Advice for someone new to kink

[al****]

I’m new to kink and also very young but I knew I was kinky from a very young age. the only experience I have is in past relationships that were vanilla and I realized very quickly that I’m not very comfortable being in a 100% vanilla relationship. I’ve known for years that I thrive off of someone else being in change sexually and on the more emotional side of D/s and I don’t think I can be in a non D/s relationship. I crave the structure that comes from being able to be submissive mentally and physically. All that being said I’m finally at a point where I can actually explore the kink world to it’s fullest and I’m very excited but also very nervous. So far Iv made and deleted at least a dozen fet life account’s because they just never go anywhere beyond fake doms that done even know what SSC and RACK are, none alone believe in aftercare or safe words. I live near seattle so I’m hoping to find munches to attend and learn as much as possible, but I have no idea where to start, is it worth it to opt for online classes and zoom related events or is it better to wait till it’s convenient and just find something in person. How does someone with relatively no experience in kink navigate the community?

[bi****]

Comuicatiom is key always.
I've personally been with vanilla partners my whole life and introduced kink into the relationship, but this very really works and now in my 40s decided to look for a kink partner that actuly alines with my tastes.
Talk to anyone in the community don't wait know your boundary's and stick to them things will evolve over time
And yeah seek out an event or too
Have fun

[Deleted Member]

Education is key before you explore. Online and meeting. There are lots of groups around. On here and fab as well as Fet.
Wish you well on your journey

[Sp****]

1) Self education is key. The more YOU know the easier it is to spot those that *don’t*.
2) In a D/s relationship there are “must haves” and “nice to haves”. Compromise on the “nice to have”, but stick to your “must have” always. If they can’t meet your basic minimum, they’re not a good fit.
3) 95% of all Doms are at least somewhat predatory. The other 5% are liars. It’s the nature of the orientation to a degree, so be prepared to feel like a pork chop in a kennel.

I’ve written a long article on the different ways you meet people in the lifestyle on FL , that I’m not sure I’m allowed to link to here, so if you want to PM me I’ll share the link.

Good luck.

[Matttster]

To start, I’d suggest not rushing into it and to let things happen naturally. Talk to people, go to munches and events, but I would avoid “seeking a Dom”. Just go to learn and meet people, maybe you will meet someone compatible. Seeking a Dom can attract the wrong sorts of people.

Rather than testing peoples knowledge about SSC and RACK, get to know them. Personally SSC and RACK are more for events.

Many of my submissive friends have had much more luck finding a partner by looking for a relationship on non-kink related dating sites. Either by just meeting people and talking about kink once they know them a bit, or even making subtle hints in their profile that they are kinky.

Keep in mind that you don’t need to find a “Dom”, rather you just need to find someone with dominant qualities that you can trust and you can learn about kink together.

[sw****]

Beware of the fakes and scammers online, pretending to be a domme and asking for tribute after lengthy conversations. That's a red flag right away. If they aren't willing to sit and meet you in person first to try a

[Deleted Member]

Always look out for yourself and remember that you're always allowed to say "no" or withdraw consent. Also, don't be in a hurry; you'll get to experience things in time. Get to know people - both their kinky and non-kinky sides - and communicate clearly and honestly.

Don't let anyone decide your kink style. Listening to the advice and opinions of others is good, but in the end, only you can figure out what works for you. While most people in the kink community are nice and helpful, there exist people who have some strong opinions about definitions of labels (telling people that they're not "a real Dom" or "not really a sadist", etc.), and some have ideas about how kinky one should be in order to be considered truly kinky... Don't listen to these people. I did in the beginning, and it caused me to constantly question whether I was kinky or vanilla and whether or not I could use a label.
Labels are archetypes - in a way the common denominator for a certain kinky trait or style - but everyone has their own individual variation of the archetype.

Talking about labels, I personally wouldn't worry too much about them. They have some use as a means of easing communication, but I believe it's much more important to be able to explain yourself rather than simply throwing out a label and leaving other to guess how you understand that label. As you learn and grow, some labels may start to resonate with you, and if/when you feel good about a label, you can use it (or not; it's up to you). Focussing too much on labels can lead to you trying to make yourself fit into that box rather than making the box fit you.

Finally, I think it's important to accept that less satisfactory experiences are bound to happen. There are so many people and so many kink styles out there, and sometimes people just don't match. For instance, my style of dominating is predominantly primal, and some will like that while other won't; within two weeks of each other, I've had one person tell me I was amazing and another telling me I was "interesting" (said in a negative tone). But I encourage you to see the potential for learning in either situation; what did you enjoy and what didn't you enjoy about the things you've experienced or the people you've experience these things with?

[kimutu72]

never give your *** away, always know what you are looking for i.e your hard and soft limits, ask questions and dnt be affraid to ask, get to know the other person, if it dnt feel right find someone else. When ever I have spoke to anyone I ask alot of questions if you dnt how will you know if you are both a match or even on the same page? Alot of Doms/Dommes say they are in charge, but they actually are not the sub has the control. Never give your submission away like a dirty tissue, make sure you are giving it to someone who wants that special gift and will nurture and help build your limits.. Hope that helps. But also watch for fake profiles, dommes who dnt have a clue, want ***, and dnt care

[Re****]

Keep looking, it will take time. If you find someone you want to meet, maybe set a date to some way off, so you have plenty of time to chat and understand them before hand.
I wouldn't worry about the labels and terminology, good communication between you is always the most important thing.
Best of luck.

[Deleted Member]

In general you want a friend to experiment and find limits. Focus on the real life connection with kink as a bonus and go at your own pace

[ca****]

I'm new as well help

[Deleted Member]

Always do,what’s right for you ! 💯🥰

[fl****]

In Seattle, check out the center for sex positive culture. It's great!

[Da****]

Stay, positive.. find someone who can lead you on better, guide you through any adventure.... free up your mind it's an adventure so don't hold back.

[mo****]

Thank you

[Frankink]

Common sense, education and learning. With the first one you can go far, without the others I don't think you can go anywhere.

[Sw****]

Read a lot of information on your kinks. There's a lot of books available now, podcasts & YouTube videos. Also dominance isn't an aesthetic, it's a way of life. You don't fight to become dominant, you just are. There's no single way to be dominant too so put down that suit & heels if it doesn't feel authentic to you. You can still be dominant while wearing jeans & sneakers.