so confused

[Halcyon-]

heya,

very new, exploring my submissive side, thought I'd done my homework (not 50 shades lol) but i had read up things on various platforms.

i got talking to Master.

We had been chatting for a few weeks via whatsapp. He talked about collaring me at somepoint (so i totally went and read up on that) and we generally had a laugh and sexy time, he answered my questions, discussed trust and communication, seemed to be going well.

I agreed to meet him.

I met him at his place, we were going to have a drink and get to know  eachother.

After a few hours I consented to my ass being whipped, I enjoyed it, it was good.

We then carried on chatting and watching tv, we started to kiss and before i know it his hands were around my throat and i couldnt breathe. i came around with him holding me (cuddle style) saying ive got you your okay.

when he realised i was awake he did it again, i literally tried to fight him off me but he just kept repeating to trust him and i blacked out again.

this time i woke up to him trying to fist me.

i left pretty quick, but my emotions are so all over, i dont have many friends to talk about this stuff so i kinda really just needed to get it out of my head.

i know i shouldn't have gone to his, that was a hard lesson to learn. 

 

Anyways, 

tips for next time, im trying to follow all the stickies but i keep getting lost x

[Deleted Member]

I would 100% not give this person a next time!

[ey****]

oh no. I'm really sorry this happened.

firstly - obviously, cut all ties with him - he clearly has no regard for your consent.  He was also likely to have been trying to take advantage of your inexperience.  

I don't feel you did anything wrong in going to his; especially as you'd been talking for a little while first.   I feel a red flag was that he was talking about collaring you when you'd never actually met.  Think kinda, if you were vanilla dating a guy you'd never met talking about marrying you and having kids would be - like - woah - and this is not too dissimilar.

It may be in future you do vanilla/neutral meets first - the old "grab a coffee" but, to be honest, you could have done this 2 or 3 times with him and it still ended the way it did.

 

[Ji****]

Discuss safe words before you meet anyone. And always be sure someone knows where you are going (and the other basic safe dating stuff) Its good that you haven't let your negative experience hasn't chased you away, but always be careful.

[Ho****]

Great that you learned to do first meet in public. But more importantly, what happened to you is assault and you should consider filing charges, take photos of visible bruises / *** signs, etc. He’s not a Dom. He’s a predator.

Long communication, long list of ground rules, hard nos, safe words.

[Deleted Member]

Wow so sry you had that experience but i agree theres no next time with this guy ….

[Ta****]

You “woke up to him trying to fist you”? This person belongs in jail for sexual assault.

[MrHulk]

I have to say what he did was not on at all, Would not give him a next time at all, sorry you went through that and as well, All so I can say is next time with someoen new meet should be a coffe or lunch meet and get to know each other

[MartynMentor]

OMG I'm SORRY to that it's Awful and TOTALLY unacceptable. I'm MartynMentor a 56yr old Dom who has been openly living my BDSM lifestyle for 37yrs. If you'd like to Message me on my profile I'm happy to discuss with you if you wish it more private there. Again that's horrible and unacceptable what has happened to you. Though I will say publicly about 'Claire's Law' please everyone Google and tell every female you know to tell every female they know. Sadly women's services re Domestic ***/ Sexually crimes against are woefully under funded so ever service I work with aren't able to afford to promote this law . Hope to hear from you whenever you wish lil_sunshine x

[cum4meSlowly]

If chocking and fisting wasn’t discussed he should not have been doing it. Explain your limits, remember your safe word and I hope you find a better Master/Dom next time.

[An****]

Public meets, safety calls. But he sounds like he is not safe.

[Fa****]

Ok so that guy is not a Dom in any way shape or form. He’s an ***r. I’ll come back to this x

[Deleted Member]

Part of the attraction of all this for me is behaving in a respectful way to the point where my Dominance is accepted and enjoyed by the submissive. It’s not really a way to have easy sex, but about constructing a relationship of total honesty about your needs and desires. In addition, you should really know your skills and limitations. You can’t really fist a woman who is not receptive to it and is already aroused.
Above everything, as a Dominant the safety and needs of the submissive are paramount. I’m not really a fan of choking because most people don’t really know how potentially dangerous it is and how much damage can be caused by starving the brain of oxygen even for a few seconds.
Take care of yourself and like any relationship, don’t make yourself *** until you absolutely trust the person.

