so confused

[Ki****]

I’m so sorry this happened to you. Call the police. He should be arrested. 

[Ceejayuk]

I am so sorry this happend to you.

This guy is dangerous. That is not Dom behaviour. He assaulted you plain and simple. While it is easier said than done, he should be reported and arrested. 

As others have mentioned you should not feel like you did anything wrong. Certainly you should have been safe going around to his, that was all him. People go to peoples houses all the time and are not attacked. 

At the end of the day, he is scum. 

I can only hope you can recover from this and move on and realise what happened to you is not the norm.

[BreezyDay]

I always get a pic of id before meeting. I send info to various devices and text myself to leave a trace of where I'm going and who Im going to be with. This is vital. I'm sorry you had this experience but you should definitely report it. Thank you for sharing your experience as you help us all. Hit me up anytime you want to talk, ask questions, etc. 😘

[Ma****]

Just started married 13 years

[Pe****]

Omg. He sexually assaulted you! Go to the police.

[Je****]

On 7/29/2023 at 8:41 PM, lil_sunshine said:

heya,

very new, exploring my submissive side, thought I'd done my homework (not 50 shades lol) but i had read up things on various platforms.

i got talking to Master.

We had been chatting for a few weeks via whatsapp. He talked about collaring me at somepoint (so i totally went and read up on that) and we generally had a laugh and sexy time, he answered my questions, discussed trust and communication, seemed to be going well.

I agreed to meet him.

I met him at his place, we were going to have a drink and get to know  eachother.

After a few hours I consented to my ass being whipped, I enjoyed it, it was good.

We then carried on chatting and watching tv, we started to kiss and before i know it his hands were around my throat and i couldnt breathe. i came around with him holding me (cuddle style) saying ive got you your okay.

when he realised i was awake he did it again, i literally tried to fight him off me but he just kept repeating to trust him and i blacked out again.

this time i woke up to him trying to fist me.

i left pretty quick, but my emotions are so all over, i dont have many friends to talk about this stuff so i kinda really just needed to get it out of my head.

i know i shouldn't have gone to his, that was a hard lesson to learn. 

 

Anyways, 

tips for next time, im trying to follow all the stickies but i keep getting lost x

This is absolutely awful and I am so so sorry this has happened to you. 

*** of any kind, vanilla or kink world, is not acceptable at all. 

 

You REALLY need to report this man to the police. This is not okay and he could end up killing someone. Please please report him and make sure he can never harm you or anyone else again.

Big hugs and love to you <3 

[4R****]

What an awful thing to happen, and I'm sure this is just a brief account of what actually went on too. I'll echo what many have said that this person really does need reporting to the police. But I understand how daunting that prospect is and I'm well aware that many choose not to follow that route for a multitude of reasons.

I do urge you to seek help though. If you can't approach the police, perhaps reach out to a club owner in your local area (there are a few) or possibly a munch leader, there are a few of these too and many of them are female. If only to pass the details of this person and get some in-person support. Unfortunately, you are probably not his first victim and probably won't be his last either. The north west community is fairly tight-knit and community leaders often work together to protect the community from predators. 

Good luck and I hope you get the support you need.

 

[Wasp2017]

Never lose sight of any activity being consensual. Anyone not agreeing rules and boundaries is suspect from day one. Glad you have seen that and refused to be subjugated.

 

[Fa****]

On 7/29/2023 at 9:04 PM, FatefulDestiny said:

Ok so that guy is not a Dom in any way shape or form. He’s an ***r. I’ll come back to this x

So, coming back to this. 

I find it interesting that he wanted to meet you at his place, my cynical self would say that what happened and what he did to you was premeditated. But… it would be wrong of me to make those assumptions or suggest such a thing. 

What made him a “Master”? Was it his own title? Did he expect you to call him that? What were his thoughts on what you were to him?

 Choking someone in any way shape or form is HIGHLY dangerous, but doing so until they pass out is asking for trouble. 

Please, please avoid this man like the plague. You may not be lucky enough to walk away next time. 

As to what constitutes safe essentially there is no such thing as ultimate safety. 

However, there are ways to mitigate your risks.

Get involved with your local scene, attend munches, workshops and socials etc, get to know people and become more known (I know this is often easier said than done).

If you meet someone you like online ask them for “references” or people who can vouch for them - lots of people are happy to provide this information even though it seems quite weird and formal.

Understand what their limits are (top tip - EVERYONE has limits) and what their previous play has involved. What do they have experience with? What do they want to learn more about? What do they want/need/expect from you?

And what do they bring to the table in terms of safety? It’s all well and good being the best rigger or Florentine flogger or being able to do breath play BUT what are they going to do when something goes wrong? What first aid do they know? What precautions have they put in place? Do they understand their and your mental and physical state well enough to know if either or both of you are capable and safe to play at any given time. 

