Deleted Member Posted July 12, 2023 Posted July 12, 2023 I have a question, started talking to this Dom, and he wants me to be his submissive. I’m fine with with everything. But he wants me to call out of work. ( i don’t just call out of work unless it is necessary this just me as a person. I feel guilty and bad about it. I explained all of this to him but he’s not trying to see where I’m coming from. I want to continue this but that is one thing I won’t do I even asked for a compromise. I’m I overreacting. I’m new to this.. let me know
Perveropotente Posted July 12, 2023 Posted July 12, 2023 Don't let someone ruin your life outside of the bedroom way before you even get close to him. I think his ego pushing him towards total control without thinking of consequences for you. What if you loose your job? Or next time he will require to stop taking tonyiur friends? And you've just started. He should stop a bit. But if he doesn't understand your concerns.....he is either a turd or has some intellectual deficiencies and obviously forgot how world works.
Jamlpez Posted July 12, 2023 Posted July 12, 2023 No you are not overreacting at all, he's not a real Dom if he's unwilling to listen and respect your limits and come on, having someone call off work just so they can fulfill your desires is a bad thing to do. If he is unwilling to even compromise much less respect it, then he isn't the one for you.
Ar**** Posted July 12, 2023 Posted July 12, 2023 You're not overreacting... it's your boundary, you have set it, he should be respecting that - no ifs, no buts, no compromises. And if he doesn't/can't/won't, then it isn't going to work. Next time it might be an even more serious boundary he isn't prepared to accept, or your safeword.
CopperKnob Posted July 12, 2023 Posted July 12, 2023 So, their purporting themselves to be a Dtype but not compromising on ypur wants/needs despite you providing an explanation? What else will they ask you to do that you aren't happy with, where will their demands stop, at what point are your needs going to be a priority for you and/or for them? What's your connection/relationship with this individual? They just came in to your DM's, you exchanged a few msgs and all of a sudden they want you to be their sub? How does that work? Kinda sounds like an online situation where they're just trying to get their kicks and, if that works for you great but it sounds like a recipe for disaster if you're asking me.
ey**** Posted July 12, 2023 Posted July 12, 2023 yeah... this is bad... this is an early warning sign he's not going to respect your boundaries. what you do next is up to you - but don't call out of work cos that's just the start to his pushing you can either get rid or lay it out that this shit doesn't fly and he needs to reign it in if you're going to continue
ge**** Posted July 12, 2023 Posted July 12, 2023 Think it's all been said so won't repeat but adding further agreement to it being a major red flag if he's expecting you to do things that go beyond your boundaries/limits. . Boundaries/limits aren't limited to sexual/kink related acts - they can be anything you choose and should be respected regardless.
4R**** Posted July 12, 2023 Posted July 12, 2023 So, he wants you to destroy your integrity for his benefit? What Dom in their right mind would want a submissive who lies? For that matter, what employer wants an employee who lies? Employers aren’t stupid and is ultimately likely to catch on. And have you considered the fact that he may even know your employer and will drop you in it. My personal opinion is drop this guy and find a Dominant that values you, protects you and puts your welfare before their own wants.
