dom but is just an ***r in sheep’s clothing. It’s also the same as a submissive that is not really sure who they are

[4R****]

3 hours ago, MasterThomas6996 said:

It’s also the same as a submissive that is not really sure who they are

Or a submissive who's out for cash / a meal ticket or to be abusive - Yep it happens!

[My****]

A “real” dominant knows the importance of privacy, consent, safety and trust. Also gives their submissive “aftercare” - support, care and respect after a session. If your dom in question doesn’t meet these standards… they are most likely a “fake” dom (***r)

[Od****]

I wouldn't say I'm a dom but I've had few sub give me power over them and I have always treated them with respect and given them after care

[StrictMaster44]

19 hours ago, 4RCH said:

Or a submissive who's out for cash / a meal ticket or to be abusive - Yep it happens!

Tons of them on here.