One other thing (which comes back to me warning you about the person you met), generally intoxicating substances and play DO NOT mix. They can make people do and agree to things they normally wouldn’t but they also impair reaction times and make it easier for mistakes to happen. 

If you meet someone to “get to know them” then that is EXACTLY what that meet is. It is not open to negotiation in the spur of the moment. 

Hope this is helpful. I’m definitely no expert and I hope you don’t think I’m being rude or patronising (definitely not my intention) x

[Ch****]

Sweet u did nothing wrong.

 

How are you. If you are able to.please get in touch with your local police. He sexualy assulted you. And I can bet your not the 1st person either.

 

He is not a dom. He sexualy assulted you. 

 

We are here for you. We always look out for each other on here. 

I know another person who was sexualy asulted by a male an the kink community I'm apart of soon dealt with him. He was not only reported to the police but local kink clubs had his photo an name on a block list .

 

We true kinksters always put people's safety before anything  else.

 

So sorry you had to deal with a predictor. 

 

 

[4R****]

6 hours ago, FatefulDestiny said:

So, coming back to this. 

I find it interesting that he wanted to meet you at his place, my cynical self would say that what happened and what he did to you was premeditated. But… it would be wrong of me to make those assumptions or suggest such a thing. 

What made him a “Master”? Was it his own title? Did he expect you to call him that? What were his thoughts on what you were to him?

 Choking someone in any way shape or form is HIGHLY dangerous, but doing so until they pass out is asking for trouble. 

Please, please avoid this man like the plague. You may not be lucky enough to walk away next time. 

As to what constitutes safe essentially there is no such thing as ultimate safety. 

However, there are ways to mitigate your risks.

Get involved with your local scene, attend munches, workshops and socials etc, get to know people and become more known (I know this is often easier said than done).

If you meet someone you like online ask them for “references” or people who can vouch for them - lots of people are happy to provide this information even though it seems quite weird and formal.

Understand what their limits are (top tip - EVERYONE has limits) and what their previous play has involved. What do they have experience with? What do they want to learn more about? What do they want/need/expect from you?

And what do they bring to the table in terms of safety? It’s all well and good being the best rigger or Florentine flogger or being able to do breath play BUT what are they going to do when something goes wrong? What first aid do they know? What precautions have they put in place? Do they understand their and your mental and physical state well enough to know if either or both of you are capable and safe to play at any given time. 

One other thing (which comes back to me warning you about the person you met), generally intoxicating substances and play DO NOT mix. They can make people do and agree to things they normally wouldn’t but they also impair reaction times and make it easier for mistakes to happen. 

If you meet someone to “get to know them” then that is EXACTLY what that meet is. It is not open to negotiation in the spur of the moment. 

Hope this is helpful. I’m definitely no expert and I hope you don’t think I’m being rude or patronising (definitely not my intention) x

Perfectly stated!

[MasterDarcy1979]

If a Dom initiates and partakes in an activity or an act which hasn't been previously discussed or agreed upon, he's a rapist.

I wouldn't even consider him to be a Dominant. It sounds like he's just an opportunist playing the role of a Dominant.

I wouldn't blame you in the least. You trusted him. He ***d your trust. It's all on him.

Never see him again.

[Chloebear]

Please report this person to the police if you feel able to. If you met him on here, report him to the site so they can take his profile down. So sorry this happened to you, you did the right thing by seeking support. There’s some good info on this thread about staying safe moving forward, don’t be afraid to reach out for more advice and support. If you search sexual assault charities some have helplines and information you might find useful as you say you can’t open up to many people about what happened. Xx

[MasterDarcy1979]

27 minutes ago, Chloebear said:

Please report this person to the police if you feel able to. If you met him on here, report him to the site so they can take his profile down. So sorry this happened to you, you did the right thing by seeking support. There’s some good info on this thread about staying safe moving forward, don’t be afraid to reach out for more advice and support. If you search sexual assault charities some have helplines and information you might find useful as you say you can’t open up to many people about what happened. Xx

Yeah. I'd agree with this.

[Ericsbanana99]

Like many others have replied. Are you OK. Its not a nice thing to mention but have you thought of going to get tested (sti clinic),if you have a friend go with them .Some things arent best left to chance .Anything you have experienced is assault if your unable to consent or say no to.The person is a devious predator. Consider talking to the police or your local safeguarding team ,they maybe aware of the person .Finally keep yourself safe 

[Ch****]

I agree with everyone. Something is not right with him making you pass out

[Mo****]

Does anyone have a picture of thos guy?

[ma****]

Omg... he's so dangerous. I hope that you've reported him.

[Je****]

This exact post was posted last year, and I knew what each sentence was gonna contain before I read it. 

Word for word. Same thing from a picture less profile about 6-9 months ago 

 

🤔

[Je****]

Never mind I've just realised it's commented on again and that's why i got a notification. Apologies