Jump to content

Why filling out your profile is so important


Recommended Posts

Posted (edited)

When writing out your profile, particularly the "what you're looking for" section, it's best to write as much as you can and make it as in depth as possible.

The vetting process means different things to different people.

Because this is online, we have the luxury of writing out an ad/profile page

Why is an ad a luxury?

Because an ad/profile page is akin to a first date, with all the ice-breaker that's usually involved, with without the potential of wasting a whole load of your (and the other person's) time.

Think about it, wouldn't you like to know whether or not you're compatible with a person before you initiate contact?

Initiating contact with a person with a blank or an ad/profile page which doesn't really say much is akin to playing Russian Roulette.

Reading an ad/profile page, or at least a good one, you can determine whether or not you're compatible with the owner of the ad/profile page by the time you finish reading.

Which will then result in you Initiating contact or giving that person a wide berth.

An example, I post ads on the BDSM section of a popular social media place. My first draft wasn't very long and in depth. I mean, I'm a writer, so I have a natural inclination to always write semi-in depth, but for all intents and purposes, it was a blurb.

I attracted lots of women. The majority of them with whom I wasn't compatible with.

I sat down, took some time to write a proper draft (the one that I'm using on my profile here), and like magic, I began hearing from more compatible women.

The worst thing you can do when writing out an ad/profile page is say "I don't know what do write", or the one that makes my toes curl "If I write too much here there'll be nothing to talk about".

Edited by MasterDarcy1979
Or worse: “Just ask me!” - absolutely not, why would I do so without a reason to be interested? If a man’s profile is sparse, boring, or overly explicit - there is almost nothing that will persuade me to engage in chat with him. His DM introduction would have to really sparkle, and those types rarely do…
The value of a well written profile can't be emphasised enough and yet is something that is overlooked by many - my advice to those that complain about not getting interaction on the site usually starts with suggesting they look at their profiles and see what can be improved - it's particularly relevant for men who struggle to stand out from the crowd.
And whilst it's true that women would get messages with a blank profile and no pics, having that leaves them open to the kind of attention they hope to avoid - though even with a well written profile they still get the wrong kind of attention as many men don't read profiles, but at least having written something of substance it hopefully reduces it.
There is a balance to be found though between a sparse profile and one that is War And Peace - being too long can be just as off putting as too short.
I always try and make mine interesting to read, telling any visitors a little about myself and showing a little of my personality - not too serious and definitely not graphic just an insight into me the person.
On the next episode: why READING a profile before engaging is so important.
If someone messages me I always read their profile before I respond, mostly just to ask them why they messaged as we both want different things . 😅🫥

Love these topics, and although they've been done plenty of times, they always stay relevant. 

People just don't seem to learn. 

They bitch and moan there is no one near them, into them or after the same things, yet they have made zero efforts to read profiles. 


Mine for instance, the first two lines state... Do not dm me when in chat, and do NOT send me a Fet ice breaker or I will block them.

The amount of people, men usually, who dm me from chat, after I have said hi in the room, then see that as a means to jump into my inbox, despite having "viewed" my profile 3+ times, is seriously annoying. Most are out of age limits for me, not even the right "gender", as I wish to hear from ladies. 

The ice breakers thing... That's a whole new level of stupid. If the site/ app got rid of these, perhaps men/women/whoever, would take a moment to actually think about a response or opener themselves. The icebreakers leave it open for people to be lazy and unoriginal. 


I have things on my profile, such as poly/living with partner/switch/looking for women for relationship, but still... I get nothing but nonsense. The ones who do make some form of effort, are still men sadly. But that's not what I currently seek. Which I can applaud them for reading the profile, of the kinks at least, but any one who comes into my inbox complimenting our mutual kinks, I ask to see their vagina... and they soon go away. Harsh of me, but why message someone when you aren't what they seek?


If I am messaging someone, I always check the profile and the bio. If it has one picture, unverified, brand new and has sent like 200 messages off the bat, I don't tend to take any interest in them. 

If there is no bio/about me I tend to click off. If they say they've "no limits or would do anything" I absolutely will click off. If they are more than 500km, I will click off. It's all down to preference.

There is also a feature in "message filters" to prevent pictureless profiles from dming you.

But yes, I usually tend to dm people I find interesting now. I thoroughly check the entire profile, as much as I can before I do so, or simply to pay a compliment where it's due without any intent behind it. 


I will also say, that some people's profiles are well written and explained.... But this doesn't make the person who they claim to be.

For instance, a male claims to be a dominant. Who is very select on who he gives his time and attention to... Says all the right things about what he wants, about dominant behaviours and what he expects from people, what he offers etc...

However, I see this man on EVERY new young woman's profile and pictures on my newsfeed every day, every week. Offering himself up for dms, offering himself as their dom, offering to sub for people, he's always on the young NEW profiles of women, who maybe don't know better, fresh out of school, and this seriously alarms me. One young lady I seen had comments on her post and I was alarmed as this man commented with "all the right things" and I told her to always use her gut, keep eyes open for what a profile says and how the behaviour may contradict it. She replied to me, saying the man was in her inbox and the immediate unsafe and uneasy feelings she got from him made her "ignore" him. This is all say every day, spam on these women, with sleaze that his profile claims he does not do. So for this reason, I can be sceptical on what a profile entails, until I have vetted and done some research on someone. You can learn a lot on here, these chancers forget that.

I agree that profiles are very important and I usually base if I’ll answer someone on it. But I also think that it mostly works for women considering a person, since most messages I receive are from men that either very clearly haven’t read my profile or completely ignore it.
It would be very helpful if everyone read the profiles and respected what’s written, it would make filtering much easier.

The important addendum to Gemini's point is to look at what not having a profile means. As someone who has spent a lot of time on dating apps, whenever I see a woman's profile that isn't filled out, I have to think "what isn't she saying?" and the default unspoken element in our society is "she wants sex". So the unwanted messages see carte blanche and the people looking for relationships see that these aren't the droids they are looking for.

Avoiding those lowest common denominator messages is the lesser part; of greater importance is that men are not an amorphous statistical mass and the guys they are looking for *will not* send messages to a blank profile. The men looking for relationships want someone who signals that they are looking for the same, and that means a well-written profile. 

  • Create New...