Deleted Member Posted July 12, 2023 Author Posted July 12, 2023 Thank you everyone, I was reading on the other forums about boundaries and explained to him that this made me very upset that he would asked me to do that when it goes against everything I believe. And I also said that their should be compromising. We have been talking for 2 1/2 months. I’ve submitted to his other request. He told me if I disobeyed him he won’t talk to me again as a punishment. So yesterday when we talked I said if your not going to talk to because of this and not taking into consideration my feelings then I will except the consequences. So I’ll let y’all know the outcome
CopperKnob Posted July 12, 2023 Posted July 12, 2023 10 minutes ago, cruzangal40 said: Thank you everyone, I was reading on the other forums about boundaries and explained to him that this made me very upset that he would asked me to do that when it goes against everything I believe. And I also said that their should be compromising. We have been talking for 2 1/2 months. I’ve submitted to his other request. He told me if I disobeyed him he won’t talk to me again as a punishment. So yesterday when we talked I said if your not going to talk to because of this and not taking into consideration my feelings then I will except the consequences. So I’ll let y’all know the outcome No. Do not put this in his hands at all. This is a dangerous individual. In no way shape or form should anyone be stating that they will end communication with someone who has, in their mind, "disobeyed". 2.5mths is nothing and I certainly wouldn't be discussing or acting upon my submission so soon. If you're new, take some time to read various forum posts/comments, minimise contact with people suggesting that they're dtypes until you know who you are/how you fit in this world Walk (run) away, block and, if on this app, report the profile please
ey**** Posted July 12, 2023 Posted July 12, 2023 13 minutes ago, cruzangal40 said: So yesterday when we talked I said if your not going to talk to because of this and not taking into consideration my feelings then I will except the consequences. So. Nope. Do you have "consequences" as an agreed dynamic? Equally, anything like punishment should be for failure for things in your control (i.e. you didn't do the dishes so this triggers an agreed punishment) and not something outside your control (calling off work)
Je**** Posted July 12, 2023 Posted July 12, 2023 1 hour ago, cruzangal40 said: So yesterday when we talked I said if your not going to talk to because of this and not taking into consideration my feelings then I will except the consequences. So I’ll let y’all know the outcome Exactly. You have every right to "accept" the consequences, of him not taking your feelings into consideration... as you walking away. Because no one in their right mind would agree t what he's asking of you nor would they accept being ignored and whatever else in the name "of punishment". So I am reading this as you "accepting the consequence" which is basically having more respect for yourself and walking away if he doesn't listen! <3 As you should. x
Ch**** Posted July 12, 2023 Posted July 12, 2023 This is a major red flag. He's not a dom a dom would respect that there sub as a job
Deleted Member Posted July 12, 2023 Author Posted July 12, 2023 Not over-reacting at all. A play partner needs to respect your limits. If leaving work is negotiable for you within certain conditions, then it's a soft limit. If it's non-negotiable, then it's a hard limit. Either way, a play partner needs to clearly understand and respect your boundaries. It's our job to communicate them. ☺️ Hope this helps
4R**** Posted July 12, 2023 Posted July 12, 2023 6 hours ago, cruzangal40 said: if I disobeyed him he won’t talk to me again as a punishment. RUN! - Do not walk, Do not look back, Do not pass go....... (oops, wrong speech)..... Seriously though, Cut your losses and get out of there. Anyone who chooses to cut communication as a punishment is in my opinion just plain abusive! Add to that someone who's cutting communication as a form of coercive control in order to make you comply with their non-consensual demands is completely dangerous, needs their name spread within the community (don't do this publicly as it's agains TOS) and quite frankly is a court-case waiting to happen. Protect yourself, disengage and as I said earlier, find yourself a Dom who's actually worthy of your submission. There's plenty of them out there.
Th**** Posted July 12, 2023 Posted July 12, 2023 1 hour ago, 4RCH said: RUN! - Do not walk, Do not look back, Do not pass go....... (oops, wrong speech)..... Seriously though, Cut your losses and get out of there. Anyone who chooses to cut communication as a punishment is in my opinion just plain abusive! Add to that someone who's cutting communication as a form of coercive control in order to make you comply with their non-consensual demands is completely dangerous, needs their name spread within the community (don't do this publicly as it's agains TOS) and quite frankly is a court-case waiting to happen. Protect yourself, disengage and as I said earlier, find yourself a Dom who's actually worthy of your submission. There's plenty of them out there. This.
Wi**** Posted July 12, 2023 Posted July 12, 2023 19 hours ago, cruzangal40 said: I have a question, started talking to this Dom, and he wants me to be his submissive. I’m fine with with everything. But he wants me to call out of work. ( i don’t just call out of work unless it is necessary this just me as a person. I feel guilty and bad about it. I explained all of this to him but he’s not trying to see where I’m coming from. I want to continue this but that is one thing I won’t do I even asked for a compromise. I’m I overreacting. I’m new to this.. let me know No your not over reacting. Have you discussed boundaries and limits. If that is one of your boundaries or limits it should be respected. If it isn't then move on and find someone else. Your boundaries and limits are there to keep you safe.
To**** Posted July 12, 2023 Posted July 12, 2023 But Emma! At any time even if that's right now you don't feel comfortable are you being threatened you let me know!
Deleted Member Posted July 13, 2023 Posted July 13, 2023 They sound like a controlling ***r, not a Dom. Big difference. A Dom takes control and makes your life better. An ***r takes control and makes your life worse.
fu**** Posted October 16, 2023 Posted October 16, 2023 well just my personal opion as a dom he should be more attentive to your needs and the prospects of both of your futures as one by asking you to call out of work isnt looking out for your best intrest unless the said dom is willing to fully be a caretaker for you .
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