Why do so many people Catfish?... What's the point when you'll have to reveal your real self anyway?

[Shilo66]

Hi, this is a genuine question, and maybe it's been addressed / debated before, if so, I haven't been able to find this topic of discussion, so forgive me. For the life of me, I cannot understand why so many people Catfish when they'll eventually have to reveal themselves for real anyway.  All it does is sow distrust, what are these Cat fishers hoping to achieve by being so deceitful. I'm hoping that someone on here will help me to understand this, or at least, give me reasons why it's so prevalent. 

 

Edited June 19, 2023 by Shilo66
Spelling, grammar and to make the point clearer.

[FETMOD-BD]

Keep comments respectful please. I'm only giving one warning.

[mo****]

The question being asked is valid. Valid and a rampant issue beyond what one may expect.

[no****]

The amount of catfish I've come across on dating sites in general is wild, it has to be easily 25%....I do a test with everyone now.

But I think there are a number of reasons, some use it for blackmail (they say they've contacted your family), some want you to go onto other sites, or steal your information, or perhaps hope that they will get you to like their personality enough to look past what they really look like

[Shilo66]

Yes, I do a similar test, I ask for a video chat and that soon stops them, otherwise they'd happily chat with you forever on a site. Obviously, the genuine ones don't mind video chatting, but they're few and far between. And, the phenomenon, like you've stated is not confined to just this site. I just don't get what there is to be gained.  

Edited June 19, 2023 by Shilo66

[bi****]

I would think that most (excepting scammers) think they need to make a more attractive profile to get interest, and that once they've built a rapport with someone then the real them won't matter so much, that they'll get away with being much larger/older/dominant/etc than they really are once they've drawn someone in. And maybe some really think of themselves as the catfish persona they project.

[Th****]

2 minutes ago, notanumber said:

...or perhaps hope that they will get you to like their personality enough to look past what they really look like

I know people do this and can understand their reasoning to a degree but for me specifically and I'm sure many others it's counterproductive because the blatant dishonesty and manipulation alone is an absolute deal breaker and there's no getting past that. 

[ho****]

There was a study done in Australia regarding catfishing (Catching the catfish: Exploring gender and the Dark Tetrad of personality as predictors of catfishing perpetration). It’s a good read.

“We found people who perpetrated catfishing behaviours had higher psychopathy, higher sadism, and higher narcissism. Sadism in particular was a very strong predictor of catfishing behaviours.

We also found that men were more likely than women to catfish.

Previous research found those who catfished cited motivations such as loneliness, dissatisfaction with physical appearance, identity exploration, and escapism.”

[fr****]

What's even worse in my opinion is the amount of people on here looking for nothing more than some attention

 

That can be said about any modern dating app and it wastes so much time

Edited June 19, 2023 by frontman23
-

[Shilo66]

Can you please explain what you understand of it, albeit 'to a degree'. I'd really like to gain some insight, because it's totally alien to me.

[Th****]

@honey_and_killabeesdo you havyoinfo on whatbto search for? I'd be interested in checking it out. Mostly because I'm a giant behavior and social science nerd. 🤓

Do you know the authors names university or a more specific phrase or title to use in searching?

[1B****]

Shilo66, I have given much thought to this phenomenon, probably more than it deserves, since I, a female, have also fallen victim to catfishing. I have come to the conclusion that “Catfishing”, in and of itself, is a type of fetish. There may be some that get satisfaction from pulling off an online deception. Maybe it’s the thrill, or the fact that they can have an advantage stacked against the victims, or it may be as simple as one who feels a need to act in a deviant way, and this outlet is “safe”. Just a hypothesis, and My two cents.

[ho****]

6 minutes ago, ThaliaVirago said:

@honey_and_killabeesdo you havyoinfo on whatbto search for? I'd be interested in checking it out. Mostly because I'm a giant behavior and social science nerd. 🤓

Do you know the authors names university or a more specific phrase or title to use in searching?

I’m a nerd too. That’s why I look at white papers first. 😂
Federation University Australia, Australia
Cassandra Lauder, Evita March

[Shilo66]

Thanks, 1BlondeBombshell, your insight and explanation of what's going on is making some sense to me. 

[1B****]

Shilo66, I’m so glad. It’s the only explanation that made sense to Me. Happy to offer the insight.