[Cheekysub247]

Umm, trying to fist you *** is sexual assault!!!!!

[Halcyon-]

im so glad i found this site, i dont even know how i didnt before  

thank you for replying, my internets pretty choppy here so i keep trying to check in x

 

thank you all 

[MrHulk]

Just now, lil_sunshine said:

im so glad i found this site, i dont even know how i didnt before  

thank you for replying, my internets pretty choppy here so i keep trying to check in x

 

thank you all 

We are a close community here and when stuff like this goes on it shocks us all, What he did was not on at all and its assault BBBIIIGGG HHHUUUGGGSSSS 

[Ta****]

2 minutes ago, Cheekysub247 said:

Umm, trying to fist you *** is sexual assault!!!!!

That’s what I said…glad she’s hearing this from more than one person.

[Deleted Member]

Disgusting wanna be Dom. Don’t settle for a pawn shop Dom.

[do****]

(big hug) happy you are safe. Call the police. If he did this to you, there are others, and if he continues to go unreported their will be more. I know reporting can be draining and scary but you have support. This guy is bad for business. Take a timeout to assess your mental, emotional, and physical state. Do not let a rotten apple spoil the bunch. Stories like yours is such a turn off and disheartening to some of us. We take it personal when others disrespect the LS. And that's what he did. Disrespected you and our LS and he needs to be stop as well as the rest of his kind. Stay safe please

[Go****]

I'm so sorry you've had this as one of your (if not the) first experiences.

Well done for reaching out, its a brave step. I second eyemblacksheep's words, this was not your fault. Definitely cut all ties with him. Unfortunately, no amount of vetting or meets can ensure we're all 100% safe - whether we're into kink or not.

You did the right thing talking and getting to know him for a while. I have made plenty of mistakes myself along the way, as I'm sure others have. Now, I do as much vetting as possible via talking then several or more meets - all vanilla, all public. This allows you to get a feel for each other.

On another note, you mentioned you don't have friends to talk to about this. From my personal experience of sexual assault, I will say that you may go through many different emotions, at many/multiple different times - that is normal. I'm not local to you, but if you need someone to talk to/vent to etc, my inbox is open to you.

[littlemiss37]

so sorry this happened to u. I suggest as much public vanilla meets but I believe u couldn't have prevented what he done. can u go to events? udleast u will hear about the pple there through word of mouth xxxx

[kree90]

<3 I am so sorry this happened to you. You do need to call the police and report this, as hard as it is. No matter whether or not you should have gone, that doesn't make it okay what happened to you. Safety is VERY important in our community. If you need help reporting this, I will help you.

[kimutu72]

sorry to hear about your experience, but like everyone is saying, its definatley not your fault you did the right thing by spending time getting to know him, but as you found out messaging and actions are totally different, I would definatley meet face to face in a public play talk about what you have both decided by messages meet afew times and explain you want to take it slow, if they are interested they wnt *** a decision and take small steps. keep making sure that what you want and what he wants are the same thing, flirting, sly feel of the leg, quick kisses adds to the spice, when you feel ready maybe go to a hotel, its still public but also private. I hope your next experience is alot better, feel free to pm if you want

[CopperKnob]

Firstly, are you ok? Not just physically but emotionally too?
You've been physically and sexually assaulted, be prepared for any emotional response to be delayed. Hopefully you've a support network around you to help you process what's happened or if not there's a local agency you can contact.
Like others have said, this is not your fault. The individual choose to engage in non consensual activity and saw their opportunity.
.
Take some time to read through some of the forum posts here. Whilst there are plenty of tips to keep us safe, none are failsafe. Trust your gut and leave of something doesn't feel right. You can talk to someone for months and still not get a sense of who they are until that first meeting.

[La****]

2 hours ago, Tweets79 said:

I would 100% not give this person a next time!

I am glad you are safe now and I am sorry this happened to you. unfortunately, us newbies kind of need something like this, and not, to make us realise we cannot live in the high and at some point, our realistic minds must return back down to earth. 
I too, have had to learn the hard way and after a few wise words from a friend, I am now starting to ignore that initial high and intuition, kicks in.