[fr****]

It seems like a simple attention seeking ploy to me

 

People who are more inclined towards having dark triad traits like kinksters are also more likely to display validation and attention seeking behaviours

 

Catfishing is an easy way meet these needs for the less morally scrupulous 

[Ch****]

Live their fantasy, I guess I met some who were completely different people and did not mention a thing 🤣😂 just behaved like every thing was normal until I brought up the subject 🙃

[ge****]

I think there are a myriad of reasons people do - from loneliness/escapism at one end of the spectrum (when usually they have no intention other than "being" someone on-line they're not in reality, never intend to meet, and don't necessarily see it as a deception of anyone but themselves) right up to the extremes of those who do it to scam and obtain *** by deceit.
.
Many many years ago at the dawn of the Internet I knew someone on-line called Ally - who I met via a chat room we both used to inhabit, and used to chat all the time - anyway long story short "she" eventually confessed that "she" was actually a well educated man called Robert who had started off with Ally for a laugh, but the more he did it, the more he found Ally was more popular than he was when he had tried to interact as himself and the harder he found it over time to step away from this on-line persona he'd created - he had no intention of meeting anyone, or deceiving them beyond the obvious way and didn't see he was doing any harm.
.
I do think like "ghosting", the term "catfishing" is thrown around a little too liberally these days though - to take your example OP, if someone asked me for a video call to prove who I am, I'd likely refuse, not because I have anything to hide, but because I don't have to prove myself to anyone and certainly not a random stranger on the Internet - that doesn't make me a catfish - yet there are many who would say I was.

[Deleted Member]

Some don’t want to show their face because they know they’re doing something illegal like asking for *** for sexual services. Or sometimes they’re not physically attractive and hide behind another persons pic.

[Shilo66]

Thank you for the replies I have had thus far.  I'll explain in more detail why I brought this subject matter up, but, there's a caveat - NO HATING ON GAY MEN OR TRANSWOMEN!!!

You see, a couple of sites I'm on, I'm often approached by Gay Men or Transwomen pretending to be CIS Gendered women, despite my clearly written heterosexual sexuality and preference for CIS Gendered women.  So, I'm just trying to understand why they do this. Again, I reiterate -  NO HATING ON GAY MEN OR TRANSWOMEN!!!

In addition, I also seem to attract  a lot of women who although CIS Gendered, are, shall we say, in reality, are hardly anything like their profile pictures or pictures submitted on request. So when we do meet up, the meeting obviously does not go well. 

So, because I've had so many of these experiences, to counter these Catfish, early on in our conversations, I will request video chats, as it's hard to fake what you really look like in one of those. That said, with the advent of Chat GPT and deep fake technologies, I suppose it's only a matter of time before even video chats on Zoom/WhatsApp/Teams can be faked too.  

Hence, the question about Catfishing. I'm hoping that if I can understand it more, I'll be able to spot it sooner and they'll be easier to avoid.... I hope.

 

Edited June 19, 2023 by Shilo66

[ey****]

excluding those set out to scam

- there are some do it because they have no intention of meeting and think you're more likely to talk with them if they appear to be a certain way

- see also; anyone doing a 'social experiment'

- there are some do it to deliberately mislead people, sometimes a specific target in mind

- there are some who do it through their own insecurities feel if the other person thought they looked a certain way they'd be more likely to chat and be more likely to be forgiving if they otherwise get on

- and some because they know they don't meet the criteria but are hoping that by lying, possibly about an age, income, etc that you'll forgive falling outside of their boundaries if you otherwise get on again

 

as mentioned above, it is actually men more likely to catfish and very likely for those last two reasons

particularly as, well, women are more likely to be forgiving if someone doesn't match the photo than men are 

[Ae****]

Everyone has struggles. Some are really horrible, and some of those people have no-one to turn to and no-one who will offer anything but judgement. Some people therefore become excruciatingly lonely and are left with very few options for human contact - society neglects these people. It's hard for then to even admit their challenges. Catfishing becomes one way for these pretty tragic souls to drag a little human warmth into their cold, lonely, sad lives, even if it's ultimately doomed to end horribly at some point, and even if it hurts the people they catfish.
Desperate people do anything to stave off their own suffering. Everyone who is not in the position to understand what that's like should be grateful for that, and ideally keep compassion alive for catfishers, and anyone else who does something messed up. Walk a mile in another's shoes and you'll always absolutely get why they do what they do.

[Shilo66]

eyemblacksheep, thanks for this. Are women really more likely to forgive this deceit?  I imagine that if I were female and a guy lied to me about this, I'd be less inclined to trust him, because I'd be thinking that if he's lying about this, what else has he lied about, or would lie about. 

I suppose if I were female I could forgive if the guy told me he was 5ft 9 inches, and then in reality he was actually 5ft 8inches, but lying about more than that?????.... really????

This is all very fascinating to me as I'm delving deeper into the psychology of it all. And I thank you and all the others for the growing insight that I am now attaining. 

[fr****]

I've had the exact same problems. You're not alone. I think it's just a part of being in the kink community. You spend the majority of the time weeding through the fakes so a video call makes sense. My tactic is to ask for a verification selfie and then to move across to WhatsApp. It's less intrusive and anyone willing to give their number is unlikely to be a fake but it can still happen without the verification picture. I've met many great women from here like that without ever having a video chat. Asking them for a verification selfie usually does the trick without scaring off the serious ones. You're definitely not alone in your troubles. I find it best to avoid really new profiles. That has always been a good starting point for me

[Shilo66]

frontman23. Thanks, a good tactic, I'll try the verification selfie in future correspondence. Thanks also for letting me know that it's not just me. Sometimes it feels that way, and you can't help wonder what it is that you're doing to warrant, and / or attract such behaviour.